Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner

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1. A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurantA stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: «Sir! Please stop that immediately.» «Certainly, madame,» replies the waiter with a bow, ... Читать далее...
2. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DCGeorge W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. «I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,» answers the President. «But sir, what about the mad cow?!!» asks the waiter. «Oh,» answers Dubya, «she’ll order for herself.»...
3. Two nuns were driving alone out in the booniesTwo nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. «I’m sorry, sister,» said the attendant, «but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. ... Читать далее...
4. Nuns First Hot DogNuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, «I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.» «Odd,» her companion replies, «but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.» Nodding emphatically, the ... Читать далее...
5. Bill and Hillary are at a restaurantBill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. The chicken sounds good, I’ll have that,» Hillary says. The waiter nods. And the vegetable?» he asks. Oh, He’ll have the fish,» Hillary replies....
6. Two nuns are walking down an alleyTwo nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, «Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!» The second one says, «This one does!»...
7. Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie manTwo nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: «Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that’s 150, you’ll get a 25% discount!» The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: «We could eat the 30, ... Читать далее...
8. Dining at a Restaurant II (Fast)I love coming to this Italian restaurant. The appetizers and desserts are To die for. When the waiter came to our table To take our order, my friend ordered a lobster ravioli dish, and I ordered my favorite, lasagna. The waiter then asked us, «Would you like a Soup or salad with that?» My friend ... Читать далее...
9. A panda bear walks into a restaurantA panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, «Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying ... Читать далее...
10. Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open marketThree nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay. The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them. A nun answered back, «Well, ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова restaurantRestaurant — ресторан Перевод слова Buffet restaurant — ресторанчик, работающий по системе «шведский стол» decent restaurant — приличный ресторан to dine at a restaurant — обедать в ресторане We had dinner at a local Restaurant. Мы поужинали в местном ресторане. That Restaurant was a real find! Тот ресторан был настоящей находкой! The Restaurant opened earlier ... Читать далее...
12. Confuse traffic signsA cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: «Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?» Sister: «Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.» Cop: «Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly ... Читать далее...
13. Show him your crossTwo nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. «Quick, quick!» shouts Sister Mary Agnes, «What should ... Читать далее...
14. A Problem with a Restaurant CheckI waved my hand To get the waiter’s attention. Waiter: Yes? Leslie: The Check, please. Waiter: Would you like any Dessert, or some tea or coffee? Leslie: No, just the check. Thanks. Waiter: Here you are. I’ll Ring that up for you when you’re ready. Leslie: Thank you. Oh, there seems to be a Mistake ... Читать далее...
15. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open tableA man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, «Do all the waiters ... Читать далее...
16. Dining at a Restaurant I (Fast)Well, I love going out to restaurants to eat. One of the best experiences I’ve had recently was at a place here in Los Angeles called Il Fornaio. It’s an Italian restaurant in a very nice part of Beverly Hills. I don’t go there very often-I can’t really afford it, but every once in a ... Читать далее...
17. Expresso and a syringeThis guy goes into a restaurant. He’s a little more than strung out from lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight face. The waiter says,»I’m sorry sir, we’re all out». «In that case ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова dinnerDinner — обед Перевод слова Cracking good dinner — отличный обед dinner companion — сотрапезник at dinner — за обедом Dinner is ready. Обед готов. Wouldn’t he stay to Dinner? Не останется ли он пообедать? We’re having ham for Dinner. У нас ветчина на ужин....
19. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinnerSome time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff ... Читать далее...
20. A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is toldA man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. «Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?», he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, «What’ll it be?» The man replies, «Give me a Stoli with ... Читать далее...
21. The seven dwarves were in RomeThe three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. «Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?» «Sorry», she replies, «but there are no dwarf nuns here». «Well, are there any in the city?». «No, there are no dwarf nuns». ... Читать далее...
22. Spain JokesSpanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. «These, senor,» replied the waiter in broken English, «are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.» The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the ... Читать далее...
23. Making a Restaurant ReservationHostess: Thank you for calling Sakia Restaurant. How may I help you? Randy: I’d like to make a Reservation. Hostess: For which day and for what time? Randy: It’s for Friday, the 24th, at 7 o’clock. Hostess: How many will be in the party? Randy: There will be seven of us. Hostess: And the name ... Читать далее...
24. The Microsoft waiterPatron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it ... Читать далее...
25. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
26. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decidedThis guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. ... Читать далее...
27. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «В ресторане (At the Restaurant)»По-английски Перевод на русский Andrew: Julia, what do think if we go out for dinner tonight? Эндрю: Джулия, что ты думаешь, если мы поужинаем вне дома сегодня вечером? Julia: Sounds fantastic! Which restaurant do you want to go to? Джулия: Здорово! В какой ресторан ты хочешь пойти? Andrew: While driving home yesterday, I saw one ... Читать далее...
28. 4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun ... Читать далее...
29. Constantly complainingA customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth ... Читать далее...
30. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
31. Eat oystersA lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. «What did you eat for dinner last night?» asked the doctor. «Oysters,» she said. «Fresh oysters?» asked the doctor. «How should I know?» said the lady «Well,» asked the doctor, «couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?» «My Gosh,» gasped the ... Читать далее...
32. Finding a Chinese JewSid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. «Sid,» asked Al, «are there any Jews in China?» «I don’t know,» Sid replied. «Why don’t we ask the waiter?» When the waiter came by, Al asked him, «Are there any Chinese Jews?» «I don’t know sir, let me ask,» the waiter replied, and he went ... Читать далее...
33. Discovering too late that aDiscovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant’s owner waited nervously for the clerics’ reaction. «Quick, man,» he whispered to the waiter, «what did they say?» «Nothing,» replied the waiter. «They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.»...
34. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits downA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. «I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order ... Читать далее...
35. Lightbulbs for dinnerLittle Freddie said to Little Johnny, «My dad’s tougher than your dad!» «Oh yeah?» said Little Johnny, «My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!» «Really?» Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'»...
36. At a dinner party, one of the guestsAt a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова waiterWaiter — официант Перевод слова Call the waiter over — подозвать официанта deft waiter — расторопный официант leave a gratuity for the waiter — оставить официанту на чай Has the Waiter taken your order? Официант принял ваш заказ? He took a job as a Waiter. Он устроился на работу в качестве официанта. Did you tip ... Читать далее...
38. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a showA young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned ... Читать далее...
39. В ресторане/ At A RestaurantНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык At A Restaurant В ресторане I enjoy eating out. We often go to a restaurant with my parents. It usually happens at weekend or Friday evenings, when everybody is free from work and studies. My mum likes Italian food: pasta with different sauces, pizza, lasagne and other national ... Читать далее...
40. The dentist was called away from the dinner table toThe dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix. «See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together.» «I’ll come right ... Читать далее...