Pirate at the local bar discusses his past

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1. A disabled sea captain An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?” “I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark […]...
2. Перевод слова sailor Sailor – матрос, моряк, мореплаватель Перевод слова A sailor before the mast – рядовой матрос sailor suit – матроска to be a good sailor – хорошо переносить качку на море He worked as a Sailor on a cargo ship. Он работал матросом на сухогрузе. She is a poor Sailor. Ее быстро укачивает. What’s it like […]...
3. A drill instructor at Airborne school was A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: “When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, […]...
4. Перевод слова seaman Seaman – моряк, мореплаватель, матрос Перевод слова Merchant seaman – моряк торгового флота leading seaman – старший матрос ordinary seaman – простой матрос The captain of a ship is above a Seaman. Звание капитана корабля выше звания матроса. They offered three guineas ahead to the crimps for every good able Seaman. Они платили вербовщикам по […]...
5. Значение идиомы hook, line and sinker [hook, line and sinker] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Without question ordoubt; completely. Johnny was so easily fooled that he fell forJoe’s story, hook, line and sinker. Mary was such a romantic girlthat she swallowed the story Alice told her about her date, hook, lineand sinker. Bobby trusted Jim so he was taken in by his hard-luckstory […]...
6. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
7. It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick....
8. Значение идиомы at swords’ points [at swords’ points] {adj. phr.} Ready to start fighting; very much opposed to each; other hostile; quarreling. The dog’s barking kept the Browns at swords’ points with their neighbors for months. The mayor and the reporter were always at swords’ points....
9. Значение идиомы fall to [fall to] {v.} 1. To begin to work. The boys fell to and quicklycut the grass. Syn.: TURN TO. 2. To begin to fight. They took outtheir swords and fell to. 3. To begin to eat. The hungry boys fellto before everyone sat down. 4. Begin; start. The old friends metand fell to talking about […]...
10. Convince these students An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. A visitor asked a student: “Why you throw […]...
11. I was shopping at our local supermarket I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, “Paper or plastic?” “It doesn’t matter,” she replied, “I’m bisacksual.”...
12. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
13. Значение идиомы cross swords [cross swords] {v. phr.}, {literary} To have an argument with; fight. – Often used with “with”. Don’t argue with the teacher; you’re not old enough to cross swords with her....
14. A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. “Hi,” he said, “I’m new in town. Can I buy you a drink?” “Get lost,” she remarked, “I am Lesbian.” “Oh, really?” he asked, “How are things in Beiruit?”...
15. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
16. Lost all my luggage McAteer arrived at J. F. K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied McAteer. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out,” said the Irishman....
17. Упражнения “Сравнение времен Past Simple – Past Continuous” (с ответами) 1. Составьте из данных слов предложения, используя Past Simple и Past Continuous. Н-р: The police – come – while – I – have – lunch. – The police came while I was having lunch. (Полиция пришла в то время, как я обедал.) The rain – start – while – we – drive – home. He […]...
18. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!” The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without […]...
19. Значение идиомы sailor collar [sailor collar] {n.} A large square collar like those worn bysailors. Little Timmy’s suit has a sailor collar. Mary’s blousehas a sailor collar....
20. Перевод слова enemy Enemy – враг Перевод слова To be sworn enemies – быть заклятыми врагами he is an enemy of our cause – он враг нашего дела he is no enemy to wine – шутл. он не прочь выпить The Enemy showed no mercy. Враги были беспощадны. The Enemy was in full flight. Враг поспешно отступал. They […]...
21. Перевод идиомы swallow something hook, line, and sinker, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: swallow something hook, line, and sinker Перевод: принять наживку, попасться на удочку; полностью поверить в какую-либо ложь Пример: I swallowed the story hook, line, and sinker about how my friend lost his car keys. Я клюнул на историю моего друга о том, как он потерял свои ключи от машины....
22. Перевод слова hook Hook – крючок, зацепить на крючок Перевод слова Crochet hook – вязальный крючок meat hook – крюк для мяса to sew on hook – плести кружево I Hooked the door shut. Я закрыл дверь на крючок. My sweater was Hooked on a branch. Мой свитер зацепился за ветку. He Hooked a large fish. Он поймал […]...
23. Перевод идиомы at swords’ points, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at swords’ points Перевод: на ножах, в ссоре Пример: Judy and her mother-in-law were always at swords’ points. Джуди всегда была на ножах со своей свекровью....
24. A merchant captain and several of his officers A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!” The following morning the […]...
25. A man is walking past this house when a used condom A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock […]...
26. A sailor and a marine are taking a piss A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The sailor says: yeah well, in […]...
27. An American was waiting on a London street corner An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. “A bit airy, isn’t it?” remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, “‘Ell yes! What did you expect – feathers?!”...
28. Упражнения “Сравнение времен Past Perfect – Past Perfect Continuous” (с ответами) 1. Поставьте глаголы из скобок в форму Past Perfect или Past Perfect Continuous. Julia wanted to sit down as she… (stand) at work all day long. (Джулия хотела присесть, потому что она весь день на работе стояла на ногах.) She… (learn) “Eugene Onegin” by the autumn. (К осени она выучила “Евгения Онегина”.) The rain stopped […]...
29. A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The cop asked, “What’s he like?” The little boy replied, “Beer and women with big tits.”...
30. Значение идиомы in one fell swoop [in one fell swoop] or [at one fell swoop] {adv. phr.} 1.{literary} In one attack or accident; in one bad blow. Themillionaire lost his money and his friends at one fell swoop. 2. Atone time; at the same time. Three cars drove into the driveway, andMrs. Crane’s dinner guests all arrived at one fell swoop....
31. Значение идиомы by hook or by crook [by hook or by crook] {adv. phr.} By honest ways or dishonest in any way necessary. The wolf tried to get the little pigs by hook or by crook. The team was determined to win that last game by hook or by crook, and three players were put out of the game for fouling....
32. Значение идиомы hook up [hook up] {v. phr.} To connect or fit together. The company senta man to hook up the telephone. They could not use the gas stovebecause it had not been hooked up....
33. The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, […]...
34. A cattleman from West Texas died A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and […]...
35. A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Arizona.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter…and second, […]...
36. Red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and […]...
37. The first client A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it,” I am sorry, but my workload is so tremendous that I am not going to be able […]...
38. Значение идиомы off the hook [off the hook] {adv. phr.} Out of trouble; out of an awkward orembarrassing situation. Thelma found she had made two dates for thesame night; she asked Sally to get her off the hook by going out withone of the boys....
39. A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John […]...
40. Bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy […]...