Confuse traffic signs

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1. Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. “I’m sorry, sister,” said the attendant, “but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. […]...
2. Show him your cross Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should […]...
3. Common Traffic Signs Ben: Why are you Squinting like that? Lauren: I left my glasses at the office. Ben: You mean you can’t see?! Lauren: I can see pretty well. What was that yellow Sign we just passed? Ben: It said, “Dead End.” Stop! Turn around. Lauren: I can’t. That sign says, “No U-turn.” Ben: Okay, but we […]...
4. The seven dwarves were in Rome The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. “Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?” “Sorry”, she replies, “but there are no dwarf nuns here”. “Well, are there any in the city?”. “No, there are no dwarf nuns”. […]...
5. On preparing to return home from an out of town trip On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About […]...
6. Handling a Traffic Stop I was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out […]...
7. Two nuns are walking down an alley Two nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!” The second one says, “This one does!”...
8. Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: “Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that’s 150, you’ll get a 25% discount!” The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: “We could eat the 30, […]...
9. An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has […]...
10. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. […]...
11. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting […]...
12. Nuns First Hot Dog Nuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, the […]...
13. Перевод слова highway Highway – шоссе, магистраль Перевод слова Highway engineer – дорожный инженер express highway – скоростная трасса limited-access highway – дорога с ограниченным проездом Cars whooshed along the Highway. Автомобили мчались вдоль шоссе. Тhe Highway was lined with signboards Шоссе было размечено дорожными знаками. The great sea on the west is the natural Highway of commerce. […]...
14. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
15. Star Signs Топик Знаки Зодиака – для любителей гороскопов. И это очень хорошая практика в языке: стремясь прочитать, правильно перевести и понять интересные описания для всех созвездий, вы пополните свой словарный запас и улучшите уровень английского языка в целом. There are 12 star sings, and people who belong to a definite sign have their own character, habits […]...
16. Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay. The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them. A nun answered back, “Well, […]...
17. Signs Technology Took Over Your Life 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is […]...
18. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
19. Перевод слова careful Careful – заботливый, внимательный, осторожный Перевод слова Careful mother – заботливая мать careful analysis – вдумчивый анализ careful step – осторожный, осмотрительный шаг He is a Careful driver. Он внимательный водитель. I promise to be Careful. Я обещаю быть осторожным. Be careful! The stove is hot! Будь осторожен! Плита горячая! Происхождение слова careful Образовано от […]...
20. Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was. They ask the waiter who replies “Oh Sister, those are nuts.” She answers “Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?” “No. The kind you rock on a crack.”...
21. Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. “Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! […]...
22. Перевод слова terrible Terrible – ужасный, кошмарный, жуткий Перевод слова Terrible flirt – ужасная кокетка terrible nightmare – страшный сон terrible ordeal – ужасное испытание Rick’s a Terrible gossip. Рик ужасный сплетник. A Terrible rage possessed her. Страшный гнев овладел ею. His death will be a Terrible blow. Его смерть будет страшным ударом....
23. Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he’s a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs....
24. Знаки зодиака/ Star Signs На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Star Signs Знаки зодиака Astrology is studying the Zodiac signs. Astrologer consider that the position of the Sun, Moon and planets in relation to the zodiac signs have influence on various events in the world. However, there are not any scientific evidence for this state. It is also […]...
25. Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, “Ray, may I borrow your axe?” “Not today,” Ray replied, “I have to make soup.” “What kind of excuse it that?!” demanded Joe. “Well,” confessed Ray, “I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don’t want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good […]...
26. Save the dead rabbit A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
27. Значение идиомы fear and trembling [fear and trembling] or [fear and trepidation] {n. phr.} Greatfear. He came in fear and trembling to tell his father he had a badreport card....
28. A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, “Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?” The Saudi replied, […]...
29. Star Signs – Знаки зодиака There are 12 star sings. And people who belong to the definite sign have their own character, habits and manners. So if you were born under the sign of Aquarius (21st January – 18th February) you like to be free. You have original ideas. Some of your ideas are crazy! Pisces (19th February – 20th […]...
30. ПДД (Правила дорожного движения)/ Traffic Laws На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Traffic Laws ПДД (Правила дорожного движения) Modern life is full of traps and dangerous situations. If centuries ago there were only horse carriages on the streets and there was no real danger of being hit, nowadays we must obey a number of rules to be safe on roads. […]...
31. Hair spray A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
32. Перевод слова confuse Confuse – смешивать, путать, смущать Перевод слова Confuse a pupil by difficult questions – смутить ученика трудными вопросами confuse an issue – внести путаницу в проблему confuse the leads – перепутать провод I always Confuse him with his brother. Я всегда путаю этого человека с его братом. These questions Confuse even the experts Эти вопросы […]...
33. Sister Margaret died Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, “This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!” She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. […]...
34. Перевод слова sister Sister – сестра, родственный Перевод слова Twin sister – сестра-двойняшка lay sister – послушница sister cities – города-побратимы sister languages – близкородственные языки She’s my twin Sister. Она – моя сестра-близнец. Do you know my Sister? Вы знаете мою сестру? He bequeathed his property to his Sister. Он завещал свое имущество сестре....
35. The wrong definition Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the ‘Bible Belt,’ there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, “Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!” The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, “One of you, here […]...
36. Stuck orgasm A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They’re having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure – she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this […]...
37. Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo 1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino […]...
38. Top ten signs that you are too drunk 10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. […]...
39. Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
40. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...