A farmer walked into an attorney office

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1. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering holeFarmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. «Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling ... Читать далее...
2. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
3. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова farmerFarmer — фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer — скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer — колхозник truck farmer — огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова attorneyAttorney — поверенный, адвокат Перевод слова Attorney general — главный прокурор штата by attorney — по доверенности to obtain an attorney — получить адвоката You may need to retain an Attorney. Вам, возможно, потребуется нанять адвоката. Their brother was articled to an Attorney. Их брат стажировался у адвоката. I can give you the address of ... Читать далее...
6. A defending attorney was cross examining a coronerA defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, «Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?» The coroner says, «No.» The attorney then asks, «Did you listen for a heart beat?» «No.» «So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure ... Читать далее...
7. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheepFarmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, «My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?» The farmer says, «I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to ... Читать далее...
8. The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims toThe District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward and say, «Give me all your money…and I need some change in quarters, nickels and dimes.» The ... Читать далее...
9. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
10. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
11. A farmer and his girlfriendA farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. «Boy,» said the farmer, «that sure makes me want to do the same.» «Well, go ahead,» said his girlfriend. «It’s your cow.»...
12. Buying Office FurnitureNatalia: Is that the Office Shop Catalogue? Kei: Yeah, I’m in charge of Furnishing the new offices on the second floor. They need everything – Desks, file cabinets, bookcases – you name it. Natalia: That sounds like fun. I love shopping for new furniture. Can I help? Kei: Yes, definitely. I’ve picked out a few ... Читать далее...
13. A wise choiceThe following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: «At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?» Farmer: «That’s right.» Attorney: «Well, then, how is it ... Читать далее...
14. A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who wereA farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, «I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?» No. The second beau came to the door and said, «I’m Joe, I’m here to pick ... Читать далее...
15. A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty yearsA farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. «No! I’m not doing it anymore!» ... Читать далее...
16. Old farmer Johnson was dyingOld farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife, «Maude, when I’m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.» «Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!» Maude replies. «But I want you to, Maude.» «But why?» Maude asks. «Because ... Читать далее...
17. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова fileFile — скоросшиватель, документы, файл Перевод слова Do we have your application on file? — вы уже подали заявление? to read one’s own personal file — прочитать свое личное дело file device — файловое устройство His wife’s Filing for divorce. Его жена подает на развод. These documents are kept on File. Эти документы подшиты к ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы box office[box office] {n.}, {informal} 1. The place at movies and theaters where tickets may be purchased just before the performance instead of having ordered them through the telephone or having bought them at a ticket agency. No need to reserve the seats; we can pick them up at the box office. 2. A best-selling movie, ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова divorceDivorce — развод, расторжение брака Перевод слова Divorce by proxy — развод по доверенности to file for divorce — подавать на развод a divorce proceedings — бракоразводный процесс It is difficult to Divorce sport from politics. Трудно отделять спорт от политики. Their marriage ended in Divorce. Их брак закончился разводом. This famous actress has been ... Читать далее...
21. Lawyers arrive in JapanSource: Sunday Daily Breeze Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова officeOffice — офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office — судебная должность holder of an office — должностное лицо lawyer’s office — адвокатская контора editorial office — редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
23. A guy walks into a post officeA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы nurse a grudge[nurse a grudge] {v. phr.} To keep a feeling of envy or disliketoward some person; remember something bad that a person said or didto you, and dislike the person because of that. Torn nursed agrudge against John because John took his place on the basketballteam. Mary nursed a grudge against her teacher because she thoughtshe ... Читать далее...
25. Being SuedAlly: Hello, Ally McNeal. Jerry: Ally, this is Jerry Mason. I need to talk to you right away. We’re Being sued and we’ve just Been served. This is one of those times I wish we had In-house counsel. Ally: Jerry, you know that our firm will do its best To represent you, as we’ve done ... Читать далее...
26. US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary schoolUS Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says: ‘I will now answer any questions you have.’ Bobby stands up and says: ‘I have four questions’: 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why ... Читать далее...
27. For three years, the young attorney had been taking hisFor three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы bear a grudge[bear a grudge] {v. phr.} To persist in bearing ill feeling toward someone after a quarrel or period of hostility. Come on, John, be a good sport and don’t bear a grudge because I beat you at golf. Contrast: BURY THE HATCHET....
29. Перевод идиомы bear a grudge (against someone) / have a grudge (against someone) / hold a grudge (against someone), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: bear a grudge (against someone) / have a grudge (against someone) / hold a grudge (against someone) Перевод: иметь зуб против кого-либо, держать злобу на кого-либо Пример: The woman continued to bear a grudge against her friend for many years. Женщина много лет держала злобу на свою подругу....
30. Перевод слова post-officePost-office — почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official — почтовый чиновник post-office receipt — почтовая квитанция post-office box — абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach — почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp — дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где ... Читать далее...
31. I walked up to a really pretty girl at the barI walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, «Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?» She said, «Do you like sex?» I said, «Of course I like sex.» She said, «Do you like to travel?» I said, «Yeah, I love to travel.» She said, «Then fuck ... Читать далее...
32. A farmer comes home with a lively young bullA farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw ... Читать далее...
33. Every damn timeSpeaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a divorce on the grounds that her husband «beats her.» The Judge, wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman. «Every damn time your Honor,» she sighed, «Every damn time!»...
34. A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walkedA visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. «Hi,» he said, «I’m new in town. Can I buy you a drink?» «Get lost,» she remarked, «I am Lesbian.» «Oh, really?» he asked, «How are things in Beiruit?»...
35. Welfare officeA young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, «Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, «Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his ... Читать далее...
36. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third timeJones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. «What’s the story this time, Jones?» he asked sarcastically. «Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.» Jones sighed, «Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the ... Читать далее...
37. Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the southMike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with ... Читать далее...
38. Humor about the IrishmenThere is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. «Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?» the solicitor questioned his client. «Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?» «Oh, no,» replied Mrs. O’Connor. «Shure now, we ... Читать далее...
39. Your hair smells niceA man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, «What’s wrong with the coworker ... Читать далее...
40. That was an insultA man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry. He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, «Asshole attorneys». The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying «I want you to know I highly resent that remark». «Why, are you an ... Читать далее...