An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing

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1. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
2. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
3. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said “Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.” The Italian said “That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with […]...
4. So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a building So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a building and this white dude sees him. After the Mexican is done the white guy asks him, “How come you Mexicans don’t wash your hands after you pee?” And the Mexican guy replies, “Because we Mexicans don’t piss in our hands”...
5. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
6. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after […]...
7. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
8. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
9. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
10. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
11. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the […]...
12. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no […]...
13. A Mexican, a black, and a white guy A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says “whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me”. So the white guy says “I love liver and cheese.” she says “that’s not good enough.” The black […]...
14. Irish math There’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that […]...
15. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
16. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
17. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
18. 35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet 35 People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet heading over the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late” “Damn!” Said the Irishman, 10 mins later, “I’m sorry people Engine #3 has died, We’ll be 1 hour late” 20 […]...
19. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
20. A blonde goes for a job interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you […]...
21. Last Lunch Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, “Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.” The second […]...
22. Перевод слова cabbage Cabbage – капуста Перевод слова Cabbage head – кочан капусты, дурак, тупица white cabbage – белокочанная капуста heart of cabbage head – капустная кочерыжка beetroot and cabbage soup – борщ I’m not keen on Cabbage. Я не в восторге от капусты. Cabbage can be eaten raw. Капусту можно есть в сыром виде. This Cabbage heads […]...
23. There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home. When they got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea way use your imagination). The three girls jump off and swim to a nearby island. After being there […]...
24. A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, […]...
25. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
26. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
27. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ” OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.” She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says “It feels like […]...
28. A blonde decides to try horseback riding A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, […]...
29. Mexican Smuggler Juan pedals up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them […]...
30. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
31. Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them […]...
32. A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept punching the buttons only to have happen what you’d expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went and got more. Back […]...
33. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, “Do you want to move to the back seat?” She replies, “NO!” Flabbergasted, he says, “Why Not?” To which she replies, “Well, I want to stay up here with […]...
34. A drunken blonde goes into a bar A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, “Gimme a beer.” The bartender then asks, “Anheuser-Busch?” To which she replies, “Fine thanks, and how’s your cock?”...
35. An easy solution On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]...
36. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.” “Oh Dear!” the […]...
37. Перевод слова beef Beef – говядина, мясо Перевод слова Horse beef – конина beef broth – говяжий бульон ground beef – говяжий фарш This is a good lean cut of Beef. Это хороший нежирный кусок говядины. OK, so what’s the Beef this time? Ладно, так что за говядина на этот раз? The Beef was overdone. Говядина была пережарена. […]...
38. A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to […]...
39. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
40. Two Tourists Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would […]...