Only once

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1. A blonde goes for a job interviewA blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you ... Читать далее...
2. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
3. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blondeThree women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: » OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.» She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says «It feels like ... Читать далее...
4. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
5. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothelA man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the ... Читать далее...
6. An unfortunate coincidenceOne day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. «Reverend,» she said, «I have a problem—my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?» «I have an idea,» said the minister. «Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова employEmploy — нанимать, использовать, употреблять Перевод слова To be gainfully employed — иметь оплачиваемую работу in the government’s employ — на государственной службе to employ criminally — использовать в преступных целях to employ the right word — употребить нужное слово How long have you been Employed at this job? Как долго вы здесь работаете? They ... Читать далее...
8. Blondes dumb?!?!?After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова editorEditor — редактор Перевод слова Senior editor — старший редактор story editor — редактор сценарного отдела киностудии technical editor — технический редактор Her official title is Editor. Ее официальная должность — редактор. He was promoted to senior Editor. Он был назначен на должность старшего редактора. She joined the staff as an Editor. Она стала работать ... Читать далее...
10. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы come up[come up] {v.} 1. To become a subject for discussion or decision to talk about or decide about. «He was a good salesman, and price never came up until the very last,» Mary said. The question of wage increases came up at the board meeting. Mayor Jones comes up for reelection this fall. 2. To ... Читать далее...
12. Selling war insuranceAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in ... Читать далее...
13. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова obviousObvious — очевидный, явный, заметный Перевод слова Obvious advantage — очевидное преимущество his embarrassment was obvious — он явно смутился for an obvious reason — по вполне понятной причине It’s Obvious that he is drunk. Ясно, что он пьян. There is no Obvious solution to the problem. Не существует ясного решения этой проблемы. Her disappointment ... Читать далее...
15. A woman goes into the local newspaper office to seeA woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, «Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.» Confounded at the woman’s thrift, ... Читать далее...
16. Good sales strategyAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain ... Читать далее...
17. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
18. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова modelModel — модель, макет, шаблон Перевод слова Working model — действующая модель constructed after model — сконструировано по образцу a sports model — спортивная модель He was a Model of polite restraint. Он был образцом вежливой сдержанности. As a girl she has been a Model pupil. В детстве она была примерной ученицей. This ideal Model ... Читать далее...
20. Where are the fingers?Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, «Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.» Jon says, «I haven’t got the fingers.» The doctor says, «What do ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова naturalNatural — природный, естественный, натуральный Перевод слова Natural bent — природные наклонности natural camouflage — естественная маскировка natural charm — природное обаяние natural dyes — натуральные красители This is the Natural design of life. Это естественный ход жизни. She has a Natural wave in her hair. У нее вьются волосы. He is a Natural for ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова magazineMagazine — журнал; погреб боеприпасов Перевод слова Magazine advertisement — рекламное объявление в журнале fashion magazine — журнал мод popular magazine — массовый, популярный журнал powder magazine — пороховой погреб She subscribes to several gardening Magazines. Она выписывает несколько журналов по садоводству. The Magazine is a cook’s delight. Этот погреб является мечтой повара. When will ... Читать далее...
23. A young girl is with her dad at the barbersA young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. «Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?» asked the barber. «Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!» said the girl!...
24. Commiting suicideA blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, «You put it around your neck!» The ... Читать далее...
25. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart andOne day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова fingersFingers — пальцы Перевод слова Dexterous fingers — ловкие пальцы to count on one’s fingers — считать на пальцах to snap one’s fingers — щелкать пальцами He snapped his Fingers. Он щелкнул пальцами. We ate with our Fingers. Мы ели руками. His Fingers turned to thumbs. Его пальцы одеревенели. Происхождение слова fingers Множественное число для ... Читать далее...
27. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы on all fours[on all fours] {adv. phr.} 1. On all four legs; on hands and knees. Fido sat up to «beg» but dropped down on all fours to eat the dogbiscuit Sam gave him. Billy’s father got down on all fours andgave the baby a ride. 2. {informal} On a level of equality; of thesame value. Wigs ... Читать далее...
29. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hairMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, «I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.» That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, «I’ve never seen anything like that. ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы bottle blond[bottle blond] {n.}, {slang} A person who is obviously not a natural blond but whose hair is artificially colored. I doubt that Leonora’s hair color is natural; she strikes me as a bottle blond....
31. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
32. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы cross one’s fingers[cross one’s fingers] {v. phr.} 1a. To cross two fingers of one hand for good luck. Mary crossed her fingers during the race so that Tom would win. 1b. or [keep one’s fingers crossed] {informal} To wish for good luck. Keep your fingers crossed while I take the test. 2. To cross two fingers of ... Читать далее...
34. A young couple got married, and in their familyA young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы finger[finger] See: BURN ONE’S FINGERS, CROSS ONE’S FINGERS or KEEP ONE’SFINGERS CROSSED, LAY A FINGER ON, LIFT A FINGER, PUT ONE’S FINGER ONalso LAY ONE’S FINGER ON, SLIP THROUGH ONE’S FINGERS, SNAP ONE’SFINGERS AT, STICKY FINGERS, TWIST AROUND ONE’S LITTLE FINGER, WORKONE’S FINGERS TO THE BONE....
36. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretaryMr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, «Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.» He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы pick off[pick off] {v.} 1. To pull off; remove with the fingers. Hepicked off the burs that had stuck to his overcoat. 2. To shoot, oneat a time; knock down one by one. The sniper picked off the slowersoldiers as they came out into the road. 3. To catch a base runneroff base by throwing the ... Читать далее...
38. Love thy NeighborThe middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had ... Читать далее...
39. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
40. An old italian couple is walking around in the mallAn old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: «Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He’s got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?» The saleswoman answers that she hasn’t seen her ... Читать далее...