On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: «Hi, I’d like one seven layer burrito please, to go.»
IT: «Is that it?»
ME: «Yep.»
IT: «That’ll be $1.04, eat here?»
ME: «No, it’s *to* *go*.» [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: «Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.»
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: «Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?»
MG: «No. A what?»
IT: «A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.»
MG: «Ask for something else, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL.»
IT: «Yeah, thought so.»
He comes back to me and says
IT: «We don’t take these. Do you have anything else?»
ME: «Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why?»
IT: «I don’t know.»
ME: «See here where it says legal tender?»
IT: «Yeah.»
ME: «So, shouldn’t you take it?»
IT: «Well, hang on a sec.»
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I’m going to shoplift, and. . .
IT: «He says I have to take it.»
MG: «Doesn’t he have anything else?»
IT: «Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change.»
MG: «I’M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE.»
IT: «What should I do?»
MG: «Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money.»
IT: «I can’t tell him that, you tell him.»
MG: «Just tell him.»
IT: «No way, this is weird, I’m going in back.»
The manager approaches me and says
MG: «Sorry, we don’t take big bills this time of night.»
[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor
Mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: «Well, here’s a two.»
MG: «We don’t take *those* either.»
ME: «Why the hell not?»
MG: «I think you *know* why.»
ME: «No really, tell me, why?»
MG: «Please leave before I call mall security.»
ME: «Excuse me?»
MG: «Please leave before I call mall security.»
ME: «What the hell for?»
MG: «Please, sir.»
ME: «Uh, go ahead, call them.»
MG: «Would you please just leave?»
ME: «No.»
MG: «Fine, have it your way then.»
ME: «No, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?»
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: «Yeah, Mike, what’s up?»
MG: «This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money.»
SG: «Really? What?»
MG: «Get this, a *two* dollar bill.»
SG: «Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?» [incredulous]
MG: «I don’t know? He’s kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has
Is a fifty.»
SG: «So, the fifty’s fake?»
MG: «NO, the $2 is.»
SG: «Why would he fake a $2 bill?»
MG: «I don’t know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?»
SG: «Yeah…»
Security guard walks over to me and says. . .
SG: «Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.»
ME: «Uh, no.»
SG: «Lemme see ’em.»
ME: «Why?»
SG: «Do you want me to get the cops in here?»
At this point I was ready to say, «SURE, PLEASE,» but I wanted to eat, so I said
ME: «I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill.»
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:
SG: «Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?»
MG: «It’s fake.»
SG: «It doesn’t look fake to me.»
MG: «But it’s a **$2** bill.»
SG: «Yeah?»
MG: «Well, there’s no such thing, is there?»
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
Краткая биография моцарта на английском языке.
My future profession manager.
Fake two dollar bill