This fellow dies and goes to heaven

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1. A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heavenA pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He’s stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: «You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in ... Читать далее...
2. Fidel dies and goes to heavenFidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself ... Читать далее...
3. Henry Ford dies and goes to heavenHenry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, «Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.» Ford thinks about it and says, «I wanna ... Читать далее...
4. A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised whenA fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place. «Well,» said the demon, «the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes ... Читать далее...
5. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
6. Pope DiesPope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова fellowFellow — человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long — не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow — веселый малый fellows at school — товарищи по школе Oh, isn’t he a duck of a Fellow? Не правда ли, он просто прелесть? A tight Fellow! Хороший парень! ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова heavenHeaven — небеса, небо; царство небесное, рай Перевод слова The broad expanse of heaven — широкий свод небес a map of the heavens — карта звездного неба the kingdom of heaven — царство небесное The windows of Heaven opened. Разверзлись хляби небесные. Earth’s loveliness or Heaven’s sublimity. Красота земли или величавость небес. I would move ... Читать далее...
9. Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, «I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a ... Читать далее...
10. Qualifying for HeavenRecently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, «What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They ... Читать далее...
11. Twenty men die and go to heavenTwenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first ... Читать далее...
12. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
13. Pick Heaven or HellOne day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. «Welcome to Heaven,» said St. Peter. «Before you get settled in though, it seems we have ... Читать далее...
14. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...
15. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with himA fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. «Your organ,» she ... Читать далее...
16. Baseball in HeavenTwo buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы seventh heaven[seventh heaven] {n. phr.}, {literary} The pinnacle of happiness. We were in seventh heaven when the helicopter flew us over themagnificent Grand Canyon....
18. Значение идиомы hail-fellow-well-met[hail-fellow-well-met ] {adj. phr.} Talking easily and in afriendly way to everyone you meet. John won the election as classpresident because he was hail-fellow-well-met....
19. Значение идиомы move heaven and earth[move heaven and earth] {v. phr.} To try every way; do everythingyou can. Joe moved heaven and earth to be sent to Washington. Compare: LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED....
20. Значение идиомы fellow traveller[fellow traveller] {n.} A sympathizer with a political movement whodoes not officially belong to the political party in question. ManyGermans after World War II were innocently accused of being fellowtravellers of Nazism. During the McCarthy era, many Americans wereaccused of being Communist fellow travellers....
21. Trust a fellow officerA defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод сленгового выражения stink to high heaven, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: stink to high heaven Перевод: быть отвратительным или быть очень низкого качества Пример: That barnyard stinks to high heaven. Этот скотный двор воняет на несколько километров. Most Sylvester Stallone movies stink to high heaven — they’re just terrible! Большинство фильмов Сильвестра Сталлоне очень низкого качества — они просто ужасные!...
23. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranchCowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. «When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,» Joe began. «You mean the parking lot,» interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. «I walked up the trail to the door,» Joe ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова dumbDumb — немой, бессловесный, глупый Перевод слова Dumb crambo — шарада-пантомима deaf and dumb from birth — глухонемой от рождения dumb brutes — бессловесные твари dumb bunny — глупец, дурак He’s kinda Dumb, isn’t he? Он отчасти глуповат, не так ли? What a Dumb question. Что за тупой вопрос. I was struck Dumb with astonishment ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод идиомы seventh heaven, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: seventh heaven Перевод: седьмое небо; состояние сильного восхищения, удовольствия, наслаждения, и т. п. Пример: The girl has been in seventh heaven since she got the music award. Эта девушка на седьмом небе от счастья с тех пор, как получила музыкальную премию....
26. Пословица / поговорка he who lives by the sword dies by the sword — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: he who lives by the sword dies by the sword Перевод: кто живет с мечом, тот и умрет от меча Пример: The young man was involved in selling illegal drugs and he was found murdered. Sadly, he who lives by the sword dies by the sword. Молодой человек занимался продажей наркотиков, и ... Читать далее...
27. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of HeavenSt. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, «You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.» Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, «St. Peter, I spent ... Читать далее...
28. Entering into HeavenA man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, «Religion?» The man says, «Methodist.» St. Peter looks down his list, and says, «Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.» Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. «Religion?» «Baptist.» «Go to room 18, but be very quiet ... Читать далее...
29. A fellow in a bar notices a womanA fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. «No thank you,» she said politely.» «This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.» «That ... Читать далее...
30. Try to explain womenA man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. «Sure,» GOD says, «Go right ahead». «OK,» the man says. «Why did you make women so pretty?» GOD says, «So you would like them.» «OK,» the guy says. «But how come you ... Читать далее...
31. The Road to HeavenA man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to ... Читать далее...
32. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golfA fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, ... Читать далее...
33. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when heThis fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. «What the hell is your problem?» the lady asked. «I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,» the man moaned. The lady reached ... Читать далее...
34. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely womenA fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through ... Читать далее...
35. Christmas flavorThree men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas ... Читать далее...
36. Marrying and divorcing in HeavenIt seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. ... Читать далее...
37. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
38. Get money to heavenA stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, «You can’t take it with you.» After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to ... Читать далее...
39. A lawyer passed on and found himself in HeavenA lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three ... Читать далее...
40. A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desertA fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle — Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is. Predictably, he’s ... Читать далее...