Scared sleeping
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top
The cost of a brain
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins
I am looking for a job as a consultant
Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The
Not a foot
An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a Podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, “A man who has developed a true sense
A precise location
Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Attorney: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”
Don’t do while driving
We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes. When using a
Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town
Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. “How’re thangs with y’all, Pete?” one asked. “Not bad atall,” Pete replied. “My old woman ain’t talkin’ to me thiseyer week…and I ain’t in no mood
The newly divorced woman
The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made