A man is walking past this house when a used condom

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1. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
2. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
3. Condom Modelling RejectionTROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269 Dear John Doe, We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not ... Читать далее...
4. Two story houseA man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, «Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.» «Because,» the man says,»I live in a two-story house.» The Judge replies, «What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about ... Читать далее...
5. Three calamitiesThree guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second ... Читать далее...
6. Two retired ladies were on the beach in MiamiTwo retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of ... Читать далее...
7. A priest is walking down the street one day whenA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer ... Читать далее...
8. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Past Perfect — Past Perfect Continuous» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в форму Past Perfect или Past Perfect Continuous. Julia wanted to sit down as she… (stand) at work all day long. (Джулия хотела присесть, потому что она весь день на работе стояла на ногах.) She… (learn) “Eugene Onegin” by the autumn. (К осени она выучила «Евгения Онегина».) The rain stopped ... Читать далее...
9. Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asksPappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, «Where ya going boy?» The son smiled and replied, «I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.» The Father said, «When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.» «Sure Pa, I know.» the boy said. «And look what you got!»...
10. A blind guy goes into a whore houseA blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob. He says to her, «Excuse me, aren’t you Karen Carlton, and didn’t you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?» «Yes. How’d you know?» «I never forget a face.»...
11. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
12. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы walking encyclopedia[walking encyclopedia] {n. phr.} A polymath; a person very wellversed in a number of different disciplines. My uncle is averitable walking encyclopedia when it comes to the history of WorldWar II. Contrast: WALKING DICTIONARY....
14. Перевод слова pastPast — прошлое, минувший; мимо Перевод слова The crowd swept past — толпа пронеслась мимо the past generations — минувшие поколения in the past week — на прошлой неделе Don’t rake up the Past. Не стоит ворошить прошлое. The train whooshed Past us. Поезд с шумом пронесся мимо нас. Don’t drag my Past into this! ... Читать далее...
15. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы bring down the house[bring down the house] {v. phr.}, {informal} To start an audience laughing or clapping enthusiastically. The principal’s story was funny in itself and also touched their loyalties, so it brought down the house. The President made a fine speech which brought down the house....
17. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
18. Using nails on a houseThese two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over ... Читать далее...
19. I was walking down an alley last nightI was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, «Help! Help!» coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t ... Читать далее...
20. This black guy is walking along a beach whenThis black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a ... Читать далее...
21. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод сленгового выражения walking on eggshells, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: walking on eggshells Перевод: быть в затруднительном положении; быть на краю опасности или гибели Синоним: walking on thin ice Пример: Ever since I smashed their car, I’ve been walking on eggshells with my parents. С тех пор, как я разбил машину своих родителей, отношения у меня с ними затруднительные. We’re walking on eggshells ... Читать далее...
23. Problems during flightThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight ... Читать далее...
24. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voiceA man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: «Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.» The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile ... Читать далее...
25. This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th AvenueThis 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above «You will live to be 100.» She looked around and didn’t see anyone. Again she heard «You will live to be 100.» Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I’ve got 40 more years ... Читать далее...
26. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы house[house] See: BOARDING HOUSE REACH, BRING DOWN THE HOUSE, PUN HOUSE, HASH HOUSE, KEEP HOUSE, ON THE HOUSE, PARISH HOUSE, PEOPLE WHO LIVE INGLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES, PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES orPLAGUE O’ BOTH YOUR HOUSES, PUT ONE’S HOUSE IN ORDER or SET ONE’SHOUSE TN ORDER....
28. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and stillSadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, «Mama! I ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова houseHouse — дом, здание, жилище Перевод слова Apartment house — многоквартирный дом house arrest — домашний арест at John’s house — у Джона Get out of my House! Убирайтесь из моего дома! I lost my House keys. Я потерял ключи от дома. A snail carries its own House. Улитка несет свой дом на спине....
30. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bedLittle Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, «Whatcha doin’ Daddy?» Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. «Oh, I’m just ... Читать далее...
31. Humor about Irish Pubs(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. «Jazus Mick…Well have to turn ... Читать далее...
32. Two men were walking along the street whenTwo men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, «I sure wish I could do that.» The other replied, «You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.»...
33. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladderA man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, ... Читать далее...
34. Упражнения «Сравнение времен Past Simple — Past Continuous» (с ответами)1. Составьте из данных слов предложения, используя Past Simple и Past Continuous. Н-р: The police – come – while – I – have – lunch. – The police came while I was having lunch. (Полиция пришла в то время, как я обедал.) The rain – start – while – we – drive – home. He ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы by oneself[by oneself] {adv. phr.} 1. Without any others around; separate from others; alone. The house stood by itself on a hill. Tom liked to go walking by himself. Betty felt very sad and lonely by herself. 2. Without the help of anyone else; by your own work only. John built a flying model airplane by ... Читать далее...
36. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacyA Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова upstairsUpstairs — наверху, на верхнем этаже Перевод слова To run upstairs — побежать наверх to go upstairs — оторваться от земли she is upstairs — она наверху When you go Upstairs, bring these towels with you. Когда пойдешь наверх, захвати эти полотенца с собой. The bellhop carried the luggage Upstairs. Коридорный отнес багаж наверх. Doesn’t ... Читать далее...
38. The Barber ShopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, «How long before I can get a ... Читать далее...
39. There was this little boy who went in the whore houseThere was this little boy who went in the whore house with a dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the boy said «please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i have money thats ... Читать далее...
40. An old lady lived by herself in a small houseAn old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he ... Читать далее...