Three guys were sitting in a bar talking

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1. True love Three men were drinking at a bar – a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For her birthday, I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me […]...
2. For their 25th wedding anniversary For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have […]...
3. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and […]...
4. A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. “It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world,” she boasted. “The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.” “What a diamond!” “How lucky you are!” “Wait, wait, nothing […]...
5. There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son’s room and says “Son do you remember that session I arranged for you […]...
6. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called “lady of the night”. She says, “For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.” Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
7. Some people are sitting in a bar Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” Another guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, “What’s that?” […]...
8. Life is cruel What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful […]...
9. A promise to keep “But this isn’t an engagement ring.” the young lady protested. “Why it’s just a tiny unset diamond.” “Yeah! I know.” said the fellow, “And, it’ll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are.”...
10. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
11. Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench. The town flasher comes by and shows them his ALL! The first little old lady had a huge stroke. The second little old lady had a little stroke. The third little old lady would have had a stroke…………….but her arms weren’t quite long enough....
12. Перевод слова diamond Diamond – алмаз, бриллиант Перевод слова Diamond of the first water – бриллиант чистой воды cut diamond – отшлифованный алмаз, бриллиант industrial diamond – промышленный алмаз That’s a whopper of a Diamond ring. Какое громадное бриллиантовое кольцо! There is a microscopic crack in the Diamond. В алмазе есть микроскопические трещины. The ruby was surrounded by […]...
13. An effective contraceptive After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called […]...
14. IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims […]...
15. Marriage quotes 01 Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence – a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s […]...
16. Three mice are sitting in a bar talking Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with […]...
17. Proffessional Acquantance A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, “Well, hello there Doc.” […]...
18. Four married guys go golfing Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second Guy: “That’s nothing, […]...
19. A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.” “She did,” he replied. “But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?”...
20. Get money to heaven A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to […]...
21. Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
22. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, […]...
23. Значение идиомы cast pearls before swine [cast pearls before swine] or [cast one’s pearls before swine] {n. phr.}, {literary} To waste good acts or valuable things on someone who won’t understand or be thankful for them, just as pigs won’t appreciate pearls. – Often used in negative sentences. I won’t waste good advice on John any more because he never listens […]...
24. The wife of an older man is distraught The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, “listen, I don’t do this for […]...
25. Перевод слова anniversary Anniversary – годовщина, юбилей Перевод слова Anniversary present – подарок к юбилею anniversary card – поздравление с юбилеем fifth anniversary – пятилетие She forgot all about their Anniversary. Она совсем забыла о своем юбилее. Her absentminded husband forgot their Anniversary. Ее рассеянный муж забыл об их годовщине....
26. An old man is sitting on the park bench crying An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, “Mister, what’s the problem?” The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, “I’ve got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment […]...
27. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
28. Marriage quotes 08 Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. – Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties […]...
29. A gruesome murder A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?” A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked […]...
30. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written […]...
31. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
32. A young lady walks into a doctors office A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge” The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says “how does that feel?” Young lady, “Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!”...
33. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
34. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
35. Deadly disease “My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,” mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. “No,” says the friend, “people don’t die of syphilis anymore.” The angry biker replies, “They do when they give it to me!”...
36. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He […]...
37. A Marriage Proposal I I have been trying to Get up the nerve to ask my girlfriend to Marry me. We have been dating for almost a year and I think she’s The one. I went shopping for Engagement Rings and really hated the experience. I wasn’t sure what kind of ring she’d like and it took me a […]...
38. Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Rippington, who […]...
39. One day Pete was complaining to his friend One day Pete was complaining to his friend “my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor”. His friend said “Don’t do that. There’s a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It’s quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem […]...
40. The way he died A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]...