A man stops by a diner at noon

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1. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
2. Two attorneys went into a diner Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches....
3. Перевод слова waitress Waitress – официантка, служанка Перевод слова Ring for a waitress – звонком подозвать официантку Eventually, Mary got a job as a Waitress. В конце концов, Мэри устроилась официанткой. The Waitress freshened our coffee. Официантка долила нам кофе. Let’s order dessert when the Waitress comes back. Когда официантка вернется, давайте закажем десерт....
4. Перевод слова sugar Sugar – сахар, подслащивать Перевод слова Sugar cane – сахарный тростник sugar chest – мешок сахарного песка to do without sugar – обходиться без сахара Did you Sugar my coffee? Вы посластили мой кофе? I don’t take Sugar in my coffee. Я не кладу сахар в кофе. Would you pass the Sugar, please? Не могли […]...
5. Three vampires go to a bar Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” […]...
6. Ordering Coffee and Tea Jermaine: I’d like a Decaf drip, To go. Drew: Would you like our light or dark Roast? Jermaine: I’ll just have whatever’s freshly brewed. Drew: Are you sure you don’t want to try an Espresso, an Americano, or a Latte? Jermaine: No, just a decaf coffee. Drew: Sure, no problem. Would you like it hot […]...
7. A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. […]...
8. A waitress walks up to one of her tables in A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?” One of the Japanese men explains, “Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.” The waitress […]...
9. Значение идиомы first come, first served [first come, first served] {truncated sent.}, {informal} If youarrive first, you will be served first; people will be waited on inthe order they come; the person who comes first will have his turnfirst. Get in line for your ice cream, boys. First come, firstserved. The rule in the restaurant is first come, first served. The […]...
10. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
11. Bar Hopping A Bunch of my old college friends Came into town for a few days and we went out last night Bar hopping until Closing time. We started around 9 p. m. and Were on our third bar when we Closed it down. Some of us were Starving and the rest of us were Peckish so […]...
12. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, “Do all the waiters […]...
13. Значение идиомы have one’s hands full [have one’s hands full] {v. phr.} To have as much work as you cando; be very busy. The plumber said that he had his hands full andcould not take another job for two weeks. With three smallchildren to take care of, Susie’s mother has her hands full....
14. Gosh, what a pun! A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?” The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife […]...
15. A bowl of chili A homeless man walks into a diner with enough change for a cup of coffee. Seated next to him at the counter, was a well-dressed man with a bowl of chili in front of him. A few minutes later, finishing his cup of coffee, the homeless man begins to notice that the stranger next to […]...
16. A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. […]...
17. My heart set A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, “All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and […]...
18. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says “I’ll find out” and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says “We’re just over Paris” “How do you know” ask the others “Well I’ve just felt the top of […]...
19. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
20. Перевод слова cube Cube – куб, кусочек Перевод слова Ice cube – кусочек льда cube of a number – куб числа cube sugar – пиленый сахар 4 Cubed is 64. 4 в кубе равно 64. Cut the meat into small Cubes. Мясо нарезать мелкими кубиками. A Cube has six sides. У куба шесть граней....
21. Перевод слова plate Plate – тарелка, блюдо Перевод слова Bread plate – тарелка для хлеба, хлебница fish plate – рыбное блюдо plate of soup – тарелка супу the dinner will cost $10 a plate – ужин обойдется по 10 долларов с человека Give me that Plate, please. Дай мне, пожалуйста, ту тарелку. The Plates were piled high with […]...
22. The Zen Master is visiting New York City The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.” The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box […]...
23. Перевод слова cream Cream – сливки, крем Перевод слова Cream biscuit – печенье с кремом almond cream – миндальный крем cream of champagne – пена шампанского sour cream – сметана Cream has a high fat content. У крема высокая жирность. Whip the Cream until thick. Взбейте сливки до загустения. The Cream rinses off easily. Крем легко смывается....
24. A bus stops and two Italian men get on A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two […]...
25. Перевод слова ice-cream Ice-cream – мороженое, кремовый Перевод слова Pistachio ice-cream – фисташковое мороженое premium ice-cream – мороженое высшего сорта ice-cream suit – костюм кремового цвета ice cream vendor – торговец мороженным He was a vanilla Ice-cream man. Он был большим любителем ванильного мороженого. Can I have a lick of your Ice-cream? Можно я разок лизну твое мороженое? […]...
26. A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The […]...
27. Getting in an accident A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a […]...
28. Gimme some aspirin! Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. “I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.” “Yeah, I went to a dozen drug […]...
29. He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and […]...
30. Перевод слова noon Noon – полдень Перевод слова High noon – самый полдень shortly after noon – вскоре после полудня chronometer noon – полдень по хронометру We left home at Noon. Мы вышли из дома в полдень. The clock says Noon. На часах – полдень. I aim to arrive at Noon. Я намерен прибыть в полдень....
31. Subjects for a date A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]...
32. Значение идиомы hand [hand] See: AT HAND, BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH, BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ONE, CLEAN HANDS, DIRTY ONE’S HANDS, EAT OUTOF ONE’S HAND, FORCE ONE’S HAND, FREE HAND, FROM HAND TO HAND, GLADHAND, HAM-HANDED, HANG HEAVY or HANG HEAVY ON ONE’S HANDS, HAT INHAND, HAVE A HAND IN, HAVE […]...
33. Упражнения на исчисляемые и неисчисляемые существительные (с ответами) 1. Распределите следующие существительные на две группы. Paper – bottle – porridge – happiness – pencil – coffee – girl – work – job – plate – dog – meat – news – apricot – toothpaste – time – bedroom – money – magazine – information – honey – metal – child – yoghurt – […]...
34. It just kills my appetite A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?” she asks. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of […]...
35. What thin people do By Barbara Florio Graham From McCall’s, June, 1983, I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I’ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what […]...
36. Кухонные принадлежности. Kitchenware Barbecue – барбекю, мангал Bowl – миска Bread basket – хлебница Bread-and-butter plate – тарелка для хлеба Buffet – буфет Burner – зажигалка Butter dish – тарелка для масла Cabinet – тумбочка Cake slice – лопатка для торта Can opener – открывачка Canister – банка для круп Chair – стул Champagne cooler – ведерко для […]...
37. Prescription This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks “What for?” She says “I want to kill my husband”. He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.” She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it […]...
38. Значение идиомы rattle off [rattle off] or [reel off] {v.} To say quickly without having tostop to think; recite easily and rapidly. When Roger was seven hecould rattle off the names of all the states in alphabetical order. Joan memorized the “Gettysburg Address” so well that she could reelit off. We asked the waitress what flavors of ice cream […]...
39. Кофе на английском Для начала, давайте разберемся, каким бывает кофе: • ground coffee – молотый кофе; • instant coffee – растворимый кофе; • freeze dried coffee – растворимый кофе в гранулах; • coffee beans – кофе в зернах; • roasted coffee – обжаренный кофе; • white coffee – кофе с молоком; • black coffee – черный кофе; • […]...
40. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...