A completely inebriated man was stumbling down

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1. Having a Best Friend Lucy: I’m so excited! My friend, Marlene, is coming to town for a visit. Buddy: Have I met Marlene? Lucy: No, I don’t think so. We Grew up together and we were always Joined at the hip. Buddy: When I was little, I had a friend like that. We were Blood brothers. Lucy: Yeah, Marlene […]...
2. Two drunks walk into a bar Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says “I gotta go use the can.” So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 … 10… 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds him in there and […]...
3. Перевод слова relief Relief – облегчение, утешение; рельеф Перевод слова A sigh of relief – вздох облегчения the medicine gave some relief – лекарство принесло некоторое облегчение done in relief – сделано рельефно, выпукло It was a Relief to get home. Было большим облегчением оказаться дома. To my Relief they got there safely. Слава богу, что они добрались […]...
4. What is a breathanalyzer? “Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. “Well, I’d have to say it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent. “Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years and years now!”...
5. Перевод слова sigh Sigh – вздох, вздыхать Перевод слова To sigh deeply – вздохнуть глубоко to sigh with relief – облегченно вздохнуть deep sigh – глубокий вздох She Sighed sadly. Она грустно вздохнула. What are you Sighing about? О чем ты так вздыхаешь? Any woman Sighs for a man. Каждая женщина сохнет по какому-нибудь мужчине....
6. A man had been drinking at the bar for hours A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the […]...
7. I get so drunk that I imagine things The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […]...
8. My girlfriend is out in the car A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender […]...
9. Перевод слова goodness Goodness – доброта, великодушие, любезность Перевод слова Goodness of heart – сердечная доброта have the goodness to do – будьте добры, сделайте goodness of material – доброкачественность материала Please have the Goodness to wait. Будьте добры, подождите, пожалуйста. For Goodness’ sake stop arguing! Ради всего святого, прекратите спорить! Wisdom and Goodness radiated from his face. […]...
10. Humor about St. Patrick’s Day Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
11. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
12. Travel with a horse An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer […]...
13. Not a foot An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a Podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain.” Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack […]...
14. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and […]...
15. It was their first date It was their first date, and she’d shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber. Finally, he came up for air and said, “But enough about me. Let’s talk about you.” She […]...
16. A guy was trying to console a friend A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. “Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.” “It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed […]...
17. Перевод слова copper Copper – медь, мелкая монета Перевод слова Copper mine – медный рудник copper ore – медная руда copper tubing – медные трубы He had only a few Coppers in his pocket. У него в кармане завалялись только жалкие гроши. The composition of brass includes Copper and zinc. Сплав желтой меди состоит из меди и цинка. […]...
18. Got something “Get this.” said the bloke to his mates, “Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. “Did he get anything.” his mates asked. “yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”...
19. Значение идиомы bonest-to-goodness [bonest-to-goodness] or [honest-to-God] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Real; genuine. – Used for emphasis. She served him honest-to-goodness deep dish apple pie. It was the first honest-to-goodness baseball game he’d seen since going abroad....
20. Перевод слова drunk Drunk – пьяный, опьяненный Перевод слова Blind drunk – мертвецки пьяный to get drunk – напиться, упиться drunk with success – опьяненный успехом Are you Drunk? Ты что, пьян? He was beastly Drunk. Он напился как скотина. We got Drunk on wine. Мы опьянели от вина. Интересные факты Слово также является 3-й формой неправильного глагола...
21. Значение идиомы honest to goodness [honest to goodness] or [honest to God] {adj. phr.}, {informal}Really; truly; honestly. – Used to emphasize something said. Whenwe were in Washington, we saw the President, honest to goodness. “Honest to goodness, Jane, I think you are the messiest girl in theworld,” said Mother....
22. Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.” The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles […]...
23. Значение идиомы not to touch with a ten-foot pole [not to touch with a ten-foot pole] {v. phr.} Toconsider something completely undesirable or uninteresting. Somepeople won’t touch spinach with a ten-foot pole. Kids who wouldn’ttouch an encyclopedia with a ten-foot pole love to find informationwith this computer program....
24. A Star Trek Convention Guido: Whoa, check you out! That’s a great Costume. Are you going to the Star Trek Convention? Rita: Yeah, it’s in town until Sunday. Have you ever been to one? Guido: Me? No way! Don’t get me wrong. I’m a Fan of the shows. And, No offense, but I thought only Geeks went to the […]...
25. Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. “Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! […]...
26. I just trying to be helpful A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” […]...
27. Practicing Yoga Victor: Humph! Rosaria: What’s the matter? Victor: I just got back from my first Yoga class and I was Sorely disappointed. Rosaria: I’ve heard that yoga is very good Low-impact exercise And helps with Stress relief. It’s supposed to Calm the mind and Strengthen the body. Victor: Yeah, right. Rosaria: It sounds like you had […]...
28. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and […]...
29. A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs, “I […]...
30. The WORK virus There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and […]...
31. A wife went in to see a therapist and said A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor” Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “MY dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?” “The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up.”...
32. Значение идиомы foot [foot] See: AT ONE’S FEET, COLD FEET, DEAD ON ONE’S FEET, DRAGONE’S FEET, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, GET ONE’SFEET WET, HAND AND FOOT, KEEP ONE’S FEET, KNOCK OFF ONE’S FEET, LANDON ONE’S FEET, LET GRASS GROW UNDER ONE’S FEET, ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, ON FOOT, ON ONE’S FEET, […]...
33. A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’t you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked. “An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see the Indians...
34. A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in […]...
35. Laboratory Rabbit Freedom Laboratory Rabbit Freedom A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ […]...
36. Preferring Different Work Styles Hugo: How do you like working with Leo? Is it Working out? Melissa: No, it’s not. Our Work styles completely Clash and we Butt heads at every turn. Hugo: Really? I thought you were Partnered up because you Complemented each other’s Strengths. Melissa: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we can work well together. I’m Collaborative […]...
37. I didn’t get any money this time A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.” “Wow. Two […]...
38. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing […]...
39. Perfectly good eyesight Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?”. The second guy says, “Sure! I see […]...
40. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...