Two young girls were talking about their sex lives

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1. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
2. Good girls vs. Bad girlsGood girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during ... Читать далее...
3. A young couple got married, and in their familyA young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between ... Читать далее...
4. Three girls died and were brought to the gatesThree girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, «Before entering you must answer this simple question.» «Which is…?», they replied in unison. «Have you been a good girl?», he asked the first girl. ... Читать далее...
5. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
6. There is a child molester and a young boy walking throughThere is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, «Mister i’m scared and cold, please let me go»,the child molester cries out, «You think your scared I have to walk home alone!»...
7. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...
8. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
9. A young peasant girl of fourteenA young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, «But why?» he asked. «Nothin, I just wanna ... Читать далее...
10. The young playboy took a blind date to anThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
11. Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girlsMary came back from lunch to find that all the girls in the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down the girl on her right hissed, «Turn over, Mary — this ... Читать далее...
12. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement parkThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
13. The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
14. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whalesA little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a ... Читать далее...
15. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
16. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
17. An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. «Oh honey», said the young nymph, «Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?» «No», said the old man, «It means you can take your pick.»...
18. This young lady, a flighty young thingThis young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare ... Читать далее...
19. A young girl is with her dad at the barbersA young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. «Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?» asked the barber. «Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!» said the girl!...
20. Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekickStudly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and — barely audibly — inquires, «Tickle your ass with a feather?» The ... Читать далее...
21. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...
22. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
23. The headmistress at a girls prep schoolThe headmistress at a girls’ prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: «We’re having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend.» «Why of course,» the Lieutenant answers. ... Читать далее...
24. How does physics save lives?One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask «Why do we have to learn this stuff?» «To save lives.» the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. «So how does physics save lives?» he persisted. «It ... Читать далее...
25. Two Girls, a Golden Balloon, and FateChance is a strange thing. Over the course of history, truly astonishing things have happened — the man who won the lottery twice in one day, or the woman who was struck by lightning four times, for instance — but most of these circumstances have been dissected by statisticians and scientists, and demystified. Sometimes though, ... Читать далее...
26. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы cat has nine lives[cat has nine lives] A cat can move so fast and jump so well that he seems to escape being killed many times. We thought our cat would be killed when he fell from the roof of the house. He was not, but he used up one of his nine lives....
28. Пословица / поговорка he who lives by the sword dies by the sword — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: he who lives by the sword dies by the sword Перевод: кто живет с мечом, тот и умрет от меча Пример: The young man was involved in selling illegal drugs and he was found murdered. Sadly, he who lives by the sword dies by the sword. Молодой человек занимался продажей наркотиков, и ... Читать далее...
29. A little girl was walking along a beach in CaliforniaA little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, «What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?» The man said, «Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!» The man thought nothing of ... Читать далее...
30. Mom, can little girls have babies?Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, «Mommy, can little girls have babies?» «No», said his mom, «of course not.» Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, «It’s okay, we can play that game again!»...
31. A young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up strandedA young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, ... Читать далее...
32. Two men are discussing their livesTwo men are discussing their lives. One says, «I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.» The other one says, «I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.»...
33. Значение идиомы talking point[talking point] {n.} Something good about a person or thing thatcan be talked about in selling it. The streamlined shape of the carwas one of its talking points. John tried to get Mary to dateBill. One of his talking points was that Bill was captain of thefootball team....
34. Перевод идиомы Now you’re talking!, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: Now you’re talking! Идиома: Now you’re talking! разг. Перевод: Вот это уже другой разговор! Неплохая идея! Пример: «Would you like pizza for dinner?» «Now you’re talking!» Хочешь пиццы на ужин? — Еще как!...
35. A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatristA Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. «I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and ... Читать далее...
36. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
37. Пословица / поговорка a cat has nine lives — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: a cat has nine lives Перевод: кошки живучи; у кошки девять жизней Пример: The president of the small country survived crisis after crisis just like a cat with nine lives. Президент этой маленькой страны переживал один кризис за другим, прямо как кошка, у которой девять жизней....
38. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a showA young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод слова youngYoung — молодой, юный Перевод слова Robust young man — здоровый крепкий юноша young fellow — молодой человек young idea — свежая идея A Young cat is a kitten. Маленькую кошку называют котенком. He looks Young for his age. Он выглядит молодо для своего возраста. The lioness fought to protect her Young. Львица дралась, чтобы ... Читать далее...
40. One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighborOne afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me…six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to ... Читать далее...