Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at

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1. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
2. Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. “Sure you can, Mickey,” Charlie said, “Just flap your arms really *really* hard.” So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother […]...
3. A man was playing a game of golf A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says “thank […]...
4. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. […]...
5. A guy walks into an elevator and stands next A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” “Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”...
6. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
7. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe […]...
8. So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite, he was really having a difficult time. The kite was swinging wildly, not exactly what you’d describe as stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door and says, “Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail.” Ralph replies “Make up […]...
9. Значение идиомы crack a smile [crack a smile] {v. phr.}, {informal} To let a smile show on one’s face; permit a smile to appear. Bob told the whole silly story without even cracking a smile. Scrooge was a gloomy man, who never cracked a smile. When we gave the shy little boy an ice cream cone, he finally cracked a […]...
10. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
11. Charlie Sheen Once Bought 2,600+ Outfield Seats At An Angels’ Game Because He Wanted To Catch A Home Run Ball Charlie Sheen has been making a bit of news this week with outlandish comments on TV and radio appearances, but his bizarre behavior is nothing new. In 1996, Sports Illustrated included a blurb in its “Scorecard” section that described Sheen’s trip to a California Angels game. Apparently, Sheen was determined to catch a home run […]...
12. Перевод слова rough Rough – неровный, шершавый; грубый; необработанный Перевод слова Rough road – ухабистая дорога rough paper – шероховатая бумага rough food – грубая пища rough leather – невыделанная кожа rough manners – грубые манеры, неотесанность a rough temper – жесткий характер Her hands felt Rough. Ее руки были шершавые. He is Rough to deal with. С […]...
13. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. “I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached […]...
14. Picking up a Rental Car Ralph: I have a Reservation for a car. Clerk: What is the last name on the reservation? Ralph: It’s Furcal. Clerk: Just one moment. I have a reservation for Ralph Furcal, picking up today and returning on the 19th. Ralph: Yes, that’s right. I reserved an Economy car. Clerk: We do have an economy car […]...
15. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
16. Значение идиомы in one’s face [in one’s face] {adv. phr.} 1. Against your face. The trickcigar blew up in the clown’s face. A cold wind was in our faces aswe walked to school. 2. In front of you. The maid slammed the doorin the salesman’s face. I told the boys that they were wrong, butthey laughed in my face. Compare: […]...
17. Перевод слова butter Butter – масло Перевод слова Salted butter – соленое масло whipped butter – сбитое масло to fry in butter – жарить на масле The Butter had a twang. Масло имело неприятный привкус. Butter will enrich the sauce. Масло улучшит вкус соуса. Vitamin D is found in Butter. Витамин D содержится в сливочном масле....
18. One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked. Mongo replies, “My goldfish died and I’m burying him.” “That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?” asked the neighbor. Mongo shot back, “That’s because he’s inside your fuckin’ cat!’...
19. An elderly couple in a senior home An elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. “What’s she got that I […]...
20. A difficult golf game Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long?” The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.” […]...
21. Eating Genetically Modified Foods Ralph: What’s that? Nicky: It’s a bigger and better tomato. It’s been Genetically modified. Ralph: You’re not going to eat that, are you? Nicky: Of course I am. I’m making a salad. Want one? Ralph: No way. I don’t want to eat something that’s been Genetically engineered in a Laboratory. Who knows what kind of […]...
22. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
23. Перевод слова smell Smell – обоняние, запах; нюхать, пахнуть Перевод слова Fine sense of smell – тонкое обоняние, тонкий нюх sweet smell – аромат, благоухание what a smell! – какая вонь! the dog smelt at my shoes – собака обнюхала мои башмаки to smell of paint – пахнуть краской Dogs have a very good sense of Smell. У […]...
24. A hundred dollars A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. “Out drinking again!?” she says. “How much money did you spend this time?” “$100,” answers the man. “$100!” she shouts. “That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!” “Easy for you […]...
25. Mary was having an affair during the day while Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked […]...
26. Emerson Ralph Waldo – Ральф Уолдо Эмерсон Though Ralph Waldo Emerson’s origins were promising, his path to eminence was by no means easy. He was born in Boston on May 25, 1803, of a fairly well-known New England family. His father was a prominent Boston minister. However, young Emerson was only 8 when his father died and left the family to face […]...
27. Small World Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man […]...
28. Перевод слова smile Smile – улыбка, улыбаться, одобрять Перевод слова To force a smile – выжать из себя улыбку to smile ironically – улыбаться иронически fortune smiles upon us – нам улыбается судьба She Smiled her thanks. Она благодарно улыбнулась. A Smile lit her face. Улыбка оживила ее лицо. The authorities Smiled on the project. Власти одобрили проект. […]...
29. An Exclusive Guest List Catherine: Do you have a Draft of the Guest list? We need to get the Invitations out next week. Ralph: It’s not quite done yet. I keep Going back and forth about a few people I’m not sure about, like Lacy Say. Catherine: Lacy Say? She’s a Has-been. She hasn’t been in a movie for […]...
30. Значение идиомы straight face [straight face] {n.} A face that is not laughing or smiling. Mary told all the funny stories she knew to try to make Joan laugh, but Joan kept a straight face. It is hard to tell when Jim isteasing you. He can tell a fib with a straight face. When Bob fellinto the water, he […]...
31. The difference The boy asks his dad: “What’s the difference between a ‘cunt’ and a ‘pussy’?” The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a crotch and says: “Everything inside the circle is a ‘pussy’, everything outside the circle is a ‘cunt'”...
32. Bad Pickup Lines My friend and I were at a restaurant waiting for our Dates to arrive. We sat at the bar and tried to Get The Bartender’s Attention to order a couple of drinks. My friend, Tanya, is very pretty. She is always being Hit on By men. So, It was no surprise that Five minutes after […]...
33. Значение идиомы rough-and-tumble [rough-and-tumble] 1. {n.} Very rough, hard fighting or arguingthat does not follow any rules. There was a rough-and-tumble on thestreet last night between some soldiers and sailors. Many peopledon’t like the rough-and-tumble of politics. 2. {adj.} Fighting orarguing in a very rough and reckless way; struggling hard; notfollowing rules or laws. It took strong men […]...
34. Перевод слова ninth Ninth – девятый Перевод слова Ninth part – девятая часть on the ninth of July – девятого июля he is doing it for the ninth time – он делает это в девятый раз He finished in Ninth place. Он пришел к финишу девятым. He made par on the Ninth hole. На девятой лунке он сделал […]...
35. Значение идиомы face [face] See: BLUE IN THE FACE, CUT OFF ONE’S NOSE TO SPITE ONE’SFACE, FLY IN THE FACE OF, HATCHET FACE, HIDE ONE’S FACE, IN ONE’SFACE, IN THE FACE OF, LONG FACE, LOOK IN THE EYE or LOOK IN THE FACE, MAKE A FACE, ON THE FACE OF IT, SAVE FACE, SET ONE’S FACE AGAINST, SHOOT […]...
36. Значение идиомы ace in the hole [ace in the hole] {n. phr.} 1. An ace given to a player face down so that other players in a card game cannot see it. When the cowboy bet all his money in the poker game he did not know that the gambler had an ace in the hole and would win it from […]...
37. Could you please pass The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.” Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” […]...
38. Playing a Practical Joke Patricia: What are you doing? Luis: I’m setting up a Practical joke for Bobby. I Can’t wait to see the look on his face when he walks outside and finds his bike In pieces. It’ll be the best Prank ever! Patricia: You’re not really going to take apart his bike, are you? Luis: I’ll Let […]...
39. Just cut your hair first A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies, :”O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months […]...
40. Describing People’s Voices Adriana: Shhh, I’m trying to listen to the radio. Ralph: How can you listen to that radio station? All of their Deejays have such funny voices. Adriana: That’s precisely why I like it. Take this guy, Kevin. He has a Deep, Husky voice that I find really Sexy. Ralph: This guy? His voice is so […]...