A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. ‘God,’ he prayed, ‘I really want a car.’ Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. ‘God,’ he prayed again, ‘I really NEED a car.’ Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents’ bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet. ‘Okay, God,’ he said, getting down onto his knees again, ‘if you ever want to see your mother again…’
Текст астана на английском языке.
Цунами на англ.
Related topics:
- A catholic lithanyA man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. «A priest. Somebody get me a priest!» the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. «A ... Читать далее...
- A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform beganA few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, «Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what’s going on in Rome?» «No,» said Mrs Finkelstein. «I haven’t. What’s going on in Rome?» «A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other ... Читать далее...
- Collection 11You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer ... Читать далее...
- A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова prayPray — молиться, молить Перевод слова To pray for pardon — молить о прощении the peasants prayed for rain — крестьяне молились о дожде to pray at a shrine — молиться у святыни I’m Praying for Mother to get better. Я молюсь, чтобы маме стало лучше. He Prayed that he might be forgiven. Он молил ... Читать далее...
- Three college roommates — two females and a maleThree college roommates — two females and a male — began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. «All right,» one of the girls said, «the first one to speak has to do them.» The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы jumping-off place[jumping-off place] {n. phr.} 1. A place so far away that it seemsto be the end of the world. Columbus’ sailors were afraid theywould arrive at the jumping-off place if they sailed farther west. So you visited Little America? That sounds like the jumping-offplace! 2. The starting place of a long, hard trip or of ... Читать далее...
- A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова emptyEmpty — пустой, опорожнять Перевод слова Empty boast — пустое хвастовство to empty a bottle — опустошить бутылку empty hotels — свободные отели The streets were Empty. Улицы были пусты. The treasury is almost Empty. Казна почти пуста. I found myself Empty. Я обнаружил, что голоден. Примеры из жизни В настольных операционных системах существует понятие ... Читать далее...
- A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him backA guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова windowWindow — окно Перевод слова First-floor window — окно первого этажа half window — полуокно to jump out of a window — выпрыгивать из окна She opened a Window to let in some air. Она открыла окно, чтобы проветрить помещение. The Window banged shut Окно с грохотом закрылось. She stood by the Window. Она стояла ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова kneelKneel — становиться на колени Перевод слова Kneel upon a stone floor — стоять на коленях на каменном полу kneel down — преклонять колени kneel in prayer — молиться на коленях I Knelt down to play with the baby on the floor. Я опустился на колени, чтобы поиграть на полу с ребенком. He was Kneeling ... Читать далее...
- Mary was having an affair during the day whileMary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: «Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!» Ralph looked ... Читать далее...
- France JokesQ: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris? A: He was declared to be in Seine. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
- Collection 15If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt ... Читать далее...
- A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureauA journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: «You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that ... Читать далее...
- Pray hardA lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, «Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.» «What do they say?» the priest inquired. «They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?» «That’s obscene!» the priest exclaimed, ... Читать далее...
- The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
- Wife-taming methodTwo married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, «You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. ... Читать далее...
- Where to send him?A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the ... Читать далее...
- The approach of winterDec. 8 5:00 p. m. — It’s starting to snow, the first of the season, and the wife and I took our buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so beautiful. Dec. 9 — We awoke to a big ... Читать далее...
- Description of a person and a place — Описание человека и местаI’d like to tell you about my friend Andrey and his flat. Andrey is fourteen. He lives with his parents not far from our school. Andrey has a lot of hobbies: he likes to play the computer, to read detective stories, to collect matchboxes. He has large collection of them. He likes animals, especially cats. ... Читать далее...
- Man v. catA man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова suddenlySuddenly — вдруг, внезапно Перевод слова The thought came suddenly to me — мне пришла в голову мысль with an engine suddenly failed — при внезапном отказе двигателя be suddenly seized with illness — внезапно заболеть An idea Suddenly struck me. Меня внезапно осенила мысль. No one likes to be Suddenly awakened. Никто не любит, ... Читать далее...
- Перевод слова answerAnswer — отвечать, откликаться; ответ Перевод слова To give an answer — отвечать the answer to 3 17 is 51 — 3×17 равно 51 definite answer — ясный и точный ответ double answer — двусмысленный ответ He gave a coy Answer. Он дал уклончивый ответ. Who knows the Answer? Кто знает ответ? I will Answer ... Читать далее...
- Упражнения «Причастие I и II» (с ответами)1. Напишите следующие глаголы в форме причастий. Причастие I Перфектное причастие I Причастие II Work Read Leave Go Laugh 2. Распределите следующие предложения по группам. The garden was full of children, laughing and shouting. (Сад был полон детей, смеющихся и кричащих.) Could you pick up the broken glass? (Ты не мог бы поднять разбитый стакан?) ... Читать далее...
- Life Science Final ExamThe not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: «Give four advantages of breast milk.» What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can’t ... Читать далее...
- Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisesLate one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked ... Читать далее...
- Bet made at the local barA man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy ... Читать далее...
- Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы answer the call of nature[answer the call of nature] or [obey the call of nature] {v. phr.}, {slang} To go to the bathroom to relieve oneself by urinating or defecating. Ted was hiking in the mountains when suddenly he had to answer the call of nature but since there was no bathroom in the woods, he excused himself and ... Читать далее...
- Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothelTwo Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. «Ah, will you look at that?» One ditch digger said. «What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?» A short time later, ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы stand out[stand out] {v.} 1. To go farther out than a nearby surface;protect. A mole stood out on her cheek. Compare: STICK OUT. 2.To be more noticeable in some way than those around you; be higher, bigger, or better. Fred was very tall and stood out in the crowd. John stood out as a track star....
- A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in AmsterdamA Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,»So, what does this cost??!!». And the hooker replies,»25 dollars!!». And the Pollock said,»Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!»....
- A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each otherA Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window ... Читать далее...
- A new statue for the bedroomA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. «Hurry!» she said, «Stand in the corner.» She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. «Don’t move until I tell you to.» she whispered. «Just pretend you’re a statue.» «What’s ... Читать далее...
- A man was driving from New York to San FranciscoA man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far as Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was ... Читать далее...
- Three different kinds of sexDid you know that once you get married, you can look forward to three different kinds of sex? First, there’s House Sex: That’s when you make love all over the house: on the floor, on the kitchen table, in the garage, anywhere, anytime — much like two crazed rabbits. Then comes Bedroom Sex: That’s when ... Читать далее...
- ATM proceduresChase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to ... Читать далее...
- Значение идиомы clear out[clear out] {v.} 1. To take everything out of; empty. When Bill was moved to another class he cleared out his desk. 2. {informal} To leave suddenly; go away; depart. The cop told the boys to clear out. Bob cleared out without paying his room rent. Clear out of here! You’re bothering me. Compare: BEAT ... Читать далее...
A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could