A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki

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1. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for […]...
2. The Australian way After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She […]...
3. There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, “Ma’am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?” The hooker replied, “Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it’s “really” […]...
4. Перевод сленгового выражения hooker, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: hooker Сленговое выражение: hooker груб. Перевод: проститутка Пример: He spent the night with a hooker in Las Vegas. В Лас-Вегасе он провел ночь с проституткой....
5. A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,”So, what does this cost??!!”. And the hooker replies,”25 dollars!!”. And the Pollock said,”Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!”....
6. A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier after having eaten a very expensive lunch at one of Beverly Hills most exclusive restaurants. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. […]...
7. Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker, and he says, “How much?” She says, “Twenty bucks.” He says, “All right.” They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he’s […]...
8. Foreplay After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, “Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you’re about to kill someone.” “I am!!!” Lori fumed. […]...
9. Перевод слова afraid Afraid – испуганный, боящийся Перевод слова To be afraid of smth. – бояться чего-л. to make afraid – пугать to be half afraid – опасаться Don’t be Afraid to ask for help. Не бойтесь просить о помощи. I’m Afraid you’re wrong. Я боюсь, что вы неправы. I’m Afraid I’ve overdone the vegetables. Кажется, я переварил […]...
10. Elephants IX Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book – The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book – Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant […]...
11. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
12. Back in the turn of the century in a mining town Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to […]...
13. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
14. The Big Scare Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: “I’m afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me.”...
15. A wife was berating her husband A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”...
16. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
17. Make a last request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning […]...
18. Last Request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning […]...
19. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
20. No exit An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]...
21. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
22. Two hookers were on a street corner Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, “Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air.” The other hooker looked at her and said, “No, I just burped.”...
23. Humor about Ireland 2 Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin – but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]...
24. An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions. “Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.” “The same as the short ones, honey.”...
25. Back in the 1960’s white activists often got their hair styled Back in the 1960’s white activists often got their hair styled in an afro – a large bush-style hairdoo – to show support for civil rights. One such fellow did so, and arrived home smiling and announced that he’d also teased all his pubic hair into the same bushy style. His wife, who had had […]...
26. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, “Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.” “Sure,” he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, “Is […]...
27. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed […]...
28. Optimist vs. pessimist A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, […]...
29. Гостиница Основные фразы на английском языке, которые помогут вам общаться в отеле или в гостинице. Обязательно знать, если вы едете отдыхать за границу. I’m looking for a clean and cheap hotel room. Мне нужен чистый и недорогой номер в гостинице. Have you any accomodations? У вас есть свободные номера? Have you booked a room, sir? Вы […]...
30. The room was full of pregnant ladies The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. […]...
31. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
32. Значение идиомы afraid of one’s shadow [afraid of one’s shadow] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Scared of small or imaginary things; very easily frightened; jumpy; nervous. Mrs. Smith won’t stay alone in her house at night; she is afraid of her own shadow. Johnny cries whenever he must say hello to an adult; he is afraid of his own shadow....
33. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room […]...
34. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
35. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
36. After years of psychotherapy After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified. “Why are you so afraid, you’re not a grain of wheat after all,” his friend asked. John replied, “You know it and I know it, but […]...
37. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
38. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. “Would you […]...
39. Значение идиомы queer fish [queer fish] {n.} A strange or unusual person who does odd things. Uncle Algernon dresses in heavy furs in the summer andshort-sleeved shirts in the winter. No wonder everyone considers him aqueer fish....
40. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, “I did that by accident.” She replied, “I know that, daddy.” He replied, “How’d you know?” The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”...