4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV

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1. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
2. Two nuns are walking down an alleyTwo nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, «Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!» The second one says, «This one does!»...
3. Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie manTwo nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: «Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that’s 150, you’ll get a 25% discount!» The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: «We could eat the 30, ... Читать далее...
4. Nuns First Hot DogNuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, «I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.» «Odd,» her companion replies, «but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.» Nodding emphatically, the ... Читать далее...
5. Two nuns were driving alone out in the booniesTwo nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. «I’m sorry, sister,» said the attendant, «but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. ... Читать далее...
6. 3 pregnant women were waiting3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one… «What was that?», the other two ask, curiously. «Calcium tablet. Good ... Читать далее...
7. Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open marketThree nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay. The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them. A nun answered back, «Well, ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова churchChurch — церковь Перевод слова To consecrate a church — освящать церковь to go into the church — принимать духовный сан as poor as a church mouse — бедный, как церковная мышь The Church burnt to the ground. Церковь сгорела дотла. It sounds like the Church bells. Похоже на перезвон колоколов. The Church is seeking ... Читать далее...
9. A Flaky FriendShawn: What’s the matter? You look like you’re about To blow your lid. Rick: Yeah, Let’s just say I’m not happy. Shawn: That’s Putting it lightly. What’s up? Rick: My friend Steve was supposed To come by Here after work to Give me a ride home. I Lent him my car so he could take ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова watchWatch — часы; смотреть, наблюдать Перевод слова Chatelaine watch — часы на цепочке designer watch — модные часы to watch television — смотреть телевизор to watch a game — смотреть игру She glanced nervously at her Watch. Она нервно взглянула на свои часы. They Watched as the murderer was executed. Они смотрели как казнили убийцу. ... Читать далее...
11. Watch out!A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы watch one’s dust[watch one’s dust] or [watch one’s smoke] {v. phr.}, {slang} Tonotice your quick action; watch you do something quickly. OfferBill a dollar to shovel your sidewalk, and watch his smoke! «We’llhave your yard cleaned in a jiffy,» the Boy Scouts told Mr. Truitt.»Watch our smoke!» «I can go to the store and be back in ... Читать далее...
13. Filing TaxesRicky: Aren’t you done with your Taxes yet? Shawn: No, not yet. Ricky: Can I help? Shawn: That would be great. I think I’m almost done, but it’d be great if you could Look it over. This is the first year I haven’t been Exempt or filed an EZ tax return. Ricky: No problem. What ... Читать далее...
14. Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinnerTwo nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was. They ask the waiter who replies «Oh Sister, those are nuts.» She answers «Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?» «No. The kind you rock on a crack.»...
15. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы watch it[watch it] {v. phr.}, {informal} To be careful. — Usually used as acommand. You’d better watch it. If you get into trouble again, you’ll be expelled. Watch it — the bottom stair is loose!...
17. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
18. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heavenFour nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.» St. Peter says:»You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.» The second says:»I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.» ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод идиомы Watch it!, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: Watch it! Идиома: Watch it! разг. Перевод: Осторожнее! Аккуратнее! Смотри(те) по сторонам! (обычно используется как команда) Пример: Watch it! That truck is going very fast and may hit you. Осторожно! Этот грузовик едет очень быстро, и он может задавить тебя....
20. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
21. An old sailing ship is becalmed at seaAn old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы on the watch[on the watch] {adj. phr.} Alert; watchful. The customsinspector was on the watch for diamond smugglers. Mary was on thewatch for bargains at the auction. Compare: EYE OUT, LOOK OUT....
23. On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their dailyOn the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other — a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы watch one’s language[watch one’s language] {v. phr.} To be careful of how one speaks;avoid saying impolite or vulgar things. «You boys watch yourlanguage,» Mother said, «or you won’t be watching television for awhole week!»...
25. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Watch out»Lacey Лейси Why don’t you ask Gordon to change the light bulb for you? Почему ты не попросишь Гордона поменять тебе лампочку? Anthony Энтони He’s always busy. It’s easier if I do it myself. Он всегда занят. Проще самому. Lacey Лейси Watch out! Берегись! Anthony Энтони Thank you. You saved my life. Спасибо. Ты спас ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы watch one’s step[watch one’s step] {v. phr.} To mend one’s ways; exercise prudence, tact, and care. I have to watch my step with the new boss as he isa very proud and sensitive individual....
27. Фразовый глагол watch out for — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: watch out for Перевод: остерегаться чего-либо Пример: Watch out for snakes while you are hiking in the desert. Остерегайся змей, когда будешь в походе в пустыне....
28. Перевод слова channelChannel — канал Перевод слова Channel for irrigation — ирригационный канал to capture a channel — занимать канал dung channel — навозная канава Change the Channel on the TV. Переключи канал телевизора. Two ships struck in the Channel. Два корабля столкнулись в канале. Water had Channelled grooves in the rock. Воды направляются углубления в скале. ... Читать далее...
29. The young lady admired the watch in the store windowThe young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, «Just how much is that watch?» «It’s $2000, ma’am.» «Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?» «Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?» «I ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод идиомы know when one is not wanted, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: know when one is not wanted Перевод: понимать, чувствовать, когда кому-либо не рады Пример: I know when I am not wanted so I decided not to go to the restaurant. Я знаю, когда мне не рады, поэтому я решил не идти в ресторан....
31. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the doorOn his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. «Would it be right,» he asked, «for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?» «Absolutely not!» replied the pastor. «In that case,» said the young man, «I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы poor as a church mouse[poor as a church mouse] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Penniless; broke;extremely poor. The newly arrived boat people were poor as churchmice....
33. A man was leaving church one dayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, «You need to join the Army of the Lord!» The man replied, «I’m ... Читать далее...
34. The seven dwarves were in RomeThe three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. «Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?» «Sorry», she replies, «but there are no dwarf nuns here». «Well, are there any in the city?». «No, there are no dwarf nuns». ... Читать далее...
35. An old man goes to a church, and is making a confessionAn old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old. Father: When was the last time you made a ... Читать далее...
36. Church Holidays — Церковные праздникиChurch holidays are days set aside by the church for celebrating various events from the life of Christ, the Virgin Mary, and the saints. The most important holiday in Russian churches is Easter (Resurrection of Christ). Next is Christmas, followed by Epiphany, Christ’s presentation at the Temple, Annunciation, Christ’s entrance into Jerusalem (Palm Sunday), Ascension ... Читать далее...
37. A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform beganA few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, «Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what’s going on in Rome?» «No,» said Mrs Finkelstein. «I haven’t. What’s going on in Rome?» «A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other ... Читать далее...
38. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decidedThis guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. ... Читать далее...
39. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы stick to one’s knitting[stick to one’s knitting] or [tend to one’s knitting] {v. phr.},{informal} To do your own job and not bother other people. Thetrouble with Henry is that he is always telling other people what todo; he can’t stick to his knitting....