A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines

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1. From a Southwest Airlines employee “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, […]...
2. Перевод слова southwest Southwest – Юго-Запад Перевод слова Southwest monsoon – юго-западный муссон southwest line – юго-западный профиль southwest quarter – юго-западная четверть These plants grow in the Southwest. Эти растения растут на юго-западе. He studied shards from antique pots made by the Pueblos of the Southwest. Он изучал осколки старинных горшков, сделанных индейцами юго-западных племен. He transferred […]...
3. A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […]...
4. Flying on Low-Cost Airlines Sue: I just made Airline reservations for our trip. Do you want to look over the Itinerary before I purchase the tickets? Alex: Which airline is it? Sue: It’s McTse Air. Alex: Oh, no, I don’t want to fly on that Low-cost airline! We don’t get Assigned seats and all of the Passengers Rush the […]...
5. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
6. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: “Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it […]...
7. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, “If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”...
8. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
9. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
10. Перевод слова stewardess Stewardess – стюардесса Перевод слова Air stewardess – бортпроводница chief stewardess – старшая стюардесса As such the applicant who is a flight Stewardess can only compare herself to other flight stewardesses. Поэтому истец, которая является стюардессой, может сравнивать себя только с другими стюардессами. First he cheated on me with a Stewardess named Monique. Сначала изменил […]...
11. No exit An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]...
12. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
13. The medical student was asked four reasons The medical student was asked four reasons why mother’s milk was better for babies than cow’s milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It’s fresher. 2. It’s cleaner. 3. The cats can’t get to it. 4. It’s easier to take on a picnic. He also added: “It comes in such cute containers.”...
14. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
15. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
16. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
17. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
18. Baby bear wants to live somewhere else The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of […]...
19. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...
20. The SR-71 Blackbird Retired By Flying Coast-To-Coast In One Hour The SR-71 wasn’t like other planes. It didn’t retire like them either. On this day in 1990, SR-71 #972 took its final flight for the U. S. Military and was officially retired. It ran from Los Angeles to Washington, headed to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. In typical Blackbird fashion, it set four […]...
21. Перевод идиомы rain cats and dogs, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: rain cats and dogs Перевод: льет, как из ведра (о дожде) Пример: It has been raining cats and dogs all morning. Все утро дождь льет, как из ведра....
22. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
23. Instrument Flying guide for Animal Lovers Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a […]...
24. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs [rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, “It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.”...
25. Перевод слова mother Mother – мама Перевод слова The loss of his mother – смерть матери foster mother – приемная мать single mother – мать-одиночка Mary pictures her Mother. Мэри очень похожа на мать. He misses his Mother. Он скучает по своей матери. Mother sends her love. Мама передает привет....
26. A mother was teaching her three year old daughter A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, […]...
27. Arkansas Mother Writes Her Son ARKANSAS MOTHER WRITES HER SON Dearest Redneck Son, I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you […]...
28. Mother-in-law burial Two friends meet each other on the street. “Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill. “Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. “I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face schratched all over?”. “It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a […]...
29. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says “Look Momma, I’m a white boy.” His mother slaps him hard On the face and says “Boy, go show your Daddy.” The […]...
30. Nuns First Hot Dog Nuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, the […]...
31. A man calls his mother in Florida A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,”says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son says, “Why are you so weak?” She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The man says, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, “Because I didn’t […]...
32. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
33. A Mother’s Dictionary Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing […]...
34. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
35. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
36. Значение идиомы cat [cat] See: COPY CAT, CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT, FRAIDY-CAT or FRAID-CAT or SCAREDY CAT OY SCARED-CAT, HOLY CATS, LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG, LOOK LIKE THE CAT THAT ATE THE CANARY, PLAY CAT AND MOUSE WITH, RAIN CATS AND DOGS....
37. The results of statistics 1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. Work stuffs up your eyesight […]...
38. A helicopter was flying around above Seattle A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft’s electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted sign […]...
39. ‘Free’quent flier has wings clipped after American Airlines takes away his unlimited pass He’s the man who flew too much. Steve Rothstein bought a golden ticket from American Airlines in 1987 – granting him a lifetime of unlimited travel. He clocked more than 10 million miles and 10,000 flights. He used his power to fly hopeless strangers home, a friend to the Louvre, and a priest to Rome […]...
40. Free meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the […]...