A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other

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1. Перевод слова engineerEngineer — инженер Перевод слова Electrical engineer — инженер-электрик mechanical engineer — инженер-механик systems engineer — инженер — системный программист The Engineer stopped the train. Инженер остановил поезд. He has engaged himself to an Engineer. Он нанялся к одному инженеру. We currently have a vacancy for an Engineer. В настоящее время у нас есть вакансия ... Читать далее...
2. It just kills my appetiteA woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. «Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?» she asks. He declines. «It’s this Viagra,» he says, «It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.» At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. «A bowl of ... Читать далее...
3. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
4. A doctor, an engineer, and a politicianA doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. «Well,» argued the doctor, «without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession.» «No,» said the engineer, «before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create ... Читать далее...
5. Doctor and engineerA pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic ... Читать далее...
6. An old man is sitting on the park bench cryingAn old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, «Mister, what’s the problem?» The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, «I’ve got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment ... Читать далее...
7. Buying your ticketThree engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. «How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?» asks an accountant. «Watch and you’ll see,» answers an engineer. They all ... Читать далее...
8. Definition of ProgrammerProgrammer: A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and ... Читать далее...
9. Shopping with My WifeOne thing I Dread more than anything else is going Clothes shopping with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like helping her buy new clothes. It’s just that I have no Fashion sense. My wife always asks me, “What do you think of this one?” and I always answer with something like: “That’s nice” ... Читать далее...
10. Shopping with My WifeOne thing I Dread more than anything else is going Clothes shopping with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like helping her buy new clothes. It’s just that I have no Fashion sense. My wife always asks me, “What do you think of this one?” and I always answer with something like: “That’s nice” ... Читать далее...
11. The Working Day of an EngineerВ топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему ... Читать далее...
12. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
13. A customer walks into a pharmacyA customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he ... Читать далее...
14. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
15. The first engineer calls out to the otherThe first engineer calls out to the other, «Hey—Nice bike! Where did you get it?» «Well,» replies the other, «I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘you can have ANYTHING you want!'» «Good ... Читать далее...
16. I Want to be a Programmer — Я хочу быть программистомI want to become a computer programmer. I am interested in computers. It is a whole new world. Many people continue careers of their parents or grand parents but it is not the case with me. My mother is a teacher and my father is a doctor. But I don’t want to be neither a ... Читать далее...
17. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
18. Моя будущая профессия — инженер/ My Future Profession Is An EngineerНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Future Profession Is An Engineer Моя будущая профессия — инженер My name is Anton and I’m 15 years old. I study at the 10th form of the state school. People often ask me these days what my plans for the future are. I know that there are ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы hands down[hands down] {adv.}, {informal} 1. Without working hard; easily. The Rangers won the game hands down. 2. Without question or doubt;without any opposition; plainly. Johnny was bands down the bestplayer on the team....
20. A young couple gets married, and the groomA young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts ... Читать далее...
21. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
22. The engineer’s termsTop 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean) A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out ... Читать далее...
23. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfireThree cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first says, «I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men ... Читать далее...
24. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
25. A use for ViagraA man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. «How are you grandpa?» he asks. «Feeling fine,» says the old man. «What’s the food like?» «Terrific, wonderful menus.» «And the nursing?» «Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.» «What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?» «No problem at ... Читать далее...
26. The cost of a brainA man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. «How much does it cost for engineer brain?» «Three dollars an ... Читать далее...
27. Taking the final examTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, «Old MacDonald had a ________.» Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But ... Читать далее...
28. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
29. Hamlet’s soliloquyTo be, or not to be — that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep — No more, and by a sleep to say we end ... Читать далее...
30. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...
31. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bedLittle Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, «Whatcha doin’ Daddy?» Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. «Oh, I’m just ... Читать далее...
32. Some people are sitting in a barSome people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, «My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.» Another guy says, «What’s that?» The first guy says, «That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.» Another one says, «My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, «What’s that?» ... Читать далее...
33. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sittingGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, «Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?» Grandpa looks at him and says «No Johnny, I will not.» «But Grandpa, why?» asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. «Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you ... Читать далее...
34. Punishment that fits the crimeThree dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks «why are you here?» The schnauzer responds, «I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been ... Читать далее...
35. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sittingAn Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no ... Читать далее...
36. Having the equipmentA couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar ... Читать далее...
37. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...
38. Women’s instructionsWOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So ... Читать далее...
39. Three engineering students were gathered togetherThree engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, «It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.» Another said, «No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.» The last said, «Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would ... Читать далее...
40. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...