Their true intention

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1. A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a showerA little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower. It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says….. «Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?» The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. ... Читать далее...
2. A ventriloquist was driving in the countryA ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the ... Читать далее...
3. Значение идиомы fancy pants[fancy pants] {n.}, {slang} A man or boy who wears clothes that aretoo nice or acts like a woman or girl; sissy. The first time theysaw him in his new band uniform, they yelled «Hey, fancy pants, whatare you doing in your sister’s slacks?»...
4. England JokesQ: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
5. True loveThree men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, «For her birthday, I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me ... Читать далее...
6. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...
7. A Birthday PartyMy sister called me at the Last minute to help her with my nephew’s birthday party. She was feeling really sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d never given a children’s party before, but how hard could it be? Well, I found out. First, I had to go to the Party supply store To ... Читать далее...
8. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы pants[pants] See: ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS, CATCH ONE WITH ONE’S PANTS DOWN, FANCY PANTS, FLY BY THE SEAT OF ONE’S PANTS, GET THE LEAD OUT OF ONE’spanTS, KICK IN THE PANTS, WEAR THE TROUSERS or WEAR THE PANTS....
10. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
11. Your father is drunkTo The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and ... Читать далее...
12. Larry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, calledLarry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company… Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one ... Читать далее...
13. Little Lucy was playing in the garden when sheLittle Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. «Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?» «They’re mating, Lucy» he replied. «What do you call the spider on top Daddy?» Lucy asked. «Oh, that’s a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, «Oh, so one’s a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы big daddy[big daddy] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} The most important, largest thing, person or animal in a congregation of similar persons, animals, or objects. The whale is the big daddy of everything that swims in the ocean. The H-bomb is the big daddy of all modern weapons. Al Capone was the big daddy of organized crime in ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод идиомы tried and true / tried-and-true, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: tried and true / tried-and-true Перевод: проверенный временем, испытанный временем Пример: I know a tried-and-true method to remove stains from a carpet. Я знаю проверенный временем метод удаления пятен с ковра....
16. Перевод идиомы true to form / true to type, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: true to form / true to type Перевод: как всегда, как обычно, как ожидается; по образцу Пример: True to form, our teacher refused to accept our papers late. Как и ожидалось, наш учитель отказался принимать работы с опозданием....
17. Перевод сленгового выражения sugar daddy, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: sugar daddy Сленговое выражение: sugar daddy груб. Перевод: мужчина (или женщина), который дает, дарит женщине (или мужчине) дорогие подарки, деньги, и т. п., такие мужчина и женщина обычно состоят в романтических отношениях Синоним: sugar mama Пример: My sugar daddy bought me a new car! Мой любимый купил мне новую машину!...
18. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод сленгового выражения piss off, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: piss off Сленговое выражение: piss off Груб. Перевод: уходить, убираться, проваливать Пример: Piss off and stop bothering me! Проваливай, хватит мне мешать!...
20. Фразовый глагол take back (2) — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: take back (2) Перевод: вернуть что-либо купленное обратно в магазин Пример: The dress my grandmother bought for me didn’t fit, so I took it back and exchanged it for a pair of pants. Платье, которое мне купила бабушка мне не подошло, поэтому я отнесла его обратно и обменяла его на брюки....
21. Changed HR policiesCasual Fridays: Week 1 — Memo No. 1 Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 — Memo No. 2 Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles ... Читать далее...
22. A sailor and a marine are taking a pissA sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The sailor says: yeah well, in ... Читать далее...
23. One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy’s carOne day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy’s car in the girl’s driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand. She froze, jumped up and said, «I’ve got two words for you, DROP DEAD!» Then ... Читать далее...
24. True stupid stories 02Saddam Hussein’s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK’d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary ... Читать далее...
25. The real treasureAn 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, «See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a ... Читать далее...
26. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, «You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman ... Читать далее...
27. A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and saysA guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, «Would you like to dance?» The girl says, «I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.» The guy says, «I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.»...
28. GIRL’S CONFESSIONGIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. «So me and my cousin were alone in the house,» she continued, «and went up to my bedroom…» «Go on, my child,» said the priest gently. «I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on ... Читать далее...
29. TarantinoThis guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says» Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.» The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……»You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 ... Читать далее...
30. Arkansas Governor ApplicationFirst name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________ Address (where you live): Mother’s name(list also relation, i. e., sister):__________________ Birthdate(yours):____________________ Father’s name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________ Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( ) Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ... Читать далее...
31. Перевод идиомы come true, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: come true Перевод: осуществиться, произойти на самом деле Пример: The young girl is working hard to make her dreams come true. Молодая девушка очень старается реализовать свои мечты....
32. Упражнения «Неопределенный артикль» (с ответами)1. Поставьте неопределенный артикль там, где необходимо. Diana went up to young girl and asked: “Is there Italian restaurant near here?” She thought for moment and said: “Yes, there is one. Just go straight ahead 200 metres. You’ll see it in old building, opposite Chinese restaurant.” Diana went inside and saw man playing the piano. ... Читать далее...
33. Doing the right thingSon : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mum : Well, you have done the right thing. Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap....
34. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
35. Daddy is going to warThe following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred during the war. During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. «No, ... Читать далее...
36. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова intentionIntention — намерение, умысел, стремление Перевод слова Execution of intention — осуществление намерения against smb.’s intentions — вопреки чьим-л. намерениям whatever his intentions — каковы бы ни были его намерения He has no Intention of leaving the political stage. У него нет никаких намерений покидать политическую сцену. His Intention and execution are not very near ... Читать далее...
38. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
39. Some things never changeI guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn. She said, «Well… the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week.» I told her I’d give her that much with ... Читать далее...
40. Three altar boys are standing in the snow withThree altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, «Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.» The tallest altar boy turns around and ... Читать далее...