A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday

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1. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little JohnnyOne Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said ... Читать далее...
2. A man was leaving church one dayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, «You need to join the Army of the Lord!» The man replied, «I’m ... Читать далее...
3. John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counselingJohn and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down. He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time, and then turns to John and says, «See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!» John replies, «Well, that’s fine, Pastor. But I can’t bring ... Читать далее...
4. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
5. The ReverendFrancis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова SundaySunday — Воскресенье Перевод слова To stay over until Sunday — остаться до воскресенья of a Sunday — по воскресеньям Sunday school — воскресная школа We like to walk every Sunday. Нам нравится гулять каждое воскресенье. My birthday falls on Sunday. Мой день рождения попадает на воскресенье. Brian had an MRI taken Sunday. Брайану сделали ... Читать далее...
7. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
8. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
9. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morningThe new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. «Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?» The Vicar ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова cornerCorner — угол Перевод слова In the corner of the room — в углу комнаты at the corner of the street — на углу улицы to turn the corner — завернуть за угол to cut off a corner — срезать угол, пойти напрямик We turned round the Corner. Мы свернули за угол. Once the dog ... Читать далее...
11. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
12. Catching the bearTwo men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова backwardsBackwards — назад, наоборот Перевод слова Eat breakfast backwards — страдать рвотой they pushed the car backwards — они толкнули машину назад cast a light backwards — отражать свет Count Backwards from 100. Считаq в обратном порядке от 100. Your T-shirt is on Backwards. Твоя футболка надета задом наперед. It boots not to look Backwards. ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы on the track of[on the track of] or [on the trail of] Hunting or looking for;trying to find; following. The hunter is on the track of a deer. The lawyer is on the trail of new proof in the case. Jim collectsold stamps; he is on the track of one in Midville this afternoon....
15. One day in the Garden of EdenOne day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, «Lord, I have a problem!» «What’s the problem, Eve?» «Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.» «Why is that, Eve?» came the ... Читать далее...
16. A rookie police officer was assignedA rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, «Let’s ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы blaze a trail[blaze a trail] {v. phr.} 1. To cut marks in trees in order to guide other people along a path or trail, especially through a wilderness. Daniel Boone blazed a trail for other hunters to follow in Kentucky. 2. To lead the way; make a discovery; start something new. Henry Ford blazed a trail in ... Читать далее...
18. Two men were walking through the woods whenTwo men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы backward and forward[backward and forward] or [backwards and forwards] {adv. phr.} To the full extent; in all details; thoroughly; completely. He understood automobile engines backwards and forwards. He knew basketball rules backwards and forwards. I explained matters to him so that he understood backwards and forwards how it was....
20. A Change Of VowsDuring the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. «Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d ... Читать далее...
21. Build an ArkThe Lord said to Noah, «In six months, I’m going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark.» Six months passed. The skies began to ... Читать далее...
22. Alaskan tourismIf you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to ... Читать далее...
23. One night, at the lodge of a hunting clubOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, «See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire — place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.» ... Читать далее...
24. Doctor and engineerA pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic ... Читать далее...
25. Bald-Face на английском языке писателя Jack LondonThe Klondike King paused meditatively, and the group on the hotel porch hitched their chairs up closer. «Talkin’ of bear,» he went on, «now up in the Northern Country there are various kinds. On the Little Pelly, for instance, they come down that thick in the summer to feed on the salmon that you can’t ... Читать далее...
26. Two guys go huntingTwo guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe ... Читать далее...
27. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
28. Wear your collar backwardsJohnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, «Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?» The priest says, «Because I’m a father.» Johnny says, «Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.» The priest says «You don’t understand, son. I ... Читать далее...
29. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
30. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely womenA fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through ... Читать далее...
31. Two guys are out hunting deerTwo guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, «Did you see that?» The second guy says, «No.» «A bald eagle just flew over head.» «Oh.» A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, «Did you see that?» «No.» «There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.» «Oh.» A few ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова bearBear — медведь; нести, переносить Перевод слова Bear sport — шумная, грубая игра to play the bear — вести себя как медведь to bear a banner — нести знамя I can’t Bear him. Я его не выношу. He couldn’t Bear the humiliation. Он не мог пережить этого унижения. What a Bear! Что за медведь! Ну ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод идиомы bend over backwards / lean over backwards, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: bend over backwards / lean over backwards Перевод: лезть из кожи вон; прилагать все усилия для выполнения чего-либо, стараться изо всех сил (обычно используется для описания попыток помочь или угодить кому-либо) Пример: He said he would bend over backwards to help her get a job in the company. Он сказал, что сделает все возможное, ... Читать далее...
34. Seymour was a good and pious manSeymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. «Hungry, Seymour?» the Lord asked. «I could eat,» said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and ... Читать далее...
35. Reading timeA Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks «what are you doing?» Indian says» Me tellum time.» Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says «You telling time?» yup» «how can you tell time like that?» Indian says «workum like ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова lordLord — господин, повелитель; командовать, помыкать Перевод слова Our sovereign lord the King — король, наш верховный повелитель the House of Lords — палата лордов lord of the manor — владелец поместья he will not be lorded over — он не позволит командовать собой He Lords it over his friends. Он помыкает своими друзьями. Lord ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова pavementPavement — тротуар, мостовая Перевод слова To break a pavement — вскрывать мостовую to drag pavement — утюжить дорожное покрытие flagstone pavement — мостовая из плит The surface of the Pavement soon became very uneven. Поверхность тротуара вскоре стала очень неровной. I stumbled on the uneven Pavement. Я споткнулся на неровной мостовой. I slipped and ... Читать далее...
38. Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandyKnowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration — that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. «Gladly,» responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder ... Читать далее...
39. That is ONE!A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hard to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it. So he thought it would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Well he sent for one and on the day she was ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы heart skip a beat[heart skip a beat] or [heart miss a beat] 1. The heart leaves outor seems to leave out a beat; the heart beats hard or leaps fromexcitement or strong feeling. — Often considered trite. When Paulsaw the bear standing in front of him, his heart skipped a beat. 2.To be startled or excited from surprise, ... Читать далее...