A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife

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1. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, “I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?” The accountant replies, “Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess […]...
2. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
3. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
4. Значение идиомы Dear John letter [Dear John letter] {n. phr.} A note or a letter informing one that a romantic relationship or a marriage is over. Jane left a “Dear John letter” on the table and went home to live with her parents....
5. The young wife was in tears when she opened the door The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. “I’ve been insulted,” she sobbed. “Your mother insulted me.” “My mother!” he exclaimed. “But she is a hundred miles away.” “I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.” He looked stern, “I see, but where […]...
6. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
7. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
8. Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
9. A wife was berating her husband A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”...
10. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
11. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
12. A man and wife entered a A man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.” You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her […]...
13. Перевод слова letter Letter – письмо, буква Перевод слова Initial letter – начальная буква the letter of the law – буква закона business letter – деловое письмо registered letter – заказное письмо I burnt her Letter. Я сжег ее письмо. The Letter’s a flam. Это письмо – подделка. Your Letter of the 15th May has come to hand. […]...
14. A Love Letter Vicky: What are you working on? Issac: If I tell you, will you Promise not to laugh? Vicky: All right. What is it? Issac: It’s a Love letter to Julie. Vicky: Isn’t it a little Premature? You’ve only been going out for a month. Issac: Maybe, but I really want her to know how I […]...
15. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
16. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
17. A letter to an English friend about summer holidays – Письмо другу в Англию о летних каникулах Dear Ann, Thank you for your kind letter. I was so glad to receive it. You ask me to tell you a few things about my summer holidays. Well. In June I was in Moscow with my mum. My aunt lives there. I would like to write that Moscow is a very beautiful and big […]...
18. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”...
19. Rejection Letter Reject Ever wonder what to do when those rejection letters start piling up? Well here’s a suggestion: – – – – – – – – – – – – – Cut Here – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – [Date Today] Dear Mr. Kennelly: Thank you […]...
20. Chain Letter Type lI Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!! (This is where you have to scroll down) Really, go on and make one wish!!! Oh please, s/he’ll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not *that* either, you pervert!! Is your finger getting tired yet? You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!! Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made […]...
21. Перевод идиомы year after year, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: year after year Перевод: много лет, год за годом Пример: We went to the lake year after year until we finally got tired of it. Мы из года в год ходили на озеро, пока, наконец, нам это не надоело....
22. A wife went in to see a therapist and said A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor” Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “MY dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?” “The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up.”...
23. Chain Letter Type III Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen […]...
24. Перевод идиомы year in, year out, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: year in, year out Перевод: год за годом, из года в год, много лет подряд, постоянно, всегда Пример: Year in and year out the city had to spend money to fix the old stadium. Из года в год городу приходится тратить деньги на ремонт этого старого стадиона....
25. Accountant and farmer A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock”. The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big […]...
26. Перевод слова handsome Handsome – красивый, статный Перевод слова Handsome dog – большая сильная собака to grow handsome – похорошеть handsome woman – импозантная женщина My teacher is Handsome, strictly! Мой учитель красавчик, это уж точно! He was tall, dark and Handsome. Он был высоким, темноволосым и красивым. Handsome is as Handsome does. Судят по делам, а не […]...
27. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple […]...
28. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?” “No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”...
29. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair […]...
30. Значение идиомы dead letter [dead letter] {n. phr.} An undeliverable letter that ends up in a special office holding such letters. There is a dead letter office in most major cities....
31. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
32. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
33. Значение идиомы red-letter day [red-letter day] {n. phr.} A holiday; memorable day. The Fourth of July is a red-letterday. It was a red-letter day for Felix, when he won the lottery....
34. Перевод слова wife Wife – жена Перевод слова To take to wife – взять в жены house-wife – домашняя хозяйка disloyal wife – неверная жена He split with his Wife. Он порвал со своей женой. He met his Wife at work. Он познакомился со своей женой на работе. My Wife never worked. Моя жена никогда не работала. Интересные […]...
35. A Letter from Account Receivables DATE COMPANY ADDRESS CITY, STATE, ZIP Attention: _____________________ Dear ____________________, Will you get off your dead ass and take care of your obligations! We are still holding the insufficient check that we called you on over a month ago. I know you told me you were waiting to get paid for a job that was […]...
36. The Letter D Pulls Out LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet NEW YORK–A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a Children’s Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet will soon join the show’s cast. “The letter D is proud to […]...
37. The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, “Free bus to the hotel Astor!” On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, “Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free […]...
38. Значение идиомы to the letter [to the letter] {adv. phr.} With nothing done wrong or left undone;exactly; precisely. He carried out his orders to the letter. When writing a test you should follow the instructions to theletter. Compare: TO A T....
39. Значение идиомы handsome is as handsome does [handsome is as handsome does] {informal} A person must act welland generously so that he will be truly worth respecting. – A proverb. Everyone thinks that Bon is a very handsome boy, but he is verymean too. Handsome is as handsome does. Compare: FINE FEATHERS DO NOTMAKE PINE BIRDS....
40. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...