Stay over one night

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1. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
2. Getting in an accidentA Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, «So you’re a ... Читать далее...
3. Clean St. Patrick’s Day JokesAn Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, «Oy vey! What a wreck!» The priest asks him, «Are you all right, Rabbi?» The Rabbi responds, «Just a little shaken.» The priest pulls a ... Читать далее...
4. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
5. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
6. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theTwo priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god ... Читать далее...
7. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
8. Sex on SabbathA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, «My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex ... Читать далее...
9. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sinA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, » My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that ... Читать далее...
10. Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, whenRabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around = the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the = Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his = stomach, then each shoulder. As Father ... Читать далее...
11. A priest and a lawyer are walking downA priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, «How’d you like to fuck that?» To which the lawyer replied, «Out of what?»...
12. Reasons to stay at work all night1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to «chrysanthemum». 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw ... Читать далее...
13. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
14. Man goes to see the RabbiMan goes to see the Rabbi. «Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.» The Rabbi asked, «What’s wrong?» The man replied, «My wife is poisoning me.» The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, «How can that be?» The man then pleads, «I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning ... Читать далее...
15. It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agencyIt seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through ... Читать далее...
16. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
17. Majority rulesSo it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual «3 to 1, majority rules» statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. «Oh, God!» he cried. ... Читать далее...
18. Question and answerQ: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: ... Читать далее...
19. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
20. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы door[door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, ... Читать далее...
22. Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothelTwo Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. «Ah, will you look at that?» One ditch digger said. «What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?» A short time later, ... Читать далее...
23. A ventriloquist was driving in the countryA ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the ... Читать далее...
24. A man is driving down the road for a long period of timeA man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,»Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. ... Читать далее...
25. Six people were on a planeSix people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, » Save the children» The lawyer yells out «FUCK THE CHILDREN!» The priest yells out » ... Читать далее...
26. Barber gives free cutsA barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, «you do God’s work.» The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы lock the barn door after the horse is stolen[lock the barn door after the horse is stolen] To be careful or tryto make something safe when it is too late. — A proverb. After Maryfailed the examination, she said she would study hard after that. Shewanted to lock the barn door after the horse was stolen....
28. Перевод слова knockKnock — стук, удар; бить, вбивать Перевод слова To knock at the door — постучаться to knock out an electron — выбивать электрон to knock down a hurdle — сбить препятствие to knock a nail in — вбить гвоздь Knock on the door before you enter the room. Стучите в дверь, прежде чем войти в ... Читать далее...
29. Try to get some restA man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on ... Читать далее...
30. Lawyers are greedyA lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. «Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!», he whined. «You lawyers are so ... Читать далее...
31. Amusing Humor about the IrishO’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next ... Читать далее...
32. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain roadA man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, «Pig!» The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, «Bitch!» They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next ... Читать далее...
33. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
34. A pious man who had reached the age of 105A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, «How come after all these years we don’t see you at ... Читать далее...
35. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова possiblyPossibly — возможно, вероятно Перевод слова He may possibly recover — он, возможно, поправится as soon as I possibly can — как только я смогу possibly best — возможно лучший He will do everything he Possibly can to aid you. Он сделает все, что может, чтобы помочь вам. We could Possibly get some money, if ... Читать далее...
37. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
38. Rabbi’s anniversary presentA Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there’s a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, «Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the president of the ... Читать далее...
39. An old rabbi is talking with one of his friendsAn old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, «I gladdened seven hearts today.» «Seven hearts?» asks the friend. «How did you do that?» The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, «I performed three marriages.» The friend looks at him quizically. «Seven?» he asks. «I could understand six, ... Читать далее...
40. Knock Knock ChristmasKnock Knock Who’s there? Wenceslas Wenceslas who? Wenceslas train home? Knock Knock Who’s there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Knock Knock Who’s there? Wayne Wayne who? Wayne in a manger… ! Knock Knock Who’s there? Donut Donut who? Donut open till Christmas! Knock Knock Who’s there? Oakham Oakham who? Oakham all ye ... Читать далее...