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1. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
2. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
3. Значение идиомы cut teeth[cut teeth] {v. phr.} 1. To have teeth grow out through the gums. The baby was cross because he was cutting teeth. 2. or [cut eye teeth] {informal} To learn something very early in life; gain experience; start by learning or doing. — Used with a possessive, usually used with «on». The professional ball player ... Читать далее...
4. Some problemsA woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: «I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.» «What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it ... Читать далее...
5. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
6. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
7. Welfare applicationsFor those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which ... Читать далее...
8. Michael Jackson and the doctorMichael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, «How long before we can have sex?» The doctor says, «At least wait until he’s walking.»...
9. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
10. Japan’s quality standardThis speaks a lot about the Japanese quality standards and also cultural misunderstandings. They’re still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 . When the delivery ... Читать далее...
11. Good newsHiram answers the telephone, and it’s an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, «Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator the rest of her life.» ... Читать далее...
12. The bad news and the good newsHarry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, «Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for ... Читать далее...
13. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
14. A man is waiting for his wife to give birthA man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова deliveryDelivery — поставка, доставка Перевод слова Free delivery — бесплатная доставка delivery price — стоимость доставки delivery service — служба доставки Allow six weeks for Delivery. На доставку отводится шесть недель. The last Delivery was damaged. Последняя партия была повреждена. Most Indian restaurants offer free Delivery. Большинство индийских ресторанов предлагают бесплатную доставку....
16. Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has toJones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his ... Читать далее...
17. Two children are in a doctor’s waiting roomTwo children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. «Why are you crying?» asked the other child. «I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.» When he heard this, the other child started to cry. «Why are you crying?» «I’m here for a urine test.»...
18. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have childrenAfter a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. «Don’t worry,» he said, «Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.» So he went home feeling ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы tooth[tooth] See: BY THE SKIN OF ONE’S TEETH, CUT TEETH or CUT EYETEETH, EYE FOR AN EYE AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH, FED TO THE GILLS or FED TO THETEETH, GET ONE’S TEETH INTO or SINK ONE’S TEETH INTO, KICK IN THEPANTS or KICK IN THE TEETH, PULL ONE’S TEETH, SET ONE’S TEETH ON ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы by inches[by inches] {adv. phr.} By small or slow degrees; little by little; gradually. The river was rising by inches. They got a heavy wooden beam under the barn for a lever, and managed to move it by inches. He was dying by inches....
21. Значение идиомы with open arms[with open arms] {adv. phr.} 1. With the arms spread wide forhugging or catching. When Father came home from work, little Sallyran out to meet him with open arms. Dick stood under the windowwith open arms, and Jean dropped the bag of laundry down to him. 2.With words or actions showing that you are glad ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы by the skin of one’s teeth[by the skin of one’s teeth] {adv. phr.} By a narrow margin; with no room to spare; barely. The drowning man struggled, and I got him to land by the skin of my teeth. She passed English by the skin of her teeth. Compare: SQUEAK THROUGH, WITHIN AN ACE OF or WITHIN AN INCH OF....
23. Перевод слова projectProject — проект, план, программа, проектировать Перевод слова Commercial project — коммерческий проект finance for a project — финансирование проекта to carry out a project — осуществлять проект to draw up a project — составлять, разрабатывать проект My Project failed. Моя затея не удалась. This Project looks fishy. Этот проект выглядит сомнительно. We teamed up ... Читать далее...
24. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
25. Selling war insuranceAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in ... Читать далее...
26. A dubious remedyA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, «When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.» That same day the man went to the store ... Читать далее...
27. An unfortunate coincidenceOne day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. «Reverend,» she said, «I have a problem—my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?» «I have an idea,» said the minister. «Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell ... Читать далее...
28. Good sales strategyAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова armsArms — оружие, вооружение Перевод слова Arms dealer — торговец оружием arms expenditure — расходы на вооружение arms reduction — сокращение вооружений Present Arms! На караул! (команда) Arms! / To Arms! К оружию! The Arms race has slowed down. Гонка вооружений сбавила обороты. Интересные факты Подобное написание можно встретить как формы других слов: — present ... Читать далее...
30. A new taxDepartment of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D. C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 — P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% ... Читать далее...
31. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы up in arms[up in arms] {adj. phr.} 1. Equipped with guns or weapons and readyto fight. All of the colonies were up in arms against theRedcoats. Syn.: IN ARMS. 2. Very angry and wanting to fight. Robert is up in arms because John said he was stupid. Thestudents were up in arms over the new rule against ... Читать далее...
33. Giving Bad News and CondolencesI was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid ... Читать далее...
34. Going to the DentistI went to the dentist to get a Check-up and cleaning. I Showed up at the dentist’s office a few minutes before 10. I gave the receptionist my name and told her that I had a 10 a. m. appointment. She said that the doctor Was running a little latE and that I should take ... Читать далее...
35. Having a BabyPatrick: Hey, congratulations! I just heard that You’re expecting. How far along are you? Cindy: Thanks. I’m Four and a half months pregnant. It feels like it! I feel huge. Patrick: You don’t look it. I bet Carlos is excited. Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl? Cindy: No, we don‚Aot. ... Читать далее...
36. One day shortly after the birth of their new babyOne day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby ... Читать далее...
37. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
38. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы like father, like son[like father, like son] A son is usually like his father in the wayhe acts. — A proverb. Frank’s father has been on the city council;he is now the mayor, and is running for governor. Frank is on thestudent council and is likely to he class president. Like father, likeson. Mr. Jones and Tommy are ... Читать далее...
40. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...