A necessary condition

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1. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sittingGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, «Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?» Grandpa looks at him and says «No Johnny, I will not.» «But Grandpa, why?» asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. «Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you ... Читать далее...
2. A talking FrogA man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back ... Читать далее...
3. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
4. A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farmA young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, «What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?» Grandpa replies, «No sonny, just jacking!»...
5. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
6. Biologist experimentThere was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says «Jump frog, jump!». The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: ‘Frog with 4 legs — jumps 2 feet’. Next he chops ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова frogFrog — лягушка Перевод слова Wood frog — древесная лягушка young frog — лягушонок the frog’s tongue — язычок лягушки The Frog swallowed the fly whole. Лягушка проглотила муху целом. Frogs croak. Лягушки квакают. The Frog plopped back into the pond. Лягушка шлепнулась обратно в пруд....
8. TromboneQ: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you ... Читать далее...
9. A serious conditionA well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. «We need a fourth for poker,» said ... Читать далее...
10. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marryAt the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied «Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one.»...
11. A wish for ChristmasIt is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы little frog in a big pond[little frog in a big pond] or [small frog in a big pond] {n. phr.}An unimportant person in a large group or organization. In a largecompany, even a fairly successful man is likely to feel like a littlefrog in a big pond. When Bill transferred to a larger high school, he found himself a small ... Читать далее...
13. Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sittingGrandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, «Fuck you!» Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, «Fuck you too!» Grandpa becomes very much excited ... Читать далее...
14. Feminist Fairytale!Feminist’s Fairytale!! Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, «I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can ... Читать далее...
15. Buying and Selling Family HeirloomsAnne: Where are you going with that? Ivan: I’m taking this clock to an Antique dealer. Rather than having it Gather dust on the Mantelpiece, I thought I’d get it Appraised and maybe sell it. Anne: You can’t sell that! It belonged to our grandfather. It’s a Family heirloom. Ivan: It’s not a family heirloom. ... Читать далее...
16. Buying and Selling Family HeirloomsAnne: Where are you going with that? Ivan: I’m taking this clock to an Antique dealer. Rather than having it Gather dust on the Mantelpiece, I thought I’d get it Appraised and maybe sell it. Anne: You can’t sell that! It belonged to our grandfather. It’s a Family heirloom. Ivan: It’s not a family heirloom. ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова moodMood — настроение Перевод слова To wake up in a bla mood — проснуться в плохом настроении a buoyant mood — жизнерадостное расположение духа to lighten one’s mood — улучшать настроение Why had her Mood changed so dramatically? Почему ее настроение изменилось так резко? My boyfriend is still in a Mood. Мой парень все еще ... Читать далее...
18. There was this little boy who went in the whore houseThere was this little boy who went in the whore house with a dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the boy said «please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i have money thats ... Читать далее...
19. A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his homeA hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, «When did you bag him?» The host said proudly, «That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.» «What’s he stuffed with,» asked the visiting hunter. «My ex-wife» ... Читать далее...
20. A tough dilemmaBoss, to four of his employees: «I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.» Black Employee: «I’m a protected minority.» Female Employee: «And I’m a woman.» Oldest Employee: «Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.» …To which ... Читать далее...
21. Safe sexA teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around. Teen says, «Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы big frog in a small pond[big frog in a small pond] {n. phr.}, {informal} An important person in a small place or position; someone who is respected and honored in a small company, school, or city; a leader in a small group. As company president, he had been a big frog in a small pond, but he was not so ... Читать далее...
23. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы second childhood[second childhood] {n. phr.} Senility; dotage. «Grandpa is inhis second childhood; we must make allowances for him at the dinnertable,» my mother said, as Grandpa dropped food all over the place....
25. The Zen Master is visiting New York CityThe Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, «Make me one with everything.» The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова soundSound — звук, звучать; здоровый, крепкий Перевод слова The sound of voices — шум голосов the trumpets sounded — раздались звуки труб man of sound constitution — человек крепкого сложения his heart is not sound — у него плохое сердце We came back safe and Sound. Мы вернулись целыми и невредимыми. The Sound of a ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы rough up[rough up] {v.} To attack or hurt physically; treat roughly; beat. Three boys were sent home for a week because they roughed up aplayer on the visiting team. While Pete was walking in a strangepart of town some boys roughed him up and told him to stay out oftheir territory....
28. Three vampires go to a barThree vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, «I vould like some blood.» The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, «I vould like some blood.» ... Читать далее...
29. Looking to buy a frogA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, «If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?» The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова conditionCondition — состояние, обстоятельства, условия Перевод слова Condition of the market — состояние рынка to accept a condition — принимать условие on condition that — при условии, что The car was in perfect Condition. Машина была в идеальном состоянии. I Condition my hair after washing it У привожу в порядок свои волосы после того как ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы on condition that[on condition that] {conj.} Providing that; if. I will lend youthe money on condition that you pay it back in one month. Sheagreed to act in the play on condition that she could keep hercostumes....
32. Значение идиомы in mint condition[in mint condition] {adj. phr.} Excellent; as good as new. Grandma seldom uses her car; it is already ten years old, but it isstill in mint condition....
33. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirthLittle Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, «How was I born?» «The stork brought you to us.» «Oh,» said Little Johnny. «Well, how did you and daddy get born?» he asked. «Oh, the stork brought us too.» «So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?» «Well, darling, the stork ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы boys will be boys[boys will be boys] Boys are only children and must sometimes get into mischief or trouble or behave too roughly. Boys will be boys and make a lot of noise, so John’s mother told him and his friends to play in the park instead of the back yard....
35. Punishment that fits the crimeThree dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks «why are you here?» The schnauzer responds, «I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been ... Читать далее...
36. After the fall in Garden of EdenAfter the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, «What’s that?» Adam replied, «Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.»...
37. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself toAlbert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, «What is your IQ?» to which the man answers, «241.» «That is wonderful!,» says Albert. «We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!» Next Albert introduces himself ... Читать далее...
38. A woman consulted a doctorA woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, ... Читать далее...
39. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
40. Перевод слова crazyCrazy — ненормальный, сумасшедший Перевод слова To go crazy — сойти с ума she is crazy about him — она по нему с ума сходит a crazy idea — бредовая идея right-wing crazies — правые экстремисты crazy cat — псих I bought some Crazy good stuff there. Я купил там несколько безумно хороших вещей He ... Читать далее...