The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own

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1. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […]...
2. The subway car was packed The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about miss – that’s just my […]...
3. Пословица / поговорка still waters run deep / still waters have deep bottoms – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: still waters run deep / still waters have deep bottoms Перевод: тихие воды глубоки Эквивалент в русском языке: в тихом омуте черти водятся Пример: The salesman was very quiet but still waters run deep and away from work he was the most knowledgeable and emotional person that you could meet. Этот продавец […]...
4. A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. “Listen to the sound of my voice…”, he kept repeating, “the sound of my voice… every word is a command… the sound of my voice…” Pretty soon, […]...
5. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
6. When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, “I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There’s only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of […]...
7. A woman and her lover are on the bed A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. “Oh, no, it’s my husband!” The man says, “Where’s your back door?” “We don’t have a back door” says the woman. The man then asks, “Well, where do you […]...
8. Пословица / поговорка beauty is only skin deep / beauty is but skin deep – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: beauty is only skin deep / beauty is but skin deep Перевод: красота обманчива; нельзя судить по наружности Эквивалент в русском языке: не с лица воду пить Пример: The woman is not beautiful but beauty is only skin deep and her personality is wonderful. Эта женщина не очень красивая, но нельзя судить […]...
9. Mrs. Prussy The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little […]...
10. Значение идиомы still waters run deep [still waters run deep] Quiet people probably are profoundthinkers. – A proverb. He doesn’t say much, but he sure lookssmart. Well, still waters run deep, isn’t that true?...
11. A push A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to […]...
12. Preparing a Paper Student: I wonder if I could ask you some questions about our paper, professor. Do you want us to Cite our Sources in the Footnotes? Professor: You should use Endnotes for longer explanations. Otherwise, just follow the Style sheet I passed out for Citations in your paper. Student: I see. And what about the Cover […]...
13. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
14. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
15. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
16. A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. “Don’t know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview […]...
17. Groundhog Day “I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for […]...
18. Wanting Peace and Quiet After three days of travel and meetings, I returned to my hotel room ready for some Downtime. All I wanted was some Peace and quiet so I could get a Good night’s sleep. … [phone rings] Carl: Hello. Hotel staff: Hello, Mr. Mendez. I’m calling to welcome you to our hotel. I hope you’re finding […]...
19. Пословица / поговорка between the devil and the deep sea / between the devil and the deep blue sea – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: between the devil and the deep sea / between the devil and the deep blue sea Перевод: между дьяволом и морской пучиной (т. е. в безвыходном положении) Эквивалент в русском языке: между двух огней; между молотом и наковальней Пример: We are between the devil and the deep blue sea. If we increase […]...
20. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, […]...
21. Important thoughts *Question: What is one horsepower? *Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. *You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind. *Talc is found on […]...
22. Serious desease A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This […]...
23. Перевод слова quiet Quiet – тихий, бесшумный, спокойный, мирный Перевод слова Quiet wind – тихий ветер quiet footsteps – бесшумные шаги quiet sleep – безмятежный сон quiet conscience – чистая совесть Please be Quiet! Потише, пожалуйста! We were enjoying the Quiet of the forest. Мы наслаждались тишиной леса. He led a Quiet life. Он вел тихую жизнь....
24. The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad to hear that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown, not Mrs.” “Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have some bad […]...
25. Good fortune A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG! He looks around: nobody’s there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG! So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest […]...
26. A woman visits her physician A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: “Well, what can I do for you madam?”. The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: “You can discuss any matter with […]...
27. Перевод слова deep Deep – глубокий Перевод слова Deep wrinkles – глубокие морщины deep grass – высокая трава deep bow – глубокий поклон I am Deep in debt. Я по уши в долгах. He has a Deep voice. У него низкий голос. The well was forty feet Deep. Глубина колодца составляла 40 футов. Интересные факты Deep Purple – […]...
28. Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her […]...
29. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
30. In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was […]...
31. The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown,” he said, “I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,” “Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have bad news for you.”...
32. Launch the missiles It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United […]...
33. Значение идиомы quarterback sneak [quarterback sneak] {n.} A football play in which the quarterbacktakes the ball from the center and dives straight ahead in an attemptto gain a very short distance. Johnson took the ball over on aquarterback sneak for a touchdown....
34. Obey the speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are […]...
35. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff […]...
36. Перевод слова minute Minute – минута; мелкий Перевод слова Minute hand – минутная стрелка in a minute – скоро, прямо сейчас to measure very minute changes of temperature – измерять малейшие изменения температуры minute particles of dust – мельчайшие частицы пыли I’ll be back in a Minute. Я вернусь через минуту. Hey, wait a Minute! Эй, подождите минутку! […]...
37. A man moves into a nudist colony A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he […]...
38. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
39. Перевод слова student Student – студент, курсант Перевод слова Student-curated exhibition – выставка, организованная студентами student demonstration – студенческая демонстрация student driver – лицо, обучающееся вождению She was an average Student. Она была обычной студенткой. Assign each Student a partner. Назначьте каждому студенту напарника. He is a Student of the occult. Он изучает оккультизм....
40. Leonardo DiCaprio Is Building a Resort on His Private Island Ten years ago, Leonardo DiCaprio ascended to the Marlon Brando Tier of Movie Stardom with the purchase of his very own island. Along with a business partner, the Oscar-nominated actor bought Blackadore Caye, a 104-acre unpopulated island off the coast of Belize. And now, DiCaprio has unveiled plans to build a luxury, eco-friendly resort there […]...