The meaning of life

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1. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
2. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
3. A fortunate twist of fate Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. “How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers. “It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied. “I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your […]...
4. Charged for speeding A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away […]...
5. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
6. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
7. Перевод слова gamble Gamble – играть в азартные игры; авантюра Перевод слова It was pure gamble but we agreed – мы согласились, хотя это была чистая авантюра I never gamble – я никогда не играю на деньги to gamble deep – вести крупную игру Jack loves Gambling on the horses. Джек любит делать ставки на лошадей. He’s been […]...
8. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
9. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
10. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
11. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
12. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
13. The way he died A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]...
14. Constipation problem Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half – hour in the morning […]...
15. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
16. An infamous stud with a long list of conquests An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. “I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop […]...
17. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
18. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied […]...
19. Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
20. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone […]...
21. Baby bear wants to live somewhere else The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of […]...
22. New person in prison A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the […]...
23. Best kind of sex A man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best. He Replied, ” Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them.”...
24. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d […]...
25. An Other one Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s […]...
26. Better relationship A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the docotor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” […]...
27. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
28. Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
29. During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. “Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of you.” “All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.” In a few moments, her voice rang out […]...
30. At the Doctors At the Doctor’s… – A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” said the doctor. – The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” – Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That […]...
31. Collection 02 Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how […]...
32. The general went to the doctor for a physical The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions – age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I […]...
33. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
34. Marrying and divorcing in Heaven It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. […]...
35. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...
36. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
37. Scared sleeping Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two […]...
38. Перевод слова fool Fool – дурак; дурачиться, баловаться Перевод слова Arrant fool – набитый дурак he is no fool – он вовсе не дурак to fool away time – бесцельно тратить время Don’t behave like a Fool. Не веди себя как дурак. Stop acting a Fool. Перестань строить из себя шута. I was a Fool to trust him. […]...
39. Перевод слова hundred Hundred – сто, сотня Перевод слова Hundreds of people – сотни людей to sell by the hundred – продавать сотнями to have hundreds in the bank – иметь сотни в банке to live to be a hundred – дожить до ста лет He gains a Hundred a year. Он зарабатывает сотню в год. I swim […]...
40. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife […]...