Better than Sex

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1. Marriage quotes 11My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова occupyOccupy — занимать, захватывать; заниматься, уделять время Перевод слова Occupy a senior position — занимать высокопоставленную должность to occupy territory — занимать территорию he occupied himself with solving some algebra problems — он занимался решением алгебраических задач This hobby Occupies all of my free time. Это увлечение поглощает все мое свободное время. The garden Occupies ... Читать далее...
3. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
4. This man got his prescription for ViagraThis man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, «I’ll be home in an hour.» «Perfect,» she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He ... Читать далее...
5. Letters to a landlordExcerpts from actual letters sent to landlords The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. ... Читать далее...
6. A kind of sportA guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, «What the hell was that?» He replies, «Touchdown, I am ... Читать далее...
7. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова pacificPacific — тихий, спокойный, миролюбивый Перевод слова The Pacific Ocean — Тихий океан pacific disposition — миролюбивый характер pacific settlement of differences — мирное урегулирование разногласий споров Few continental rises occur in the Pacific Ocean. В Тихом океане залегают несколько материковых возвышенностей. He sailed the Pacific all alone. Он переплыл Тихий океан на парусной лодке ... Читать далее...
9. Silent treatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and ... Читать далее...
10. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
11. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
12. Man v. catA man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He ... Читать далее...
13. A henpecked husbandA henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. «You don’t have to let your wife bully you,» he said. «Go home and show her you’re the boss.» The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, «From now ... Читать далее...
14. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
15. A man is driving down the freewayA man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that says; «Get gas and free sex here». So obviously the guy was interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay. «Pick a number from 1 — 10 to get free sex.» said the cashier. «Uh, okay, 3!» the man replied. ... Читать далее...
16. Prison vs a housewifeIn prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow ... Читать далее...
17. The USA (8)The United States of America is the fourth largest country in the world (after Russia, Canada and Chine). It occupies the southern part of North America and stretches from the Pacific to the Atlantic Ocean. It also includes Alaska in the north and Hawaii in the Pacific Ocean. The total area of the country is ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова southSouth — юг, южный Перевод слова In the south — на юге towards the south — к югу to ship goods to South Africa — перевозить товары в Южную Африку Turn South onto Elm Street. Поверните на юг, на улицу Вязов. Most of the birds had already flown South. Большинство птиц уже улетело на юг. ... Читать далее...
19. Sending Business PackagesMaria: I need this Package to arrive in Tulsa by next Wednesday. Sam: Sure, I’ll send it UPS or FedEx using their Ground service. It’ll be cheaper than sending it using their Overnight service and we can still Track it. Is it going to a business? Maria: Yes, it is. Sam: Okay, I’ll Mark that ... Читать далее...
20. A wife went in to see a therapist and saidA wife went in to see a therapist and said, «I’ve got a big problem doctor» Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.» «MY dear,» the shrink said, «that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?» «The problem is,» she complained, «It wakes me up.»...
21. A man took his wife to the doctorsA man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said «Your wife’s mind has completely gone!» To which the man replied «I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!»...
22. Polygamy andA child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, «The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony»...
23. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cellWhile in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind «OK if I say I’m going ... Читать далее...
24. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова sendSend — отправлять, посылать, передавать, извещать Перевод слова To send a warning — послать предупреждение to send a case to hospital — направить больного в больницу send to me in the morning — известите меня утром Send him where he wants. Пошлите его туда, куда он хочет. I’ll Send a copy to you. Я пришлю ... Читать далее...
26. Miles Dobson was away from home on businessMiles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, «Miles, they had your name in the obits today.» «What! In the obituary column! That’s not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I’ll sue ’em.» «Tell me, Miles,» his wife asked tremulously, «wh…wh…where are you calling from?»...
27. Pacific OceanPacific Ocean is the largest and deepest ocean in the world, with the area of around 70,000,000 sq mi (181,300,000 sq km), occupying about one third of the earth’s surface; named by the explorer Ferdinand Magellan; its southern part is also known as the South Sea. Extent and Seas The Pacific Ocean extends from the ... Читать далее...
28. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы mind[mind] See: CROSS ONE’S MIND or PASS THROUGH ONE’S MIND, GIVE APIECE OF ONE’S MIND, HALF A MIND, IN MIND, IN ONE’S MIND’S EYE, MAKEUP ONE’S MIND, NEVER MIND, ON ONE’S MIND, OUT OF ONE’S HEAD or OUT OFONE’S MIND, PUT IN MIND OF, READ ONE’S MIND....
30. Devil herselfA fellow’s wife was very worried about her husband’s heavy drinking and one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the ... Читать далее...
31. Free meatIt was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the ... Читать далее...
32. An infamous stud with a long list of conquestsAn infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. «I’m scared out of my mind,» the stud replied. «Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop ... Читать далее...
33. Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how theyThree newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says «I can play all my favorite songs on this.» The second takes out a deck of cards. «I can play poker with myself with these.» The third gets out a box of ... Читать далее...
34. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
35. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы cross one’s mind[cross one’s mind] or [pass through one’s mind] {v. phr.} To be a sudden or passing thought; be thought of by someone; come to your mind; occur to you. At first Bob was puzzled by Virginia’s waving, but then it crossed his mind that she was trying to tell him something. When Jane did not ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова localLocal — местный, локальный Перевод слова Local bus — местный автобус local call — местный звонок local dialect — местный диалект local jurisdiction — местная юрисдикция, внутренняя юрисдикция We had dinner at a Local restaurant. Мы поужинали в местном ресторане. The shop sells Local crafts. Магазин торгует ремесленными изделиями местного производства. He writes for the ... Читать далее...
38. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
39. It’s not a big deal, but it feels goodA man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: «Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.» The next day ... Читать далее...
40. The woman who invented chocolate chip cookiesRuth Graves Wakefield (June 17, 1903 — January 10, 1977) was the inventor of the Toll House Cookie, the first chocolate chip cookie, which she created c. 1938. She was also a graduate and educator, a business owner, a chef, and an author. Wakefield was educated at Framingham State Normal School Department of Household Arts ... Читать далее...