The Frenchman and the Italian

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1. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored […]...
2. Перевод слова Italian Italian – итальянский; итальянец, итальянка Перевод слова Appetence for the Italian art – приверженность итальянскому искусству Italian roof – архит. покатая крыша the Italians – итальянцы He prefers shoes of Italian derivation. Он предпочитает туфли итальянского производства. Miss pronounces Italian very Americanly. Мисс произносит итальянские слова слишком по-американски. It is his Italian accent that distinguishes […]...
3. A rural Frenchman was on trial A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, “Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?”...
4. Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each […]...
5. An old italian couple is walking around in the mall An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: “Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He’s got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?” The saleswoman answers that she hasn’t seen her […]...
6. Перевод слова path Path – тропа, путь, маршрут Перевод слова To describe path – двигаться по траектории to deviate from the path – свернуть с тропы, пути a path through the woods – лесная тропинка The Path leads down to the river. Тропинка ведет к реке. The Path was clear. Дорога была свободна. He fell over a rock […]...
7. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said “Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.” The Italian said “That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with […]...
8. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, “I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.” That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, “I’ve never seen anything like that. […]...
9. A bus stops and two Italian men get on A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two […]...
10. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”...
11. Italian teenagers get €500 ‘culture bonus’ From November 3rd, every Italian teen celebrating their 18th birthday before December 31st 2016 can claim €500 from the government, to spend on cultural items. Every Italian resident from the class of 1998 – a total of 574,000 – can claim their ‘culture bonus’, which they can use to buy books, concert tickets, theatre tickets, […]...
12. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
13. The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. “Colonel!” he spat out. “Yes, general!” the colonel quavered. “Your troops, your troops,” stormed the general. “They look very nice, they stand […]...
14. Two Italian construction workers Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other “hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?” pointing to the supervisor. The other says, “I don’t know, go ask him.” So Guido goes up to the […]...
15. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
16. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
17. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
18. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
19. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
20. Two Tourists Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would […]...
21. Значение идиомы crow before one is out of the woods [crow before one is out of the woods] {v. phr.} To be glad or brag before you are safe from danger or trouble. – Usually used in negative sentences, often as a proverb, “Don’t crow before you are out of the woods.” John thought his team would win because the game was almost over, but […]...
22. Two guys go hunting Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe […]...
23. Commiting suicide A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, “You put it around your neck!” The […]...
24. Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital. “Well, Doc,” he inquired anxiously, “is he going to make it?” “It’s tough,” said the doctor. “He’d […]...
25. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the […]...
26. Who invented sex A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon” The Italian says, “We have the Colosseum” The Greek says “We had great Mathematicians” The Italian says “We had the Roman Empire” …and so on and so on and then the Greek says: […]...
27. Rabbi’s anniversary present A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there’s a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the president of the […]...
28. Two blondes were walking through the woods Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said “These look like deer tracks.” The other said, “No, they look like moose tracks.” They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them....
29. An easy solution On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]...
30. Значение идиомы take to the woods [take to the woods] {v. phr.}, {informal} To run away and hide. When John saw the girls coming, he took to the woods. Bob took tothe woods so he would not have to mow the grass. Compare: HEAD FORTHE HILLS....
31. Значение идиомы girl friend [girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
32. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
33. Mary was having an affair during the day while Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked […]...
34. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
35. Перевод идиомы out of the woods, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: out of the woods Идиома: out of the woods разг. Перевод: выйти из трудной ситуации, из затруднительного положения Пример: It is true that the economy is getting stronger, but we are not out of the woods yet. Экономика, действительно, улучшается, но трудности еще не закончились....
36. Jump out of the plane An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one […]...
37. Значение идиомы neck of the woods [neck of the woods] {n. phr.}, {informal} Part of the country;place; neighborhood; vicinity. We visited Illinois and Iowa lastsummer; in that neck of the woods the corn really grows tall. Wewere down in your neck of the woods last week....
38. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Blonde#1: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!...
39. Перевод слова lip Lip – губа Перевод слова To curl one’s lip – презрительно кривить губы to bite one’s lips – кусать губы (от волнения или стараясь удержать смех) upper lip – верхняя губа to read lip movements – читать по губам Not a word has passed his Lips. Он не проронил ни слова. She died with a […]...
40. Значение идиомы happy hunting ground [happy hunting ground] {n. phr.} 1. The place where, in AmericanIndian belief, a person goes after death; heaven. The Indiansbelieved that at death they went to the happy hunting ground. 2.{informal} A place or area where you can find a rich variety of whatyou want, and plenty of it. The forest is a happy hunting […]...