Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward

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1. Перевод слова MisterMister — господин, сэр, мистер Перевод слова Hey, Mister! Эй, мистер! Don’t Mister me. Не употребляйте слово «мистер», обращаясь ко мне. Thanks, Mister. Спасибо, мистер....
2. Six guys were playing poker when Smith losesSix guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, «Now, who is going to tell the wife?» They draw straws. Rippington, who ... Читать далее...
3. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
4. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
5. Some problemsA woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: «I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.» «What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it ... Читать далее...
6. Put it to a good useThe doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, «I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Jones, but apparently your child was born with no arms, only one leg, and teeth that project six inches out of its mouth.» Mr. Jones cries, «My God! What will we do with ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова wardWard — помещать в больницу, больничная палата; опека, попечительство, защита Перевод слова A child in ward — ребенок, находящийся под опекой delivery ward — родильное отделение emergency ward — отделение скорой помощи The nurse wheeled the patient into the Ward. Медсестра ввезла больного в палату. They were Wards of the state. Они были под защитой ... Читать далее...
8. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
9. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contestThree guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and «splash» they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is ... Читать далее...
10. There is a child molester and a young boy walking throughThere is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, «Mister i’m scared and cold, please let me go»,the child molester cries out, «You think your scared I have to walk home alone!»...
11. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
12. A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The ... Читать далее...
13. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
14. Being a First-Time ParentZuly: Hello. Ricardo: Hi, Zuly. How are you? Zuly: Oh, Ricardo, it’s you. I’m doing okay. How are you? Ricardo: I wanted to call and congratulate you on the Birth of your new baby. Zuly: Thanks a lot. Carla was born three weeks ago, and she was 8 pounds, 3 ounces. Ricardo: That’s great! How ... Читать далее...
15. A man is waiting for his wife to give birthA man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, ... Читать далее...
16. Collection 07I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department — by a pair of handcuffs. Hello — tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean — you make me sick. You should have been born in the ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы keep up with the Joneses[keep up with the Joneses] {v. phr.} To follow the latest fashion;try to be equal with your neighbors. Mrs. Smith kept buying everynew thing that was advertised, finally Mr. Smith told her to stoptrying to keep up with the Joneses and to start thinking for herself....
18. Значение идиомы go from bad to worse[go from bad to worse] {adv. phr.} To change from a bad position orcondition to a worse one; become worse. Dick’s typing went from badto worse when he was tired. Jack’s conduct in school has gone frombad to worse. Compare: OUT OF THE PRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE....
19. FUN. FUNTwo elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова armsArms — оружие, вооружение Перевод слова Arms dealer — торговец оружием arms expenditure — расходы на вооружение arms reduction — сокращение вооружений Present Arms! На караул! (команда) Arms! / To Arms! К оружию! The Arms race has slowed down. Гонка вооружений сбавила обороты. Интересные факты Подобное написание можно встретить как формы других слов: — present ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы up in arms[up in arms] {adj. phr.} 1. Equipped with guns or weapons and readyto fight. All of the colonies were up in arms against theRedcoats. Syn.: IN ARMS. 2. Very angry and wanting to fight. Robert is up in arms because John said he was stupid. Thestudents were up in arms over the new rule against ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова worseWorse — худший, хуже Перевод слова Much worse — намного хуже not a penny the worse — нисколько не хуже to take a turn for the worse — измениться к худшему Worse cannot happen. Ничего худшего не может случиться. He became a lot Worse. Ему стало намного хуже. If she’s Worse in the morning, I’ll ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова terribleTerrible — ужасный, кошмарный, жуткий Перевод слова Terrible flirt — ужасная кокетка terrible nightmare — страшный сон terrible ordeal — ужасное испытание Rick’s a Terrible gossip. Рик ужасный сплетник. A Terrible rage possessed her. Страшный гнев овладел ею. His death will be a Terrible blow. Его смерть будет страшным ударом....
24. Investigating a Terrible AccidentThere was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... Читать далее...
25. Some things never changeI guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn. She said, «Well… the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week.» I told her I’d give her that much with ... Читать далее...
26. A man stops by a diner at noonA man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы for the worse[for the worse] {adj. phr.} or {adv. phr.} For something that isworse or not as good, with a worse result. He bought a new car butit turned out to be for the worse. The sick man’s conditionchanged for the worse. Compare: TAKE A TURN. Contrast: FOR THEBETTER....
28. Значение идиомы head[head] See: ACID HEAD, BEAT INTO ONE’S HEAD, BEAT ONE’S HEADAGAINST A WALL, BIG HEAD, COUNT HEADS, EYES IN THE BACK OF ONE’S HEAD, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET THROUGH ONE’S HEAD, GOOD HEAD ON ONE’SSHOULDERS, GO TO ONE’S HEAD, HANG ONE’S HEAD, HAVE ONE’S HEAD IN THESAND, HAVE ROCKS IN ONE’S HEAD, HEAP COALS ... Читать далее...
29. Collection 16At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people — you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens ... Читать далее...
30. An old man is sitting on the park bench cryingAn old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, «Mister, what’s the problem?» The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, «I’ve got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы take up arms[take up arms] {v. phr.}, {literary}. To get ready to fight; fightor make war. The people were quick to take up arms to defend theirfreedom. The President called on people to take up arms againstpoverty. Contrast: LAY DOWN ONE’S ARMS....
32. Значение идиомы for better or worse[for better or worse] or [for better or for worse] {adv. phr.} 1.With good or bad effect, depending on how one looks at the matter. The historian did justice, for better or worse, to the careers ofseveral famous men. 2. Under any eventuality; forever; always. Alex and Masha decided to leave Moscow and come to ... Читать далее...
33. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decidedThe Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, «I’m off. The man should be here soon» Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы bark worse than one’s bite[bark worse than one’s bite] {informal} Sound or speech more frightening or worse than your actions. The small dog barks savagely, but his bark is worse than his bite. The boss sometimes talks roughly to the men, but they know that his bark is worse than his bite. She was always scolding her children, but ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы arm[arm] See: GIVE ONE’S RIGHT ARM, KEEP AT A DISTANCE Or KEEP AT ARM’S LENGTH, SHOT IN THE ARM, TAKE UP ARMS, TWIST ONE’S ARM, UP IN ARMS, WITH OPEN ARMS, COST AN ARM AND A LEG....
36. Значение идиомы with open arms[with open arms] {adv. phr.} 1. With the arms spread wide forhugging or catching. When Father came home from work, little Sallyran out to meet him with open arms. Dick stood under the windowwith open arms, and Jean dropped the bag of laundry down to him. 2.With words or actions showing that you are glad ... Читать далее...
37. Two children are in a doctor’s waiting roomTwo children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. «Why are you crying?» asked the other child. «I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.» When he heard this, the other child started to cry. «Why are you crying?» «I’m here for a urine test.»...
38. Значение идиомы born out of wedlock[born out of wedlock] {adj. phr.} Born to parents who are not married to each other; without legal parents. Sometimes when a married couple can’t have children, they adopt a child who was born out of wedlock. Today we no longer make fun of children born out of wedlock....
39. A small boy walks into his mothers roomA small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. «Mummy, mummy, what are these?» he says, pointing to her breasts. «Well, son,» she says, «these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.» Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two ... Читать далее...
40. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...