A dangerous job

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1. There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?” After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and […]...
2. Перевод идиомы poke / stick one’s nose into something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: poke / stick one’s nose into something Идиома: poke / stick one’s nose into something разг. Перевод: совать свой нос в чужие дела; соваться, куда не следует Пример: I wish that my neighbor would not always poke her nose into my business. Я бы хотел, чтобы моя соседка не совалась постоянно в мои дела....
3. You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on […]...
4. Pet owners There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, ‘Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.’ The guy with the Chihuahua says, ‘We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.’ The guy […]...
5. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and […]...
6. A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the […]...
7. Man and wife at the zoo It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one […]...
8. A peasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree”, sighed the pheasant, “but I haven”t got the energy”. Well, why don”t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They”re packed with nutrients”. The pheasant pecked at […]...
9. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that […]...
10. I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass […]...
11. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
12. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
13. Out All Night Drinking An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat […]...
14. Перевод слова bite Bite – кусать Перевод слова To bite into an apple – откусить от яблока mosquito bite – комариный укус insects bite – насекомые кусают He was Bitten by a snake. Его укусила змея. The anchor Bit. Якорь прочно зацепился за дно. Does your dog Bite? Твоя собака кусается?...
15. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the […]...
16. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, […]...
17. Jokes of science 03 Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender […]...
18. Перевод сленгового выражения ride shotgun, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: ride shotgun Сленговое выражение: ride shotgun груб. Перевод: сидеть на переднем пассажирском сиденье автомобиля Пример: Whenever we take a trip in Billy’s pickup, Sally always rides shotgun. Когда мы едем в пикапе Билли, Сэлли всегда сидит спереди....
19. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also […]...
20. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it […]...
21. Значение идиомы stick out [stick out] {v.} 1a. To stand out from a wall or other surface;project; extend. The limb stuck out from the trunk of the tree. 1b. To be seen or noticed more easily or quickly than others; benoticeable. My house is the only brick one on the street. It sticksout and you can’t miss it. Mary […]...
22. Значение идиомы put the bite on [put the bite on] {v. phr.}, {slang} To ask John put the bite on his friend for several tickets to thedance. Willie Mays put the bite on the Giants for a large raise....
23. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
24. A chinese detective A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb […]...
25. Значение идиомы pig in a poke [pig in a poke] {n. phr.} An unseen bargain; something accepted orbought without looking at it carefully. Buying land by mail isbuying a pig in a poke: sometimes the land turns out to be underwater....
26. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
27. Very dangerous mix This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and […]...
28. Перевод слова stick Stick – палка; втыкать, вонзать; наклеивать Перевод слова To stick a spade into the earth – воткнуть лопату в землю to stick a nail into the wall – вбить гвоздь в стену fencing stick – фехтовальная палка to stick bills – расклеивать афиши He seized a Stick and struck at me. Он схватил палку и […]...
29. Значение идиомы bark worse than one’s bite [bark worse than one’s bite] {informal} Sound or speech more frightening or worse than your actions. The small dog barks savagely, but his bark is worse than his bite. The boss sometimes talks roughly to the men, but they know that his bark is worse than his bite. She was always scolding her children, but […]...
30. My men are very brave General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: “So how are your men?” “Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.” “I hope […]...
31. A dangerous animal The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in […]...
32. Значение идиомы come to nothing [come to nothing] also {formal} [come to naught] {v. phr.} To end in failure; fail; be in vain. The dog’s attempts to climb the tree after the cat came to nothing....
33. Значение идиомы poke around [poke around] or [poke about] {v.} 1. To search about; look intoand under things. The detective poked around in the missing man’soffice. 2. To move slowly or aimlessly; do little things. Hedidn’t feel well, and poked around the house....
34. Значение идиомы take a punch at [take a punch at] or [take a poke at] or [take a sock at] {v. phr.}To try to hit with the fist; swing or strike at; attack withthe fists. Bob was very angry and suddenly he took a punch atFred. Johnny knocked my hat off, so I took a poke at him. Ifelt like taking […]...
35. A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her […]...
36. Police Work Isn’t as Dangerous as You May Think After the senseless death and tragic funerals of two young New York City policeman, cops have got to be thinking about assassination. “I want to go home to my wife and kids,” said a cop to the New York Post.” I am concerned about my safety.” On NBC’s Meet the Press,” NYC Police Commissioner William […]...
37. A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?” The coroner says, “No.” The attorney then asks, “Did you listen for a heart beat?” “No.” “So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure […]...
38. Detective report A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. […]...
39. Значение идиомы room clerk [room clerk] or [desk clerk] {n.} A person who is responsible forassigning rooms and providing service to guests in hotels, motels, inns, etc. At first-class hotels, room clerks are trained to be atthe service of every guest. Sometimes resort hotels in themountains hire college students as room clerks during the summer....
40. Перевод слова climb Climb – взбираться, влезать, подниматься Перевод слова To climb to power – стремиться к власти, добиваться власти difficult climb – тяжелое восхождение dizzy climb – головокружительный подъем Harry Climbed the stairs. Гарри поднялся по лестнице. He Climbed over the fence. Он перелез через забор. He Climbed into his clothes. Он натянул на себя одежду....