A state-of-the-art watch

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1. Ventriliquist cowboy walks into townVentriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch. Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright. Indian: [extreme look of shock] Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian] Dog: Yep Cowboy: How’s he treat you? ... Читать далее...
2. Значение идиомы watch one’s dust[watch one’s dust] or [watch one’s smoke] {v. phr.}, {slang} Tonotice your quick action; watch you do something quickly. OfferBill a dollar to shovel your sidewalk, and watch his smoke! «We’llhave your yard cleaned in a jiffy,» the Boy Scouts told Mr. Truitt.»Watch our smoke!» «I can go to the store and be back in ... Читать далее...
3. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
4. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
5. Where are you fromThe cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, «Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.» The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. «Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going ... Читать далее...
6. Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transportThree Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, «I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed.» Being quick on the uptake the second one says, » ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова watchWatch — часы; смотреть, наблюдать Перевод слова Chatelaine watch — часы на цепочке designer watch — модные часы to watch television — смотреть телевизор to watch a game — смотреть игру She glanced nervously at her Watch. Она нервно взглянула на свои часы. They Watched as the murderer was executed. Они смотрели как казнили убийцу. ... Читать далее...
8. Watch out!A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is ... Читать далее...
9. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and stillSadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, «Mama! I ... Читать далее...
10. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
11. 4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun ... Читать далее...
12. 3 pregnant women were waiting3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one… «What was that?», the other two ask, curiously. «Calcium tablet. Good ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова stateState — состояние, положение; государственный Перевод слова State service — государственная служба state boundary — государственная граница state of decay — состояние упадка state of war — состояние войны Water exists in three States: liquid, gaseous, and solid. Вода существует в трех состояниях: жидком, газообразном и твердом. What a State you are in! В каком ... Читать далее...
14. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
15. Значение идиомы watch it[watch it] {v. phr.}, {informal} To be careful. — Usually used as acommand. You’d better watch it. If you get into trouble again, you’ll be expelled. Watch it — the bottom stair is loose!...
16. A guy walks into an elevator and stands nextA guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, «Can I smell your pussy?» The woman looks at him in disgust and says, «Certainly not!» «Hmmm,» he replies. «It must be your feet, then.»...
17. Deserted island golfA man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, «It’s not a ship.» The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, «It’s not a boat.» The speck gets even closer and he thinks, «It’s not a raft.» ... Читать далее...
18. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
19. This rich couple were going out for the eveningThis rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the ... Читать далее...
20. Back in the turn of the century in a mining townBack in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to ... Читать далее...
21. The young lady admired the watch in the store windowThe young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, «Just how much is that watch?» «It’s $2000, ma’am.» «Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?» «Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?» «I ... Читать далее...
22. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод идиомы Watch it!, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: Watch it! Идиома: Watch it! разг. Перевод: Осторожнее! Аккуратнее! Смотри(те) по сторонам! (обычно используется как команда) Пример: Watch it! That truck is going very fast and may hit you. Осторожно! Этот грузовик едет очень быстро, и он может задавить тебя....
24. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishlyThis guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, «Do you want to move to the back seat?» She replies, «NO!» Flabbergasted, he says, «Why Not?» To which she replies, «Well, I want to stay up here with ... Читать далее...
25. How many does it take?Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a «good time.» ... Читать далее...
26. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it overA cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, «I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.» ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы on the watch[on the watch] {adj. phr.} Alert; watchful. The customsinspector was on the watch for diamond smugglers. Mary was on thewatch for bargains at the auction. Compare: EYE OUT, LOOK OUT....
28. A change of styleTwo men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says «When did you start wearing them?» To which the other man replies «Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.»...
29. Значение идиомы watch one’s language[watch one’s language] {v. phr.} To be careful of how one speaks;avoid saying impolite or vulgar things. «You boys watch yourlanguage,» Mother said, «or you won’t be watching television for awhole week!»...
30. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы watch one’s step[watch one’s step] {v. phr.} To mend one’s ways; exercise prudence, tact, and care. I have to watch my step with the new boss as he isa very proud and sensitive individual....
32. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dogA blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says «May I help you?» The blind man replies «No thank you, I’m just looking around.»...
33. Фразовый глагол watch out for — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: watch out for Перевод: остерегаться чего-либо Пример: Watch out for snakes while you are hiking in the desert. Остерегайся змей, когда будешь в походе в пустыне....
34. A cowboy walked into a barber shopA cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, «I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.» The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ... Читать далее...
35. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы lie in state[lie in state] {v. phr.} Of a dead person: To lie in a place ofhonor, usually in an open coffin, and be seen by the public beforeburial. When the president died, thousands of people saw his bodylying in state....
37. Your hair smells niceA man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, «What’s wrong with the coworker ... Читать далее...
38. You can’t bring that dog in this barA man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says «You can’t bring that dog in here!» The guy, without missing a beat, says «This is my seeing-eye dog.» «Oh man, » the bartender says, «I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on ... Читать далее...
39. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits downA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. «I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы state-of-the-art[state-of-the-art] {adj. phr.} The best and — the latest any fieldof research can offer; modern; the latest; the most advanced. State-of-the-art personal computers may cost a little more than oldermodels, but may be worth the cost for those who need them. Compare:UP TO DATE....