Mike Mooney, a Yankee was driving through the south

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1. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
2. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
3. Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do whatMike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best… find a woman with whom he may «commiserate». After a wild night of getting it on, it’s time for the young lady to leave. As she’s getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation. She says, «Lotsa guys want to ... Читать далее...
4. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the countrySeems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. «Sure,» said the farmer, «my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 ... Читать далее...
5. A Britt in South Africa was enjoying a rideA Britt in South Africa was enjoying a ride in his European car when an American zoomed by in a Corvette. The Britt cursed, while the Corvette disappeared in the distance. The American chap however saw an Afrikaner struggling uphill on his stripped peddle bike. Just the bare essentials and a large bell, thats all ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова southSouth — юг, южный Перевод слова In the south — на юге towards the south — к югу to ship goods to South Africa — перевозить товары в Южную Африку Turn South onto Elm Street. Поверните на юг, на улицу Вязов. Most of the birds had already flown South. Большинство птиц уже улетело на юг. ... Читать далее...
7. A bus filled with politicians was driving through theA bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next ... Читать далее...
8. Juggler, driving to his next performanceJuggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. ‘What are those knives doing in your car?’ asked the officer. ‘I juggle them in my act.’ Oh yeah?’ says the cop. ‘Let’s see you do it.’ So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, ... Читать далее...
9. A man is driving down the freewayA man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; «Get gas and free sex here». So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. «Pick a number from 1 — 10 to get free sex.» said the cashier. «Uh, okay, 3!» the man replied. ... Читать далее...
10. A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped byA juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. «What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?» asks the cop. «I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.» «Oh yeah?» says the doubtful cop. «Lets see you do it.» The juggler gets out and starts juggling ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова South PoleSouth Pole — Южный полюс Перевод слова South magnetic pole — южный магнитный полюс south celestial pole — южный полюс небесной сферы south geographic pole — южный географический полюс The North Pole and the South Pole are antipodes. Северный полюс и Южный полюс — антиподы. Amundsen’s expedition was the first to reach the South Pole. ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы weigh in[weigh in] {v.} 1a. To take the weight of; weigh. The man at theairport counter weighed in our bags and took our plane tickets. Adoctor weighed in the wrestlers. 1b. To have yourself or somethingthat you own weighed. — Often used with «at». I weighed in at 100pounds on the scale today. We took our ... Читать далее...
13. A ventriloquist was driving in the countryA ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the ... Читать далее...
14. Two nuns were driving alone out in the booniesTwo nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. «I’m sorry, sister,» said the attendant, «but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. ... Читать далее...
15. Taking the Driving TestCesar: I just took the Driving test. See this? That’s my new License. May: You have to give me the Play-by-play. I’m taking the test next week and I’m Freaking out. Cesar: There’s nothing to worry about. It was easy. May: I’m not worried about the written test. It’s the driving test I’m worried about. ... Читать далее...
16. Do this while drivingStrange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below «things to do while driving», as all driving should be taken seriously. The below «things to do while driving» are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows ... Читать далее...
17. A Lutheran minister is driving downA Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, «Sir, have you been drinking?» And the minister says, «Just water.» The ... Читать далее...
18. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the MeadowlandsThere’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on ... Читать далее...
19. Driving in Great Britain — Вождение в ВеликобританииWelcome to the free Tourist Information Line for visitors to Great Britain. For information on visas and immigration, please press one. For information on driving in Britain, please press two. For information on hotels, please press three. For information on public transport in Britain, please press four. To return to this menu at any time ... Читать далее...
20. Don’t do while drivingWe do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes. When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also ... Читать далее...
21. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...
22. A man was driving from New York to San FranciscoA man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far as Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was ... Читать далее...
23. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain roadA man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, «Pig!» The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, «Bitch!» They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова weighWeigh — взвешивать, весить Перевод слова To weigh heavily — иметь большое значение weigh out — отвешивать, развешивать to weigh evidence — оценить доказательства She Weighs herself every morning. Она взвешивается каждое утро. The butcher Weighed the chicken. Мясник взвесил курицу. How much do you Weigh? Сколько вы весите?...
25. Star of the SouthThe Star of the South, also known as Estrela do Sul, is a diamond found in Brazil in July 1853. The diamond is cut into a cushion shape and weighs 128.48 carats (25.696 g). The Star of the South is graded as a type IIa diamond, with a colour grading of fancy light pinkish-brown and ... Читать далее...
26. A life-long city man, tired of the rat raceA life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a ... Читать далее...
27. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
28. An offenseLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
29. Driving school testThe following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод идиомы be in the driving seat, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: be in the driving seat Идиома: be in the driving seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: The consumer is in the driving seat due to the huge range of goods on the market. Потребитель имел весь контроль над ситуацией из-за огромного выбора товаров на рынке....
31. The owner of a small crossroads store in South CarolinaThe owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to inquire why. They received this short and simple explantion: «The bag ain’t full yet.»...
32. Don’t arrest the judgeA squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, «Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?» «That it is, «Irish ... Читать далее...
33. A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep SouthA long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, «Well, aren’t you going to ask me?» «Ask you what?» replied the trucker. «If I’m a boy or a girl,» answered the youth. «Don’t matter,» replied ... Читать далее...
34. California Driving Test AnswersThe following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right ... Читать далее...
35. Driving DirectionsI was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work ... Читать далее...
36. Driving DirectionsI was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова tailTail — хвост, кончик Перевод слова Tail ski — хвостовая лыжа самолета dog’s tail — собачий хвост the tail wagging the dog — хвост виляет собакой He checked behind. No Tail. Он оглянулся. «Хвоста» не было. The peacock fanned his Tail. Павлин раскрыл веером хвост. The lizard’s Tail can regenerate. Хвост ящерицы может регенерировать....
38. Touring South AmericaA tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist ... Читать далее...
39. Drinking and drivingThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The «Environmental Engineering News» published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, ... Читать далее...
40. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...