There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when

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1. A couple of geezers were sittingA couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having a little chat. «How are you, Tom?» asked Marvin. «I’m not feeling well today — utterly exhausted,» Tom replied. «I pulled a muscle and it’s killing me.» «That pulled muscle shouldn’t make you so tired, though.» «Well, it does if you ... Читать далее...
2. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
3. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
4. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...
5. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
6. One night, as a couple lay down for bedThis joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, «I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.» The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to ... Читать далее...
7. A couple have not been getting along for yearsA couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, «I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.» Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, «Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?» ... Читать далее...
8. A couple came upon a wishing wellA couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, «It really works!»...
9. This man was sitting quietly reading his paperThis man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: «What was that for?» Wife: «What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written ... Читать далее...
10. Three mice are sitting in a bar talkingThree mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, «I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.» And with ... Читать далее...
11. The couple was dining out when the wife noticedThe couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. «Elliot,» she said, pointing «do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?» The husband looked over and nodded. «Well,» the woman continued, «he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!» The husband returned ... Читать далее...
12. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...
13. The young immigrant couple had just left theThe young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. «It is wonderful,» the husband exclaimed. «We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?» «Yes, you male chauvinist pig,» his wife replied. «Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод сленгового выражения excuse my French / pardon my French, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: excuse my French / pardon my French Перевод: простите мой французский; фраза, используемая говорящим, когда тот употребляет ругательства, ненормативную лексику, и извиняется за это Пример: Excuse my French. I’ve had a really bad day. Прошу прощения за свой французский. У меня был очень плохой день....
15. Перевод идиомы the birds and the bees, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the birds and the bees Перевод: «пестики и тычинки», способ говорить об отношениях полов в образовательных целях Пример: The father tried to tell his son about the birds and the bees. Отец пытался рассказать своему сыну о пестиках и тычинках....
16. Someone really stinksA young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s ... Читать далее...
17. There was an old married couple that had happilyThere was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she ... Читать далее...
18. Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girlSarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. «Mommy,» she said, «I’d like you to answer one question.» «Very good,» replied her mother, «I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees.» «It’s not that,» said the girl. «I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how ... Читать далее...
19. This rich couple were going out for the eveningThis rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the ... Читать далее...
20. Man Memorizes French Dictionary to Win French Scrabble Tournament, Does Not Speak FrenchNigel Richards is very good at Scrabble. He’s thought of as possibly the best English-speaking Scrabble player in the world (he’s won the USA National Scrabble Championship five times and the World Championship three times), but he also recently won the French Scrabble Championship, which might compound his title. Richards, who lives in Malaysia, did ... Читать далее...
21. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have childrenAfter a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. «Don’t worry,» he said, «Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.» So he went home feeling ... Читать далее...
22. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
23. A couple gets married, and thirty years later they’reA couple gets married, and thirty years later they’re in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, «What’s the matter?» He says, «Thirty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat it. Now it ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы birds and the bees[birds and the bees ] {n. phr.}, {informal} The facts we should know about our birth. At various ages, in response to questions, a child can be told about the birds and the bees....
25. Перевод слова FrenchFrench — французский, французский язык Перевод слова French art — французское искусство French politeness — французская вежливость to speak French — говорить по-французски Natives of Quebec speak Canadian French. Уроженцы Квебека говорят на канадском французском. I love French food Я люблю французскую кухню. Can you read French? Ты умеешь читать по-французски? Интересные факты В переносном ... Читать далее...
26. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the verandaTwo elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, «Darling, do you remember the minuet?» The other replies, «Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!»...
27. French hornQ: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
28. Some people are sitting in a barSome people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, «My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.» Another guy says, «What’s that?» The first guy says, «That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.» Another one says, «My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, «What’s that?» ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
30. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
31. Sad revelationsA father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. «I don’t want to know!» the child said, bursting into tears. «Promise me you won’t tell me.» Confused, the father asked what was wrong. «Oh dad,» the boy sobbed, «when I was 6 I got the there’s no ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова coupleCouple — пара, два, двое Перевод слова A couple of apples — два яблока in a couple of days — через два-три дня loving couple — любящая пара «Are they a Couple?»No, they are just good friends.» «Они пара?»Нет, они просто хорошие друзья.» They’re an odd Couple. Они странная парочка. We spent a Couple of ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы French fried potato[French fried potato] or [French fry] {n.} A narrow strip of potatofried in deep fat. — Usually used in the plural. Sue ordered ahamburger and french fries....
34. Значение идиомы sitting pretty[sitting pretty] {adj.}, {slang} To be in a lucky position. Thenew library is sitting pretty because a wealthy woman gave it $10,000worth of reference books. Mr. Jones was sitting pretty until his$25,000-a-year job was dropped by the company....
35. Two confirmed bachelors sat talkingTwo confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. «I got a cookbook once,» said the first, «but I could never do anything with it.» «Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?» asked the second. «You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way — ‘Take a clean dish ... Читать далее...
36. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
37. A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adoptA couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each ... Читать далее...
38. A couple married forty years were revisiting theA couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, «Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.» The guy stopped the car. His ... Читать далее...
39. An old retired man goes to his wife one dayAn old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, «I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.» The wife says, «No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.» Husband replies, «Our savings are all gone and you ... Читать далее...
40. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...