A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven

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1. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
2. Значение идиомы ear [ear] See: ABOUT ONE’S EARS or AROUND ONE’S EARS, BELIEVE ONE’SEARS, DRY BEHIND THE EARS, FLEA IN ONE’S EAR, GIVE AN EAR TO or LENDAN EAR TO, GO IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER, JUG-EARED, LITTLE PITCHERSHAVE BIG EARS, MUSIC TO ONE’S EARS, PIN ONE’S EARS BACK, PLAY BY EAR, PRICK UP ONE’S EARS, […]...
3. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
4. Dealing with a lawyer A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in […]...
5. Marrying and divorcing in Heaven It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. […]...
6. Pick Heaven or Hell One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have […]...
7. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
8. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
9. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
10. A priest and a lawyer are walking down A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, “How’d you like to fuck that?” To which the lawyer replied, “Out of what?”...
11. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
12. On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible “What are you doing?” asked the friend. “Looking for loopholes,” repied the lawyer....
13. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
14. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw […]...
15. Fidel dies and goes to heaven Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself […]...
16. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
17. Пословица / поговорка better the devil you know than the devil you don’t / better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: better the devil you know than the devil you don’t / better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know Перевод: лучше известное зло, чем неизвестное Эквивалент в русском языке: из двух зол выбирай меньшее Пример: My friend wanted to change banks but he felt that it was better the […]...
18. The Road to Heaven A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to […]...
19. Перевод слова deaf Deaf – глухой; бесплодный, пустой Перевод слова He is a little deaf – он плохо слышит deaf to advice – глух к советам deaf seed – погибшее зерно He has been Deaf since birth. Он был глухой с рождения. They were Deaf to all our pleas. Они были глухи к нашим мольбам. He is Deaf […]...
20. Значение идиомы devil [devil] See: BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA, FULL OF THE OLD NICK or FULL OF THE DEVIL, GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DUE, GO TO THE DEVIL, PLAY THE DEVIL WITH, RAISE THE DEVIL, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL AND HE APPEARS....
21. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
22. Get money to heaven A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to […]...
23. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
24. Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. “Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that […]...
25. Значение идиомы go to the devil [go to the devil] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To go away, mind yourown business. – Used as a command; considered rude. George told Bobto go to the devil. “Go to the devil!” said Jack, when his sistertried to tell him what to do. 2. To become bad or ruined; becomeuseless. The boy got mixed up […]...
26. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace […]...
27. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me […]...
28. Перевод слова appeal Appeal – призыв, обращение, воззвание Перевод слова To support an appeal – поддерживать обращение to appeal a decision – обжаловать решение mute look of appeal – безмолвный умоляющий взгляд to make an appeal – выступить с обращением I Appeal to you to let me alone. Я умоляю тебя оставить меня в покое. Movies had a […]...
29. Twenty men die and go to heaven Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first […]...
30. Значение идиомы believe one’s ears [believe one’s ears] {v. phr.} 1. To believe what one hears; trust one’s hearing. – Used with a negative or limiter, or in an interrogative or conditional sentence. He thought he heard a horn blowing in the distance, but he could not believe his ears. 2. To be made sure of. Is he really coming? […]...
31. Значение идиомы for the devil [for the devil] or [heck] or [the hell of it] {adv. phr.} For nospecific reason; just for sport and fun. We poured salt into UncleTom’s coffee, just for the heck of it. See: DEVIL OF IT....
32. Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911 Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.” The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?” There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How […]...
33. Значение идиомы all ears [all ears] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Very eager to hear; very attentive. – Used in the predicate. Go ahead with your story; we are all ears. When John told about the circus, the boys were all ears....
34. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: “You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in […]...
35. Перевод слова ear Ear – ухо, слух Перевод слова Deaf in one ear – глухой на одно ухо to grate on smb.’s ears – резать слух to play by ear – играть по слуху She tucked her hair behind her Ears. Она заправила волосы за ушами. In at one Ear and out at the other. В одно ухо […]...
36. Значение идиомы ears burn [ears burn] {informal} To feel embarrassment or shame at hearingothers talk about you. Joan overheard the girls criticizing her andit made her ears burn. Joe’s ears burned when he heard hisclassmates praising him to each other....
37. Punishment in hell A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.” […]...
38. Пословица / поговорка walls have ears – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: walls have ears Перевод: у стен есть уши Эквивалент в русском языке: лес видит, а поле слышит Пример: We were told that walls have ears when our supervisor heard us talking in the hall. Нам сказали, что у стен есть уши, когда наш менеджер услышал, как мы говорим в коридоре....
39. Hillary goes to heaven Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” So Hillary sits down […]...
40. Clinton is in Heaven President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton”. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit […]...