At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his

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1. Special High Intensity TeachingMemo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова professorProfessor — профессор, преподаватель Перевод слова Former University professor — бывший преподаватель университета professor of sociology — преподаватель социологии a promotion to the rank of professor — присвоение звания профессора The new Professor always pontificates. Новый профессор всегда занимался догматическими разглагольствованиями. He looked like a nutty Professor. Он выглядел как полоумный профессор. The Professor flunked ... Читать далее...
3. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his studentsA college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, «Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.» She replied, «What other ... Читать далее...
4. American University Grading ProceduresHere is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: — All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: — Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books ... Читать далее...
5. Back in the good ole days in TexasBack in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова teachingTeaching — обучение, преподавание Перевод слова Teaching machine — обучающая машина the teachings of experience — то, что подсказывает опыт teaching profession — преподавательская деятельность Peter switched over to Teaching. Питер перешел на преподавательскую работу. Jan has a vocation for Teaching. У Яна есть склонность к преподаванию. Teaching adolescents can be quite a challenge. Обучение ... Читать далее...
7. University courses for men and womenWhatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do ... Читать далее...
8. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hookerThis guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, «Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.» «Sure,» he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, «Is ... Читать далее...
9. ‘Texas’ is slang for’crazy’ in NorwayY’all already all know that Texas is known for its slang. The state is home to a slew of Southern colloquialisms as well as totally unique sayings you won’t hear anywhere else. But did you know that the word «Texas» is in itself a slang word? According to Texas Monthly, Norwegians have long used the ... Читать далее...
10. Oxford — the University TownThis university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. ... Читать далее...
11. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seatedA girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: «So, where y’all from?» The New York girl said, «From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.» The ... Читать далее...
12. A cattleman from West Texas diedA cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, «Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.» «The gatekeeper replied, «First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and ... Читать далее...
13. A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasureA college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, «A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.» One student stands up and says, «Professor, ... Читать далее...
14. Chemistry song 06Quantum Chemistry On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and ... Читать далее...
15. Texas — Штат ТехасTexas is the 28th American state, which is situated in the south of the country and could be denoted as the southeast continental part of the USA. Texas has border with other USA states: Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Louisiana. The State is washed by the Gulf of Mexico. Certainly, this state has its nickname: ... Читать далее...
16. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова universityUniversity — университет, университетский Перевод слова University chair — университетская кафедра university education — университетское образование university town — университетский город Harvard University — Гарвард, Гарвардский университет I work at the University. Я работаю в университете. She had dreams of University. Она мечтала об университете. I met my husband at University. Я познакомилась с мужем ... Читать далее...
18. These two sperm were swimming aroundThese two sperm were swimmin’ around, doin’ their thing and one sperm asks the other…Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? Sperm #2 says «Naaaa this is still the esophagus»....
19. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trapSorry Texans…. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. «How do you know it’s one of our coyotes?» asked the Oklahoma game warden. «Well,» replied the Texas ... Читать далее...
20. University EducationThere are 44 universities (not counting the Open University) in Britain. Although the Goverment is responsible for providing about 80 per cent of universities income it does not control their work or teaching nor does it have direct dealings with the universities. The grants are distributed by the Secretary of State for Education and Science. ... Читать далее...
21. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
22. Oxford — the University Town — Оксфорд — университетский городThis university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. ... Читать далее...
23. College DormOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: «The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.» He continued, «Anybody caught breaking this rule the ... Читать далее...
24. A mother was teaching her three year old daughterA mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…»And lead us not into temptation», she prayed, ... Читать далее...
25. TeachingTeaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: «What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?» The ... Читать далее...
26. A college professor’s going to bed with his wifeA college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… «Kitza kitza…» She says, «Will you stop that! Will you stop ... Читать далее...
27. A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmeticA teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, «If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?» «Somebody else’s pants.» said the Little Johnny....
28. 10 Quacking Facts About Ducks«From troubles of the world I turn to ducks, Beautiful comical things» — Ducks by Frank W. Harvey From Jemima to Donald, ducks have permeated popular culture due to their friendly and entertaining nature. But far from just being waddling bundles of feathers, ducks are actually very complex creatures… 1. THEY FOLLOW THE FIRST ANIMAL ... Читать далее...
29. Talking to the Professor[A knock on the door.] Jeff: Come in. Julie: Hi, Dr. McQuillan, I’m Julie Taylor. I’m in your 2 o’clock class on Thursdays. Jeff: Hi, Julie. Have a seat. What can I do for you? Julie: I wanted to come see you during your Office hours because I Missed class last week. I had a ... Читать далее...
30. One day a teacher was teaching religionOne day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class «What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?» Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. «I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of ... Читать далее...
31. Перевод слова lifetimeLifetime — продолжительность жизни Перевод слова A lifetime guarantee — бессрочная гарантия warranty lifetime — гарантийный срок службы once in a lifetime — раз в жизни This is the chance of a Lifetime! Такой шанс выпадает раз в жизни! It would have taken me a Lifetime to read all those books. Мне потребовалась бы вся ... Читать далее...
32. A degree at Life UniversityA new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That’s right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы shudder to think[shudder to think] {v. phr.} To be afraid; hate to think aboutsomething. The professor is so strict I shudder to think what hisfinal exam questions will be like....
34. Teaching Children About SafetyMs. Sanchez: Okay, kids. I’m Ms. Sanchez, your Substitute for this week. I’m taking all of you on the Field trip tomorrow. Listen up. There are some Ground rules we need To go over. First, each of you will have a Partner and you will Hold hands while we cross the streets. Student: Ms. Sanchez…? ... Читать далее...
35. Университет/ UniversityНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык University Университет Entering a university is an interesting experience in every person’s life. The majority of high-school students choose to continue studying at the university after graduating from school. They say that university years are the best. There are several reasons for this. First of all, being a ... Читать далее...
36. «Мой университет» (My University)I think everybody knows that education is necessary to be successful in our life. I would like to work in the field of physical culture and sports in future and to become a professional sportsman and a basketball coach. To get my profession I need a university graduation. So after finishing school I passed the ... Читать далее...
37. Strange headline newsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
38. Elephants found to understand human pointing without trainingA study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to ... Читать далее...
39. A high school senior was inspecting Harvard UniversityA high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: «Sir, can you please tell me where your library is at?» The man looked down his nose and replied: «Son, I’m head of the English ... Читать далее...
40. Higher Education in The UKThere are more than 60 universities in the U. K. The leadinguniversities are Cambridge, Oxford and London. English universitiesdiffer from each other in traditions, general organization, internalgoverment, etc. British universities are comparatively small, theapproximate number is about 7-8 thousand students. Most universitieshave under 3000 students, some even less than 1500 ones. London andOxford universities are ... Читать далее...