A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights

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1. A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw […]...
2. A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, “Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?” The […]...
3. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
4. A note exchange A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block […]...
5. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
6. A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three […]...
7. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
8. A priest and a lawyer are walking down A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, “How’d you like to fuck that?” To which the lawyer replied, “Out of what?”...
9. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
10. On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible “What are you doing?” asked the friend. “Looking for loopholes,” repied the lawyer....
11. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
12. Dealing with a lawyer A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in […]...
13. I just needed to use your car After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, […]...
14. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
15. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace […]...
16. Перевод сленгового выражения beemer, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: beemer Перевод: автомобиль марки BMW Пример: The beemer sped down the boulevard. По проспекту гнал БМВ. Примечание: данное слово первоначально использовалось среди представителей хип-хоп культуры в начале 1990-х годов...
17. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
18. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
19. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Между юристом и клиентом (Between Lawyer And Client)” По-английски Перевод на русский Lawyer: Good afternoon. How can I help you? Юрист: Добрый день. Чем могу вам помочь? Client: Good afternoon. I need some help concerning my company. And I need it from the competent person. Клиент: Добрый день. Мне нужна помощь относительно моей компании. И мне требуется для этого компетентный человек. Lawyer: My […]...
20. The double-sided truth Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?” “Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”...
21. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
22. Good advices OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don’t know. FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. LOSE […]...
23. An unfortunate coincidence One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem–my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell […]...
24. Моя будущая профессия – юрист/ My Future Profession Is A Lawyer На английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Future Profession Is A Lawyer Моя будущая профессия – юрист It is rather important for everyone to make the right choice of profession, because what we choose defines the largest part of our life. If someone chooses to be a teacher, he or she will spend most […]...
25. Я хочу стать юристом/ I Want To Become A Lawyer На английском языке Перевод на русский язык I Want To Become A Lawyer Я хочу стать юристом It is very important for everyone to choose the right career. Most part of the adult life is connected with work. It’s ideal when it brings pleasure, not disappointment. When I was five, I wanted to become a […]...
26. Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and gentlemen […]...
27. Значение идиомы get stuck [get stuck] {v. phr.} 1. To be victimized; be cheated. TheSmiths sure got stuck when they bought that secondhand car; it brokedown just two days after they got it. 2. To become entrapped orembroiled in a physical, emotional, or social obstacle so as to beunable to free oneself. Last winter our car got stuck in […]...
28. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...
29. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
30. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
31. Making a Will Last week, I Got a wake-up call. One of my oldest friends from high school died suddenly in an accident, leaving no Will. With no Estate planning at all, his Assets went into Probate and his Dependents were left In limbo. My friend was a young man, the same age as me. At our age, […]...
32. Перевод слова accident Accident – несчастный случай, случайность Перевод слова Fatal accident – несчастный случай со смертельным исходом industrial accident – несчастный случай на производстве by a lucky accident – по счастливой случайности We discovered it by Accident. Мы обнаружили это случайно. It was a sheer Accident. Это была чистая случайность. He was blinded in an Accident. Он […]...
33. Show him your cross Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should […]...
34. Перевод слова note Note – заметка, записка; банкнта Перевод слова Critical notes – критические заметки short-hand notes – стенограмма notes on Tacitus – комментарии к Тациту a note of thanks – благодарственное письмо Did you read my Note? – Uh-huh. Ты читала мою записку? – Угу. Can you change a £20 Note? Вы можете разменять банкноту в 20 […]...
35. Investigating a Terrible Accident There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, […]...
36. Honesty is the best policy A very very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes […]...
37. Getting a Car Serviced Sophia: Is my car ready? Mechanic: I’m finished with your Oil change and I replaced the Oil filter. I’ve also replaced the wiper Blades in your Windshield wipers. But I’ve had a good look under your hood, and your car needs a lot of work. Sophia: Really? Mechanic: Yes, you have some serious problems. I […]...
38. Значение идиомы stuck on [stuck on] {slang} Very much in love with; crazy about. Judythinks she is very pretty and very smart. She is stuck on herself. Lucy is stuck on the football captain....
39. I know you were drunk yesterday A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his […]...
40. Перевод слова address Address – адрес, речь, обращение Перевод слова To address an envelope – написать на конверте адрес temporary address – временное место жительства to give an address – выступить с речью He Addressed an audience of 10,000 supporters. Он выступил перед аудиторией в 10000 сторонников. She turned to Address the man on her left. Она повернулась, […]...