A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts

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1. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
2. Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
3. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
4. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
5. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
6. A husband and wife are on a nudist beach A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the […]...
7. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...
8. The wife of an older man is distraught The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, “listen, I don’t do this for […]...
9. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
10. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
11. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the […]...
12. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. […]...
13. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
14. A wife went in to see a therapist and said A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor” Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “MY dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?” “The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up.”...
15. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along […]...
16. A young teenager comes home from school A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?” “Yes, dear,” replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it. “But then when […]...
17. A wife was berating her husband A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”...
18. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple […]...
19. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?” “No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”...
20. A man and wife entered a A man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.” You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her […]...
21. A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! […]...
22. A man gets home early from work A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, […]...
23. A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. “don’t worry, ya,” he said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them […]...
24. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
25. A fair offer One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his […]...
26. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run […]...
27. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I […]...
28. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
29. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
30. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m […]...
31. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
32. A husband and wife were in their back yard A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, “Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.” She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, “Yep, that thing is getting huge.” At this, the wife retreated to the […]...
33. Man and wife at the zoo It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one […]...
34. A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
35. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
36. The little boy comes home from school and asks mom The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, “Where do babies come from?” Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, “From the stork of course!” The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, “But mom, who fucks the stork?”...
37. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
38. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...
39. A man was taking his wife A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody […]...
40. The young wife was in tears when she opened the door The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked stern, “I see, but where […]...