Presidential Election worries

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1. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the […]...
2. Worries while flying Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that […]...
3. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
4. A husky foreigner, looking for sex A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute’s terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, “What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there.” The prostitute snapped back, “What do you want to do, knit or fuck?”...
5. Pop and Jazz Music Abby: Hey, what are you listening to? Bill: Right now I’m listening to the Foo Fighters’ latest Album. There are some really good Tracks on this CD, including their new Single. Abby: Let me see Your iPod for a minute. It looks like you’ve got a Ton of good stuff Loaded up. I like Gwen […]...
6. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
7. The Presidential watches A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called “the George Bush Watch” and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says – “you are suppose to read his lips”. He then looks at a watch called the “Ross Perot Watch” […]...
8. Being in a Severe Storm Shana: Hey, did you hear that? There’s a Severe storm coming. Let’s hope for the best. Aecio: Yeah, I hope it doesn’t leave a lot of damage. We haven’t recovered from the Aftermath of the last big storm. Shana: No, when I said I was hoping for the best, I meant I’m hoping to catch […]...
9. The Election for Beadle на английском языке писателя Charles Dickens A great event has recently occurred in our parish. A contest of paramount interest has just terminated; a parochial convulsion has taken place. It has been succeeded by a glorious triumph, which the country-or at least the parish-it is all the same-will long remember. We have had an election; an election for beadle. The supporters […]...
10. Перевод слова limited Limited – ограниченный, узкий Перевод слова Limited number – ограниченное число, небольшое количество limited ideas – ограниченные идеи limited views – узкие взгляды limited monarchy – конституционная (ограниченная) монархия He is a very Limited man. Он очень ограниченный человек. Seating is Limited to 500. Количество мест ограничено до 500. The event is Limited to invited […]...
11. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been […]...
12. Different Management Styles Bianca: Today’s the day. We’re supposed to find out who the new Manager is going to be. I hope they’re not making a mistake by Hiring internally. Conrad: I just hope they don’t pick Melissa. She would be a disaster. Bianca: Why do you say that? I like Melissa. Conrad: I like her, too, but […]...
13. Перевод слова manager Manager – управляющий, руководитель, менеджер Перевод слова Manager of distribution – менеджер отдела сбыта branch manager – заведующий отделением, заведующий филиалом campaign manager – руководитель избирательной кампании He was appointed Manager. Его назначили управляющим. He will make a good Manager. Он станет хорошим управляющим. I demand to see the Manager. Я хочу видеть менеджера. Происхождение […]...
14. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
15. Voting in an Election Khaled: Are you going to the Polling place or are you Voting by Absentee ballot again? Bernice: I always vote with an absentee ballot so I can vote in the comfort of my own home and In my own time. In fact, I’ve already mailed in my ballot. Khaled: Good for you. Which Candidate did […]...
16. Перевод слова election Election – выборы Перевод слова General election – всеобщие выборы students will make their election of courses – студенты выберут дисциплины, которые они хотят изучать the election of winners in the music contest – определение победителей на конкурсе музыкантов election campaign – избирательная кампания Did you vote in the last Election? Ты голосовал на последних […]...
17. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants – one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, “Jim […]...
18. Orange penis An old man goes to the doctor and says “Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.” The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. […]...
19. A secretary A secretary, who works in an office with my daughter’s friend, Commented at lunch that it was such a shame that the spice girls couldn’t stay together considering they are sisters and all. There was silence for a bit, then someone told her that they weren’t sisters. She said, ” Of course they are, they […]...
20. Значение идиомы up and at them [up and at them] 1. {adv. phr.} Actively engaged in a task as ifdoing combat. “You want to know whether he will make a diligentworker?” Dick asked. “Well, I can tell you that most of the time he isup and at them like no one else I know.” 2. {v. phr.} To becomeaggressively engaged in […]...
21. The work qualification test Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy […]...
22. An elderly man goes into a brothel An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry,” says the old man, […]...
23. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back […]...
24. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
25. High School Jobs I got my first Part-time job when I was 15 working at a Car wash in the Summertime. A friend of mine, Rob, worked there and got me the job. I think it paid $2.90 an hour, which I considered a Fortune. There were no Allowances in my family, so most of my brothers and […]...
26. An old sailor goes to a brothel An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins. “How am I doing?” He asks. “Three knots,” she replies. “Three knots? What’s that mean?” “You’re not hard, you’re not in, and you’re not getting your money back.”...
27. A bar name A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer “why doesn’t your store have a name”, the store manager says “I haven’t thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what’s your girlfriend’s name.” The guy says “Jenny” then the store owner says “What’s do you like most about Jenny” […]...
28. Planning a Business Luncheon One of my co-workers, Betty, was Retiring this month after working for the company 23 years. I was put In charge of planning a retirement lunch In her honor at a restaurant nearby. The company was Picking up the tab and it was Up to me to set a day and time. After asking the […]...
29. Work Environment Work Environment: (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION (Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME...
30. Learning Fire Safety The apartment manager asked all of the tenants to come to a short meeting to learn about Fire safety. I didn’t want to go, but the manager said that there would be free food, and who am I To turn down free pizza? … Apartment manager: Thank you all for coming to this meeting about […]...
31. Advantages and Disadvantages in Life Andy: Doesn’t it Make you sick? We Bust our butts around here and the boss brings in his nephew to be the new manager. Nia: You never know. He may be a good boss. Andy: I doubt it. He’s getting this opportunity just because he Was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He […]...
32. Our next targets Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: —————— Sooflay…………………..the restauranteur Guday……………………. the half-Australian brother Huray……………………. the sports fanatic Bejay……………………..the gay brother Kuntay & Kintay…………….the twins from the African mother Sayhay…………………….the baseball player Ojay………………………the stalker / […]...
33. Значение идиомы hope against hope [hope against hope] {v. phr.} To try to hope when things lookblack; hold to hope in bad trouble. The mother continued to hopeagainst hope although the plane was hours late. Jane hoped againsthope that Joe would call her....
34. Equally qualified Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went […]...
35. Перевод слова interested Interested – заинтересованный, корыстный Перевод слова Interested spectators – заинтересованные зрители interested look – пытливый взгляд interested marriage – брак по расчету All she’s Interested in is clothes. Все, что ей интересно – это одежда. She’s always Interested in the latest fads. Она всегда интересуется, последней модой. The experiment Interested me a lot. Эксперимент весьма […]...
36. Getting Rid of Bugs and Rodents Apartment Manager: This is the one-bedroom apartment we have for rent. Let me show you around. Sherin: Wait! Did you see that? It looked like a Mouse or a Rat. Apartment Manager: There aren’t any Rodents or any other Vermin in this Apartment complex. I make sure of that. Sherin: Are you sure? Apartment Manager: […]...
37. Question answer 02 Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing! […]...
38. A man goes to his bank manager and says A man goes to his bank manager and says “I’d like to start a small business how do I go about it?” The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies “Buy a big one and wait”...
39. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, “how much?” she replies, “$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.” He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, “it’s my hairdresser’s fee!”...
40. An Untrustworthy Co-worker Vicky: Did I Imagine it or did you just give Gavin The cold shoulder? Gerard: You didn’t imagine it. I’m not too happy with him. Vicky: Why? What did he do? Gerard: He’s Two-faced, that’s why. Last week, he told me he was going To put in a good word for me with the manager […]...