A fellow in a bar notices a woman

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1. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
2. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. “Your organ,” she […]...
3. Значение идиомы hail-fellow-well-met [hail-fellow-well-met ] {adj. phr.} Talking easily and in afriendly way to everyone you meet. John won the election as classpresident because he was hail-fellow-well-met....
4. A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to […]...
5. Перевод слова fellow Fellow – человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long – не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow – веселый малый fellows at school – товарищи по школе Oh, isn’t he a duck of a Fellow? Не правда ли, он просто прелесть? A tight Fellow! Хороший парень! […]...
6. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
7. A woman reported the disappearance of her husband A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. “Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”...
8. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
9. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
10. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
11. A fellow decides to take off early from work A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]...
12. An older woman was in the pastoral study An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. “Father,” she said, “How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?” “My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be,” he replied. “Well Father, my first husband was a […]...
13. Значение идиомы fellow traveller [fellow traveller] {n.} A sympathizer with a political movement whodoes not officially belong to the political party in question. ManyGermans after World War II were innocently accused of being fellowtravellers of Nazism. During the McCarthy era, many Americans wereaccused of being Communist fellow travellers....
14. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
15. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe […]...
16. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
17. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, “Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.” The startled groom says “How can that be? You’ve been married twice…” The bride responds… […]...
18. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
19. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
20. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
21. The woman who can smell Parkinson’s disease Meet the woman from Perth whose super sense of smell could change the way Parkinson’s disease is diagnosed. Joy Milne’s husband, Les, died in June, aged 65. He worked as a consultant anaesthetist before being diagnosed with Parkinson’s at the age of 45. Joy first detected the odour on her husband Les, who was diagnosed […]...
22. This fellow dies and goes to heaven This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: “Why are girls so pretty?” God: “So you’ll like them.” Guy: “Why are girls soft?” God: “So you’ll like them.” Guy: “Why are girls so dumb?” God: “So they’ll like you.”...
23. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
24. A young married woman A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, “Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?” She thought about it a minute then said, “Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.”...
25. Перевод слова pure Pure – чистый, беспримесный Перевод слова Pure air – чистый воздух pure tone – чистый тон pure Englishman – чистокровный англичанин The food was Pure salt. Это была не пища, а сплошная соль. It was Pure accident that we met. Мы встретились по чистой случайности. It is Pure conjecture. Это только догадка....
26. A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when A fellow dies, goes to hell, and is surprised when confronted by a room full of beautiful blondes and kegs of beer. He asks a nearby demon if this is really hell, and what was so bad about the place. “Well,” said the demon, “the kegs all have holes in the bottoms, and the blondes […]...
27. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. “I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached […]...
28. A bored woman says to her husband A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, “Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.” The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, “An elephant”. The wife sez “That’s close enough!”...
29. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
30. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through […]...
31. There was a man and woman traveling along in their car There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says “Did you know you were speeding back there.” The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband “What did he say, what did […]...
32. An American woman and an Iranian woman An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, “These remind me of my husband’s testicles.” The American woman says, “That big?” The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.”...
33. A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle – Whooee da Whoee! – but doesn’t know what it is. Predictably, he’s […]...
34. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the […]...
35. The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon’s office. “You know, Doc,” he said, “I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.” “And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions,” […]...
36. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
37. A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to the […]...
38. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
39. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, […]...
40. Marital Sex While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: “What happened, did I hurt you?” “Why no, not at all,” said his surprised wife. “Whatever made you […]...