Southerners are not that stupid

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1. Перевод слова stupidStupid — глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder — глупая ошибка stupid jackass — тупой осел plumb stupid — абсолютно тупой He understands — he’s not Stupid. Он понимает — он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми ... Читать далее...
2. Humor about LeprechaunsAn aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, «For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!!!!» At ... Читать далее...
3. The Microsoft waiterPatron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it ... Читать далее...
4. Quotes from stupid 03These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: «Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy.» Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: «There’s nothing athletes like — or indeed hate — more than hanging around like this.» — David Coleman, BBC 1 TV «Not being in ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы off the wall[off the wall] {adj. phr.} Strange; out of the ordinary; stupid. He has been making off-the-wall remarks all day; something must hethe matter with him....
6. True stupid stories 01Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to ... Читать далее...
7. A ventriloquist was driving in the countryA ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the ... Читать далее...
8. The stupid questionsThe below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова patronPatron — патрон, покровитель, шеф; постоянный клиент Перевод слова Patron of the arts — покровитель искусств, меценат known as a patron of arts — известный как покровитель искусств architectural patron — покровитель архитектуры patron card — карта постоянного клиента The car park is for the use of Patrons only. Стоянка только для гостей. Patrons receive ... Читать далее...
10. Stupid people storiesIDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was ... Читать далее...
11. Stupid people stories 02Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the ... Читать далее...
12. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова smartSmart — сообразительный, толковый; сильный, значительный Перевод слова A smart few — довольно большое число smart punishment — суровое наказание smart person — умный человек You’re looking very Smart. Вы выглядите очень умным. She was Smart to refuse. У нее хватило ума отказать. Poodles are said to be Smart dogs. Как говорят, пудели — умные ... Читать далее...
14. Stupid people awards 01The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin «Natural Selection» Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly ... Читать далее...
15. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
16. Stupid people awardsIt is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mervcury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to ... Читать далее...
17. Truly stupid people 02Top honors for «Human Projectile of the Month» go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual «Darwin Award». That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers ... Читать далее...
18. Six people were on a planeSix people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, » Save the children» The lawyer yells out «FUCK THE CHILDREN!» The priest yells out » ... Читать далее...
19. Dumb intercourse«Information. Can I help you?» «I’d like the number of the Theater Guild, please.» «One moment, please.» Pause. «I’m sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.» «No, no. It isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s Theater Guild.» «I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.» «Not *Theodore*! ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы stand for[stand for] {v.} 1. To be a sign of; make you think of; mean. The letters «U. S. A.» stand for «United States of America.» Thewritten sign «=» in an arithmetic problem stands for «equals.» Ourflag stands for our country. The owl stands for wisdom. 2. Tospeak in favor of something, or show that you ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова stageStage — стадия, этап; сцена Перевод слова Up stage — задняя часть сцены stage of development — стадия развития in the experimental stage — на этапе испытаний Negotiations reached a crucial Stage. Переговоры достигли решающей стадии. All the world’s a Stage. Весь мир — театр. The theatre has a revolving Stage. У театра есть вращающаяся ... Читать далее...
22. Very stupid musicianAugust, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which ... Читать далее...
23. Early withdrawalsThe husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, «It’s my turn.» «What do you mean, your turn?» yelled the husband. «In bed,» she explained, «you’ve been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it’s my turn.»...
24. Значение идиомы little theater[little theater] {n.} A theater, usually with nonprofessionalactors and actresses, which presents plays more for personal pleasureand practice than for profit. Little theater groups are active inall parts of the United States. Many famous actors began in littletheaters....
25. Showing Respect and DisrespectKadir: Stop that! Stop Snickering! Gabriel Voltaire is an author of great Acclaim. You should show a little Reverence. Melissa: Yes, but he seems to have a bad case of stage fright. I know it’s an Honor to hear him speak, but it’s hard to show reverence when the man is Sweating like a pig! ... Читать далее...
26. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
27. Looking for a monkey wrenchAn old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. «Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench.» He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы show one’s face[show one’s face] {v. phr.} To be seen; appear. Bill is afraidto show his face since Tom threatened to beat him up. Judy is awonderful mimic but she is too shy to show her face on stage. After cheating on the test, Chris was ashamed to show his face....
29. Marriage quotes 14This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that ... Читать далее...
30. Movie theater popcorn costs more than fillet mignonMovie theater popcorn apparently costs more per ounce than fillet mignon. You’re probably aware that if you go to the movies these days, you should probably show up well fed. Concession stand snacks and drinks are downright expensive, and if you see a lot of movies, you’ve probably considered sneaking your own into the theater. ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы toss off[toss off] {v. phr.} 1. To drink rapidly; drain. He tossed offtwo drinks and left. 2. To make or say easily without trying orthinking hard. She tossed off smart remarks all during dinner. He thinks a reporter should be able to toss off an article every fewhours....
32. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
33. A bartender was getting ready to close for the nightA bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, «This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!» The scared bartender pleads, «Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!» The robber yells, «Shut ... Читать далее...
34. True stupid stories 02Saddam Hussein’s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK’d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary ... Читать далее...
35. HappensFor all of you out there who’ve had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It’s a classic! In tribute to those ‘special’ customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова southSouth — юг, южный Перевод слова In the south — на юге towards the south — к югу to ship goods to South Africa — перевозить товары в Южную Африку Turn South onto Elm Street. Поверните на юг, на улицу Вязов. Most of the birds had already flown South. Большинство птиц уже улетело на юг. ... Читать далее...
37. I am looking for a job as a consultantJob Applicant: «I’m looking for a job as a consultant.» Employer: «I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.» Applicant: «That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.» Employer: «More than we can use already.» Applicant: As he is getting desperate, «I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk, If you ... Читать далее...
38. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, «I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a ... Читать далее...
39. The Colonel’s OrderA COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS: «Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley’s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы at — stage of the game[at — stage of the game] {adv. phr.} At time during an activity; at point. At that stage of the game, our team was doing so poorly that we were ready to give up. It’s hard to know what will happen at this stage of the game. At what stage of the game did the ... Читать далее...