A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs

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1. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....
2. A woman walks into a tattoo parlourA woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down ... Читать далее...
3. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
4. A dog walks into a butcher shopA dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter ... Читать далее...
5. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова expensiveExpensive — дорогой, дорогостоящий, расточительный Перевод слова Expensive clothes — дорогая одежда expensive furs — ценные меха expensive man — расточительный человек expensive of health — подрывающий здоровье It’s more Expensive to live in the city than in the country. В городе жить намного дороже, чем в деревне. She’s always Expensively dressed. Она всегда дорого ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод идиомы close up shop / shut up shop, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: close up shop / shut up shop Перевод: закрывать лавочку, свернуть дело (временно или навсегда) Пример: I can’t make any money in this town. The time has come to close up shop and move to another town. У меня не получается ничего заработать в этом городке. Пришло время закрываться и переезжать в другой городок....
8. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
9. A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shopA tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. «Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,» says the shop ... Читать далее...
10. A guy walks into an elevator and stands nextA guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, «Can I smell your pussy?» The woman looks at him in disgust and says, «Certainly not!» «Hmmm,» he replies. «It must be your feet, then.»...
11. A duck in the shopA duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow ... Читать далее...
12. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова shopShop — магазин, лавка, буфет; ходить по магазинам Перевод слова Close up a shop — закрыть магазин coffee shop hours — время работы кафе to keep a shop — иметь магазин She works in a Shop. Она работает в магазине. It’s not available in the Shops. Этого нет в магазинах. Many people now Shop online. ... Читать далее...
14. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
15. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова inspectInspect — инспектировать, осматривать Перевод слова To inspect for cracks — проверять на наличие трещин to inspect goods — тщательно осматривать товары inspect and adjust — осмотреть и отрегулировать field-inspect — поверять на местности I got out of the car to Inspect the damage. Я вышел из машины, чтобы осмотреть повреждения. He Inspected the soldiers’ ... Читать далее...
17. A woman strode angrily into the largeA woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, «What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?» The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, «Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for ‘cats’?»...
18. The Barber ShopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, «How long before I can get a ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы close up shop[close up shop] {v. phr.} 1. To shut a store at the end of a day’s business, also, to end a business. The grocer closes up shop at 5 o’clock. After 15 years in business at the same spot, the garage closed up shop. 2. {informal} To stop some activity; finish what you are doing. ... Читать далее...
20. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
21. Значение идиомы closed shop[closed shop] {n. phr.} 1. A plant or factory that employs only union workers. Our firm has been fighting the closed shop policy for many years now. 2. A profession or line of work dominated by followers of a certain mode of thinking and behaving that does not tolerate differing views or ideas. Certain groups ... Читать далее...
22. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
23. Shoe shoppingA man walks into a shoe store… …and tries on a pair of shoes. «How do they feel?» asks the sales clerk. «Well… they feel a bit tight.» replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. «Try pulling the tongue out.» offers the clerk. ... Читать далее...
24. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the topA man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams «We’re going to ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы open shop[open shop] {n. phr.} A factory or firm that employs both union andnon-union labor. The firm refuses to adopt an open shop policy. Contrast: CLOSED SHOP....
26. A guy walks into a bar and sits down next toA guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or velcro) for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over ... Читать далее...
27. Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cutCronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber shop. The barber finishes and comes back. As Cronin hands ... Читать далее...
28. Giuseppi walks into work, and he saysGiuseppi walks into work, and he says, «Ey, Tony! You know who’s-a George Washington?» Tony says, «No, Giuseppi, who’s-a George Washington?» He says, «Hah! George-a Washington’s the first-a President of — a United States. I’m-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S.-a citizen.» A couple of days later, Giuseppi ... Читать далее...
29. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quartersA young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. «Hi, there, I’m Jerry,» he said, as ... Читать далее...
30. A cowboy walked into a barber shopA cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, «I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.» The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ... Читать далее...
31. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
32. The clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfumeThe clerk showed the man the store’s most expensive perfume. «This is called ‘Perhaps’,» said the sales clerk. «It’s $285 per ounce.» «Listen,» the man shot back, «for $285 an ounce, I don’t want something called ‘Perhaps’; I want something called… «You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You’ll Get Some!!»...
33. Значение идиомы talk shop[talk shop] {v. phr.}, {informal} To talk about things in your workor trade. Two chemists were talking shop, and I hardly understood aword they said....
34. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
35. Фразовый глагол shop around — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: shop around Перевод: прицениваться, ходить по магазинам и сравнивать цены, качество, и т. п. Пример: It’s always wise to shop around before buying anything. Всегда целесообразно прицениться перед тем, как что-либо покупать....
36. Значение идиомы all walks of life[all walks of life] {n. phr.} All socioeconomic groups; all professions and lines of work. A good teacher has to be able to communicate with students from all walks of life. A clever politician doesn’t alienate people from any walk of life....
37. Перевод слова womanWoman — женщина Перевод слова A woman with history — женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight — необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman — привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman — смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She ... Читать далее...
38. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits downA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. «I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order ... Читать далее...
39. A panda bear walks into a restaurantA panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, «Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying ... Читать далее...
40. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...