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1. The Missionary and the ChiefA missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. ... Читать далее...
2. Good fortuneA man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody’s there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод сленгового выражения bash, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: bash Перевод: 1. празднование, вечеринка; 2. критиковать, осуждать Пример: Yes, it was quite a bash. Да, это была замечательная вечеринка. Why do you have to bash my beliefs? Почему ты осуждаешь мои убеждения?...
4. A very religious man lived right next door to an atheistA very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, ... Читать далее...
5. A group of Americans was touring IrelandA group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. «Good luck will be followin’ ... Читать далее...
6. A Burglar is in Big TroubleA burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, «I can see you, and so can Jesus!» Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his ... Читать далее...
7. Now he’s in troubleA police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, «what’s the problem officer?» To which the policeman responded, «I stopped you for running that red light behind you.» Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and ... Читать далее...
8. Indian chief’s signalAn Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: «Hey, ... Читать далее...
9. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over AfricaThere was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод идиомы ask for trouble / look for trouble, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: ask for trouble / look for trouble Перевод: напрашиваться на неприятности; вести себя таким образом, который приведет к неприятностям Пример: The boy is asking for trouble if he misses another class. Этот мальчик сам напросится на неприятности, если пропустит еще одно занятие....
11. Значение идиомы stone[stone] See: CAST THE FIRST STONE, HAVE A HEART OF STONE, KILL TWOBIRDS WITH ONE STONE, LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED, PEOPLE WHO LIVE INGLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES, ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS....
12. Ru-RuTwo guys get stuck on a desert island. They are soon caught by the natives and brought to a village and put before the cheif. He says to the first guy,»As punishment for tresspassing I give you a choice, death or Ru Ru».Not wanting to die he picks Ru Ru. He is then beaten and ... Читать далее...
13. The alcohol troubleDuring grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols: The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of ... Читать далее...
14. Conducting a SearchSecurity Chief: Okay, people. We’ve just had a report of a Missing child on this property. We need to find him fast. I want you two To search Every room in this building. Look in Every nook and cranny. Ramona: Excuse me, may I ask a question? Security Chief: You can when I’m done. Now ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова evilEvil — зло, порок, злой Перевод слова Good and evil — добро и зло to lead a life of evil — вести порочную жизнь to root out evil — искоренять зло We must return good for Evil. Надо платить добром за зло. Of two Evils choose the less. Из двух зол выбирай меньшее. An Evil ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова chiefChief — руководитель, начальник, вождь; главный, основной Перевод слова Chief editor — главный редактор chief intimate — лучший друг chief supporter — основной сторонник chief reasons — главные причины The Chief wants you. Вас требует начальник. The fire Chief suspects arson. Начальник пожарной охраны подозревает поджог. Safety is our Chief concern. Безопасность — наша главная ... Читать далее...
17. An explorer goes into an undiscovered tombAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said «I want to know the person you ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы have one’s head screwed on backwards[have one’s head screwed on backwards] {v. phr.} To lack commonsense; behave in strange and irrational ways. Henry seems to havehis head screwed on backwards; he thinks the best time to get a suntanis when it is raining and to sleep with his shoes on....
19. A nun arrives at the local barJohn was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. «You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!» Now John ... Читать далее...
20. Launch the missilesIt’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United ... Читать далее...
21. One day there was an indian chief who was constipatedOne day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says «Big Chief, no shit». the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and ... Читать далее...
22. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heavenWhen the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. «Sorry, old man,» Peter said, «But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.» «Oh, yes. I’ll never ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова voiceVoice — голос, способность петь; выражать Перевод слова The compass of a voice — диапазон голоса in a decided voice — твердым голосом to voice a desire — выражать пожелание I know this Voice! Я узнаю этот голос! Sh! Keep your Voice down! Тсс! Говорите потише! His Voice deepened. Его голос стал более глубоким....
24. What’s on your backThree men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, «What do you want on your back for your whipping?» The German responds, «I will take oil!» So they put oil on his back, and ... Читать далее...
25. A crowd had gathered around a whore andA crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her. Jesus stepped in front of her and said: «Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.» From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked ... Читать далее...
26. Solve Indian puzzlesAn Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made ... Читать далее...
27. The Master Chief was inspecting the barracksThe Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, «Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child. . . on his desk. . . in a jar.» Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, «Goddamned if they don’t find out EVERY little thing about you!»...
28. A guy was driving home one eveningA guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter’s birthday and that he hasn’t bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was «now or never», he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and ... Читать далее...
29. Trouble with the carWIFE: «There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.» HUSBAND: «Water in the carburettor? That’s ridiculous.» WIFE: «I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.» HUSBAND: «You don’t even know what a carburettor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?» WIFE: «In the pool.»...
30. Dealing with troubleA deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The «disturbance» turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, «I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than ... Читать далее...
31. An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests«Look at me.» an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. «I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.» «I certainly have to agree with that.» piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. «Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.»...
32. Deaf lady in troubleOne day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his ... Читать далее...
33. A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmeticA teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, «If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?» «Somebody else’s pants.» said the Little Johnny....
34. Перевод слова suddenlySuddenly — вдруг, внезапно Перевод слова The thought came suddenly to me — мне пришла в голову мысль with an engine suddenly failed — при внезапном отказе двигателя be suddenly seized with illness — внезапно заболеть An idea Suddenly struck me. Меня внезапно осенила мысль. No one likes to be Suddenly awakened. Никто не любит, ... Читать далее...
35. A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desertA fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is. Predictably, he’s ... Читать далее...
36. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness and an atheist?What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and an atheist? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason whatsoever. If God is dead, then what are they giving out at communion?...
37. Who keeps saying those thingsA man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively «You’ve got great hair!» The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard ... Читать далее...
38. Investigating a Terrible AccidentThere was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... Читать далее...
39. Ice fishingThis guy goes ice fishing, takes out an auger and starts drilling. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there. Guy goes to another spot and drills. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: There’s no fish there, either. Guy tries a third spot. LOUD VOICE FROM ABOVE: Nope. Not there either. Guy, getting a little nervous: «Are ... Читать далее...
40. A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditoriumA famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. «Listen to the sound of my voice…», he kept repeating, «the sound of my voice… every word is a command… the sound of my voice…» Pretty soon, ... Читать далее...