Thrown out of the lab
Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab
10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as “KKK.”
7. Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.”
6. When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!”
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cats Urine This is, like, so dumb… Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cat’s Urine 1.Treat the beaker like your most prized possession. 2.Solemnly intone the word “no” every time the cat approaches the beaker. 3.After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone with the beaker for thirty seconds....
- Перевод слова immigrant Immigrant – иммигрант Перевод слова Illegal immigrant – незаконный иммигрант immigrant labourer – рабочий-иммигрант immigrant status – статус иммигранта legal immigrant – легальный иммигрант The government tried to disenfranchise some of Immigrant groups. Правительство пыталось лишить права голоса некоторые группы иммигрантов. The city has a large Immigrant population. В городе большое количество иммигрантов. The Immigrant […]...
- The room was full of pregnant women and their partners The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially […]...
- Перевод слова deny Deny – отрицать, отвергать Перевод слова To deny a theory – отвергнуть теорию to deny providence – не верить в судьбу to deny a request – отказать в просьбе Yes, I was there. I don’t Deny it. Да, я был там. Я не отрицаю этого. Spinoza did not Deny the existence of God. Спиноза не […]...
- Chem one-liners 01 Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. – Mike Adams Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate! There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine […]...
- The room was full of pregnant ladies The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. […]...
- A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says “OK,, just grip it like you do your husband’s member”. After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor […]...
- Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
- Peanuts Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it […]...
- Beautiful – in a sentence The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?” Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for […]...
- How to write a paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back […]...
- Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
- Перевод слова paper Paper – бумага, документ, газета Перевод слова Correspondence paper – писчая бумага высокого качества to cover a wall with paper – оклеивать стену обоями working paper – рабочий документ Paper is made from wood. Бумага изготовлена из натурального дерева. Make a hole in the Paper. Проделайте в бумаге отверстие. Have you seen today’s Paper? Вы […]...
- Перевод слова front Front – перед, передняя часть Перевод слова Look to your front – смотри вперед the table of contents is in the front of the book – оглавление находится в начале книги the fine front of a house – красивый фасад дома front man – подставное лицо Dibs on the Front seat! Чур, я на переднем […]...
- Orange penis An old man goes to the doctor and says “Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.” The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. […]...
- The crowded store It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be […]...
- Перевод слова begin Begin – начинать Перевод слова To begin again – начать снова it is beginning to rain – начинается дождь to begin work – приступить к работе We are ready to Begin. Мы готовы начать. We Begin on October 6th. Мы начинаем 6-го октября. I Began teaching in 1984. Я начал преподавать в 1984 году....
- Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
- Safe to appear Don was looking for a little “action.” He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Don told her that he needed to slip […]...
- You can come out now Jon was looking for a little “action”. He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip […]...
- You might be a redneck if 03 You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his […]...
- Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and – barely audibly – inquires, “Tickle your ass with a feather?” The […]...
- Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world Because his son wasn’t the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. “Now you lissen good, Dan’l, ‘cuz here’s whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: […]...
- An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”...
- Some explaining The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, “Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.” A frosty silence prevailed until the […]...
- Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog in the front room. “My God Henry”, she screams, “I know you’ve had other woman but this time you’ve gone too far!” “You may be right” he says, “I think I’m stuck.”...
- Wife comes home to find the old man Wife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room. “My God Henry”, she screams, “I know you’ve had other woman but this time you’ve gone too far!” “You may be right” he says, “I think I’m stuck.”...
- Перевод слова bail Bail – заклад, залог, поручительство Перевод слова Bail above – поручительство за уплату присужденной суммы remand on bail – возвращение на поруки bail surety – поручительство под залог to deny bail – отказать в поручительстве Her brother was out on Bail. Ее брата освободили под залог. There were no grounds to deny Bail. Не было […]...
- Перевод слова walk Walk – идти, ходьба, прогулка пешком Перевод слова To walk along the road – идти по дороге shall we walk it? – пойдем пешком? sharp walk – быстрая ходьба the town is an hour’s walk from us – до города от нас час ходьбы Let’s go for a Walk. Давай прогуляемся. Is it safe to […]...
- Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.” Ford thinks about it and says, “I wanna […]...
- Значение идиомы fall to [fall to] {v.} 1. To begin to work. The boys fell to and quicklycut the grass. Syn.: TURN TO. 2. To begin to fight. They took outtheir swords and fell to. 3. To begin to eat. The hungry boys fellto before everyone sat down. 4. Begin; start. The old friends metand fell to talking about […]...
- Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
- Значение идиомы draw up [draw up] {v.} 1. To write in its correct form; put in writing. The rich man had his lawyers draw up his will so that each of his children would receive part of his money when he died. 2. To plan or prepare; begin to write out. The two countries drew up a peace treaty […]...
- Значение идиомы bad paper [bad paper] {n.}, {slang} 1. A check for which there are no funds in the bank. 2. Counterfeit paper money. Why are you so mad? – I was paid with some bad paper....
- A Purple Heart A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to […]...
- On preparing to return home from an out of town trip On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About […]...
- Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!” The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, ” Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?” […]...
- Значение идиомы go ahead [go ahead] {v.} To begin to do something; not wait. The teachertold the students not to write on the paper yet, but John went aheadand wrote his name. “May I ask you a question?” “Go ahead.” Compare: GO ON....
- The young immigrant couple had just left the The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. “It is wonderful,” the husband exclaimed. “We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?” “Yes, you male chauvinist pig,” his wife replied. “Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on […]...
- A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once […]...