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1. Drinking too much A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender […]...
2. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
3. This businessman was walking down the sidewalk This businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman […]...
4. The barber was finishing a haircut The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day and started to apply some ‘Aftershave Lotion’ around his ears when the customer yelled, “Don’t put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!” Another customer who was waiting replied, “Hey John, you can put the ‘Aftershave Lotion’ on […]...
5. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, […]...
6. The price is right A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of […]...
7. An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said “I want to know the person you […]...
8. Double vodka A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodka.” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same […]...
9. Значение идиомы double-check [double-check] {v.} 1. To do a double check on; look at again very carefully. When the last typing of his book was finished, the author double-checked it. 2. To make a double check; look carefully at something. The proofreader double-checks against errors....
10. Bum in need of food One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food.”, The poor man replied. […]...
11. The Fisherman One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the […]...
12. A guy in a bar The bartender asks him “What’ll you have?”. The guy answers, “A scotch, please”. The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars”, to which he replies “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this”. A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You […]...
13. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
14. I don’t owe anything for this drink The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, […]...
15. Перевод слова photo Photo – фото Перевод слова A close-up photo – фотография крупным планом photo exhibit – фотовыставка photo session – фотосессия Her Photo was prominently displayed on his desk. Ее фотография была хорошо заметна на его письменном столе. You can see the hard core of the group on the Photo. На фотографии вы видите наиболее активных […]...
16. College bar joke When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the […]...
17. Значение идиомы order [order] See: APPLE-PIE-ORDER, CALL TO ORDER, IN ORDER, IN ORDER TO, IN SHORT ORDER, JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED, MADE TO ORDER, OUT OFORDER, PUT ONE’S HOUSE IN ORDER or SET ONE’S HOUSE IN ORDER, SHORTORDER COOK, TO ORDER, WALKING PAPERS or WALKING ORDERS....
18. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.” When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant […]...
19. An infamous stud with a long list of conquests An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. “I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop […]...
20. A man was riding in the back of his limousine A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man. “I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “Oh, please come […]...
21. Перевод слова shirt Shirt – рубашка, сорочка Перевод слова Check shirt – клетчатая рубашка flaxen shirt – льняная рубаха sports shirt – рубашка-поло Have you ironed my Shirt? Вы погладили мою рубашку? Tuck in your Shirt. Заправь рубаху. This Shirt is all worn out. Рубашка совсем износилась....
22. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
23. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
24. Перевод слова order Order – очередность, порядок; приказ, заказ Перевод слова Body of the order – основной текст приказа to order a brandy – заказать стакан бренди established order – установленный порядок the anticipated order of the events – предполагаемая последовательность событий Everything is in Order. Все в порядке. The Order came by mail. Заказ пришел по почте. […]...
25. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
26. A man was taking his wife A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody […]...
27. Cafe Living One of my favorite Hang-outs is a cafe near where I live called Bolivar in Santa Monica. It’s only five minutes Away, and its never too busy to find a table. Sometimes it can be Bustling, but that’s usually just in the morning during Rush hour or at Lunchtime. The owners are from Venezuela, and […]...
28. Gift for a birthday A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that […]...
29. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
30. Going to Happy Hour Gary: Hey, over here. I’m glad you could make it. This place has a great Happy hour. Let me get the waitress, Brenda, so we can order our drinks. Shanise: Hi, Gary. You sound like a Regular. Do you come here a lot? Gary: Yeah, I like Stopping by on my way home Now and […]...
31. A customer sent an order to a distributor A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day […]...
32. Перевод слова customer Customer – покупатель, клиент Перевод слова Customer service – служба работы с покупателями at customer’s discretion – на усмотрение заказчика potential customer – потенциальный клиент She is one of our best Customers. Она является одним из наших лучших клиентов. Poor Customer service has ruined the company’s reputation. Плохое обслуживание клиентов погубило репутацию компании. The Customer […]...
33. Some people are sitting in a bar Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.” Another guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.” Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, “What’s that?” […]...
34. Is this her first? A guy calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!” The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” He says, “No! This is her husband!”...
35. Перевод слова pocket Pocket – карман; карманный, портативный Перевод слова His money burns a hole in his pocket – деньги жгут ему карман pocket calculator – карманный калькулятор pocket dictionary – карманный словарь I have a hole in my Pocket. У меня дыра в кармане. She put the key in her Pocket. Она положила ключи в карман. He […]...
36. A man sat quietly reading his morning paper A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?” Man: “Oh honey, […]...
37. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run […]...
38. A fair offer One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his […]...
39. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, “Do all the waiters […]...
40. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...