A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair

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1. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said […]...
2. Orange penis An old man goes to the doctor and says “Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.” The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. […]...
3. Перевод идиомы pale around the gills / blue around the gills / green around the gills, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: pale around the gills / blue around the gills / green around the gills Перевод: побледневший, выглядящий нездоровым Пример: My colleague was looking a little pale around the gills when he came to work today. Мой коллега выглядел немного нездоровым, когда он пришел сегодня на работу....
4. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
5. An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions. “Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.” “The same as the short ones, honey.”...
6. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
7. Talking About Intelligence Andre: Mom, I can’t believe I got Stuck with Matt as my Lab partner in school. Josephine: Matt? Do I know Matt? Andre: He lives down the street. He’s Mr. and Mrs. Kemp’s son. He’s a total Airhead. Josephine: Oh, I remember him. He was at your birthday party. Andre: Yeah, when I was nine […]...
8. A gruesome discovery A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. “What’s underneath your kilt?”, she asked him. “Why don’t you take a look”, he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the kilt. then let it go,”Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Well, why don’t you take another look, it […]...
9. Be afraid if you annoy this husband A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, […]...
10. Hair spray A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
11. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
12. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
13. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
14. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
15. Перевод идиомы let one’s hair down / let down one’s hair, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: let one’s hair down / let down one’s hair Перевод: расслабиться, делать то, что хочется; не обращать внимания на мнение других, перестать стесняться Пример: Everybody at the party let down their hair and had a good time. На вечеринке все расслаблялись, веселились, и хорошо проводили время....
16. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
17. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
18. Laboratory Rabbit Freedom Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ […]...
19. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
20. Our bright childhood 10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. “Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?” says mom. Timmy replies, “Because his dick tasted like shit!”...
21. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
22. Fucking bear Ones there was a wild-wild bear. He went through the wild dark fores an? drank beer, so he was drunk. – People don’t understand me, fucking people… I want to fuck them… i wanna fuck all the mankind! A second latter a wild hunter fucked a wild bear into his ass…...
23. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
24. Перевод идиомы curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl Идиома: curl someone’s hair / make someone’s hair curl Перевод: шокировать, привести в ужас; заставить волосы встать дыбом Пример: The man described the accident. It was enough to curl your hair! Мужчина описал несчастный случай. От этого волосы вставали дыбом!...
25. Перевод слова wild Wild – дикий, нецивилизованный Перевод слова Wild tribes – дикие племена wild animals – дикие звери wild flowers – полевые цветы My son’s Wild about football. Мой сын просто без ума от футбола. A mob runs Wild. Толпа выходит из-под контроля, буйствует. They live somewhere out in the Wilds. Они жили где-то в дикой местности....
26. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
27. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, “I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.” That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, “I’ve never seen anything like that. […]...
28. Charged for speeding A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away […]...
29. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
30. Staring down from the bench to announce the terms Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: “I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.” To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: “That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, […]...
31. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
32. One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the […]...
33. Remember a child A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my […]...
34. Значение идиомы snug as a bug in a rug [snug as a bug in a rug] {adj. phr.} Comfortable; cozy. “Are youwarm enough?” the boy’s mother asked. “Yeah,” he replied, “I’m snug asa bug in a rug.”...
35. As a sergeant in a parachute regiment As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?”, I asked. He replied, “No, just a bit apperhensive.” I asked, “What’s […]...
36. Перевод идиомы out of the blue, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: out of the blue Перевод: неожиданно, внезапно; словно из ниоткуда Пример: From out of the blue I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get married. Я неожиданно спросил свою девушку, не хотела бы она выйти за муж....
37. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
38. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
39. Значение идиомы stare in the face [stare in the face] {n. phr.} 1. To be about to meet or to happento Grandmother became very sick and death was staring her inthe face. Defeat stared them in the face, but the soldiers foughton bravely. 2. To be easy to see; be plain. Are you looking foryour pencil? It’s on your desk, staring […]...
40. Значение идиомы run wild [run wild] {v. phr.} To be or go out of control. The studentsran wild during spring vacation. The new supervisor lets thechildren run wild. The violets are running wild in the flowerbed. Compare: RUN RIOT....