Unable to attend the funeral after his father died

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1. Перевод слова unable Unable – неспособный Перевод слова Unable to pay – неплатежеспособный unable to fight a bag of shit – не умеющий драться permanently unable to work – нетрудоспособный unable to sport – неспособный к спорту She is Unable to work today. Она не может работать сегодня. I was Unable to afford the trip. Я был не […]...
2. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the […]...
3. Being in Debt Chang: I don’t mean to be nosey, but all of those bills are red or pink. Are you Behind on all of those bills? Ilya: I am, but it’s no big deal. I can catch up on them next month. Chang: You know that being late on bills is bad for your credit score, right? […]...
4. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
5. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
6. Naming your child There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was […]...
7. Sister Margaret died Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. […]...
8. Значение идиомы fall due [fall due] or [come] or [become due] {v. phr.} To reach the timewhen a bill or invoice is to be paid. Our car payment falls due onthe first of every month....
9. Naming the kids One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing […]...
10. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
11. Fake two dollar bill On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a […]...
12. Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up “Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!” “My boy, you’ve witnessed a miracle! What happened […]...
13. A young man asks his father A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?” The father, surprised, answers: “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, […]...
14. Перевод слова bill Bill – счет; законопроект Перевод слова Payable bills – счета, подлежащие оплате private bill – законопроект, имеющий местное значение hotel bill – счет за проживание в гостинице The Bill was carried. Законопроект был принят. The Bill runs to $100. Счет составляет 100 долларов. The Bill is in abeyance. Обсуждения этого законопроекта приостановлено. Примеры из жизни […]...
15. Перевод слова expense Expense – затрата, расход, издержки Перевод слова At one’s own expense – за свой счет, на свои средства running expenses – эксплуатационные затраты to get a salary and expenses – получать жалованье и возмещение расходов This adds to the Expense. Это увеличивает расходы. Redecorating the house will be a considerable Expense. Отделка дома заново потребует […]...
16. So at the funeral home, the widow instructs Here’s a sick one… So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off her late husband’s penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a […]...
17. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
18. Перевод слова attend Attend – посещать, присутствовать Перевод слова To attend school – ходить в школу the meeting will be well attended – на собрании будет много народу to attend a party – присутствовать на вечеринке We Attend the same church. Мы ходим в одну церковь. She Attends class regularly. Она посещает занятия регулярно. It’s unlikely that she […]...
19. Giving Compliments A friend from work, Nia, Asked a few of us over to her apartment to watch the game this Sunday and I was really nervous. I’ve always liked Nia and I was hoping we could Be more than friends. My brother, Charlie, said that if I really liked her, I should be sure to give […]...
20. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an […]...
21. A Visit to the Doctor Going to the doctor is never Particularly pleasant for me. But I couldn’t Put it off Any longer. It was time for my Annual physical, and there was no Getting around it. So I picked up the phone and called for an appointment. “I’d like to see Dr. Shimoya next week, please, if that’s possible,” […]...
22. Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry Son, your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.” The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. “Son, your father will […]...
23. Значение идиомы cold cash [cold cash] or [hard cash] {n.} Money that is paid at the time of purchase; real money; silver and bills. Mr. Jones bought a new car and paid cold cash for it. Some stores sell things only for cold cash. Compare: CASH ON THE BARRELHEAD....
24. The way he died A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]...
25. Noisy Neighbors I live in a quiet neighborhood. At least that’s what I thought until last week. I live in a Cul de sac In a Residential neighborhood in Los Angeles. There is a nice retired Couple that lives Kitty corner from me. They have always been very friendly and we have Gotten along very well. About […]...
26. Preparing to Travel Shannon: It looks like you’re ready for your trip. You must be Psyched. Ignacio: Yeah, I am. I’m almost ready. I’ve gone to the post office and filled out a form so they’ll Hold my mail while I’m gone. Shannon: I could pick up your mail for you. Ignacio: Thanks, but it’ll just be easier […]...
27. Fluffy died This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow […]...
28. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
29. My Father – Мой отец My father is the best father in the world. His name is An-drey. His second name is Vasilievich and family name is Kravenko. He is 43. My dad is an engineer. He works at an industrial plant. In the childhood, my dad was a very smart boy. He knew everything. When he finished school, he […]...
30. Ne day, this man, Tony, died One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could […]...
31. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
32. Million-dollar bill user pleads ignorance, blames Treasury A woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart said it was all just a misunderstanding – she thought the bill was real. The United States Treasury does not make $1 million bills. “You can’t keep up with the U. S. Treasury,” said Alice Pike, […]...
33. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
34. Перевод слова funeral Funeral – похороны Перевод слова To administer the funeral rites – отправлять похоронные обряды funeral honours – последние почести funeral march – похоронный марш His Funeral will be held on Friday. Его похороны состоятся в пятницу. The family are making arrangements for his Funeral. Семья занимается организацией его похорон. They want the Funeral to be […]...
35. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
36. Three girls died and were brought to the gates Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, “Before entering you must answer this simple question.” “Which is…?”, they replied in unison. “Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the first girl. […]...
37. A cattleman from West Texas died A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and […]...
38. The Funeral of Julius Caesar, 44 BCE How after the murder of Julius Caesar (15th of March, 44 B. C.) Marcus Antonius (Mark Antony), his friend, and, in virtue of the consulship, chief magistrate, roused the Roman multitude against the assassins by his famous funeral oration is known mainly through the incomparable version given by Shakespeare [Julius Caesar: Act II, Scene 2]. […]...
39. A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Arizona.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter…and second, […]...
40. Значение идиомы choke up [choke up] {v.} 1a. To come near losing calmness or self-control from strong feeling; be upset by your feelings. When one speaker after another praised John, he choked up and couldn’t thank them. When Father tried to tell me how glad he was to see me safe after the accident, he choked up and was […]...