A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday

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1. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said […]...
2. A man was leaving church one day A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” The man replied, “I’m […]...
3. John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down. He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time, and then turns to John and says, “See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!” John replies, “Well, that’s fine, Pastor. But I can’t bring […]...
4. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after […]...
5. Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, “In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.” Six months passed. The skies began to […]...
6. The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, […]...
7. Noah And Today’s Ark Noah And Today’s Ark The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. […]...
8. Three couples wanted to join a church Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the […]...
9. Перевод слова halt Halt – задерживать, останавливать; остановка, привал Перевод слова Halt sign – дорожный знак “стоп” platoon, halt! – взвод, стой! complete halt – полная остановка Here let us make a Halt. Давайте здесь сделаем привал. The bus pulled to a Halt. Автобус подъехал к остановке. The plane taxied to a Halt. Самолет вырулил к месту стоянки. […]...
10. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, “God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless […]...
11. After church on Sunday morning, a young boy After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. “That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?” “Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, […]...
12. Перевод слова forgive Forgive – прощать Перевод слова To forgive an offence – прощать обиду to forgive a debt – прощать долг forgive a mistake – не взыскивать за ошибку Forgive me, I didn’t mean to insult you. Простите, я не хотел Вас обидеть. Forgive us our sins. Прости нам грехи наши. It is difficult to Forgive anyone […]...
13. Перевод слова Christian Christian – христианский, христианин, христианка Перевод слова The Christian commonweal – христианский мир law Christian – церковное право to turn Christian – обратиться в христианство She is an evangelical Christian. Она евангельская христианинка. Many of my friends are Christian. Многие мои друзья – христиане. It was a good Christian household. Это была хорошая христианская семья....
14. Значение идиомы blaze a trail [blaze a trail] {v. phr.} 1. To cut marks in trees in order to guide other people along a path or trail, especially through a wilderness. Daniel Boone blazed a trail for other hunters to follow in Kentucky. 2. To lead the way; make a discovery; start something new. Henry Ford blazed a trail in […]...
15. Saying No Liang: I have a favor to ask. Christian: Uh oh, what is it? Liang: I’m doing a project for my class in Culinary school and I need a volunteer to taste some of my Creations. Christian: Not on your life. Liang: But, why? Christian: You don’t remember the last time I was your Guinea pig? […]...
16. Значение идиомы call a halt [call a halt] {v. phr.} To give a command to stop. The scouts were tired during the hike, and the scoutmaster called a halt. When the children’s play got too noisy, their mother called a halt....
17. Значение идиомы grind to a halt [grind to a halt] {v. phr.}, {informal} To slow down and stop likea machine does when turned off. The old car ground to a halt infront of the house. The Cardinals’ offense ground to a halt beforethe stubborn Steeler defense....
18. A Change Of Vows During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d […]...
19. Two men were walking through the woods when Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The […]...
20. Alaskan tourism If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to […]...
21. Doctor and engineer A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic […]...
22. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
23. Baby bear wants to live somewhere else The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of […]...
24. Перевод слова bear Bear – медведь; нести, переносить Перевод слова Bear sport – шумная, грубая игра to play the bear – вести себя как медведь to bear a banner – нести знамя I can’t Bear him. Я его не выношу. He couldn’t Bear the humiliation. Он не мог пережить этого унижения. What a Bear! Что за медведь! Ну […]...
25. Catching the bear Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran […]...
26. Значение идиомы bless one’s heart [bless one’s heart] {v. phr.} To thank someone; consider one the cause of something good that has happened. Aunt Jane, bless her heart, left me half a million dollars!...
27. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?” The Vicar […]...
28. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
29. One day in the Garden of Eden One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the […]...
30. Amicable old lady “Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old […]...
31. Seymour was a good and pious man Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked. “I could eat,” said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and […]...
32. Reading time A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks “what are you doing?” Indian says” Me tellum time.” Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says “You telling time?” yup” “how can you tell time like that?” Indian says “workum like […]...
33. Bald-Face на английском языке писателя Jack London The Klondike King paused meditatively, and the group on the hotel porch hitched their chairs up closer. “Talkin’ of bear,” he went on, “now up in the Northern Country there are various kinds. On the Little Pelly, for instance, they come down that thick in the summer to feed on the salmon that you can’t […]...
34. Перевод слова lord Lord – господин, повелитель; командовать, помыкать Перевод слова Our sovereign lord the King – король, наш верховный повелитель the House of Lords – палата лордов lord of the manor – владелец поместья he will not be lorded over – он не позволит командовать собой He Lords it over his friends. Он помыкает своими друзьями. Lord […]...
35. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
36. Значение идиомы heart skip a beat [heart skip a beat] or [heart miss a beat] 1. The heart leaves outor seems to leave out a beat; the heart beats hard or leaps fromexcitement or strong feeling. – Often considered trite. When Paulsaw the bear standing in front of him, his heart skipped a beat. 2.To be startled or excited from surprise, […]...
37. Trying to Locate Someone Carmen: Hi, I’m looking for Waldo. I was told that he comes in here From time to time. Have you seen him? Antonio: Waldo? I haven’t seen him in a while. He comes in sometimes, but it’s pretty Hit-and-miss. Carmen: I can’t seem To pin him down. Every time I think I’m Hot on his […]...
38. Перевод идиомы bear fruit, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: bear fruit Перевод: приносить плоды Пример: The girl’s hard work began to bear fruit when she won the dance contest. Усилия девушки начали приносить плоды, когда она выиграла танцевальный конкурс....
39. GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said “GOD will save me”. The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and […]...
40. Значение идиомы bear with [bear with] {v.}, {formal} To have patience with; not get angry with. Your little sister is sick. Try to bear with her when she cries. It is hard to bear with criticism. Syn.: PUT UP WITH. Compare: CARRY ONE’S CROSS....