A divorced woman had been on her own for several months

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1. A woman strode angrily into the large A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?” The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, “Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for ‘cats’?”...
2. The newly divorced woman The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a “man’s world” there. Thinking that she […]...
3. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the […]...
4. Two men and one woman Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 […]...
5. A fellow in a bar notices a woman A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you,” she said politely.” “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That […]...
6. At a U. N. meeting the American ambassador At a U. N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, “When was your last election?” The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, “before bleakfast.”...
7. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
8. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
9. An American woman and an Iranian woman An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, “These remind me of my husband’s testicles.” The American woman says, “That big?” The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.”...
10. A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. “Congratulations,” said the nurse, “but don’t you think this is enough?” The woman replied, “Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.”...
11. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
12. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
13. A woman consulted a doctor A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, […]...
14. A political man to a woman A political man to a woman, “You look beautiful today!!!!” The woman replied, “Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.” “Sure you could!!” said the political man, “if you could lie as well as I do!”...
15. A woman asks the hardware store clerk “Do you have any batteries?” a woman asks the hardware store clerk. “Yes, m’am.” The clerk gestures with his finger. “Can you come this way?” “If I could come that way,” the woman says, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”...
16. A woman visits her physician A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: “Well, what can I do for you madam?”. The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: “You can discuss any matter with […]...
17. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
18. Перевод слова Japanese Japanese – Японский; японец, японка Перевод слова The Japanese – японцы the mores and culture of the Japanese – нравы и культура японцев top-ranking Japanese university – один из лучших университетов Японии busload of Japanese tourists – полный автобус японских туристов They were overbid by a Japanese firm. Японская фирма перебила им цену. Japanese cars […]...
19. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
20. An easy solution On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]...
21. Ring, ring! *ring* *ring* “Hello?” Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, “Hello?” “I’ll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,” a male voice whispered huskily, “…undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until morning.” “Geez,” the woman replied, “you can tell all that from two […]...
22. An older woman was in the pastoral study An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. “Father,” she said, “How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?” “My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be,” he replied. “Well Father, my first husband was a […]...
23. Could you please pass The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.” Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” […]...
24. A woman was thinking about finding a pet A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large […]...
25. Back in the turn of the century in a mining town Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to […]...
26. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
27. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
28. Making this chicken sandwich from scratch took six months, $1,500 Forget farm-to-table – a Minnesota-based YouTuber has pushed the concept of cooking from scratch to whole new heights. While most of us would normally run to the supermarket for ingredients, Andy George, the founder of a new video series called “How to Make Everything,” took the task of making a chicken sandwich to its literal […]...
29. Перевод слова woman Woman – женщина Перевод слова A woman with history – женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight – необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman – привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman – смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She […]...
30. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...
31. A woman reported the disappearance of her husband A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. “Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”...
32. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, “Do you know what I’m […]...
33. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for […]...
34. A new statue for the bedroom A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to.” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s […]...
35. It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. “And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home. […]...
36. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, “Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?” “I’m sure I can,” the psychiatrist replied. “Just […]...
37. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
38. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
39. A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says “Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?” The man […]...
40. An elderly woman entered a large furniture store An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked. “Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.” “You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested. “Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in […]...