Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar

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1. It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agencyIt seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
3. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings ... Читать далее...
4. Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate HarryMick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before. «Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then ... Читать далее...
5. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their busTwo old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, «You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said «I know! I ... Читать далее...
6. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
7. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a barA man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. «Would you ... Читать далее...
8. A BlondeA Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, «I’ve kidnapped you.» She then wrote a note saying, «I’ve kidnapped your kid. ... Читать далее...
9. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her motherOne day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, «Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her ... Читать далее...
10. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы sitting pretty[sitting pretty] {adj.}, {slang} To be in a lucky position. Thenew library is sitting pretty because a wealthy woman gave it $10,000worth of reference books. Mr. Jones was sitting pretty until his$25,000-a-year job was dropped by the company....
12. An old man and an old woman were sittingAn old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,»You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.» The woman said, «Why don’t we try that again?» So they stripped and sat down at the table again. ... Читать далее...
13. There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffsThere were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up. While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says, «God bless you children, that’s Christianity at work. May the lord bless ... Читать далее...
14. An old man is sitting on the park bench cryingAn old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, «Mister, what’s the problem?» The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, «I’ve got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment ... Читать далее...
15. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sittingAn Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод сленгового выражения arse, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: arse Сленговое выражение: arse Груб. Перевод: зад, задница, жопа (в большинстве случаев может употребляться в тех же значениях, что и слово Ass) Пример: You can kick his arse. Можешь надрать ему задницу. She’s always terrible to have around, always being an arse. Когда она рядом, то это просто ужасно, она ведет себя, как ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод сленгового выражения sitting duck, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: sitting duck Перевод: легкая цель; что-либо или кто-либо беззащитный, уязвимый, или находящийся в рискованной, опасной ситуации Пример: The sweet old lady was a sitting duck for the aggressive salesman. Эта приятная пожилая дама была легкой целью для настойчивого продавца. Out in the open field, the soldiers were sitting ducks for enemy snipers. В ... Читать далее...
18. This man was sitting quietly reading his paperThis man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: «What was that for?» Wife: «What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы sell out[sell out] {v.} 1a. To sell all of a certain thing which a storehas in stock. In the store’s January white sale the sheets andpillowcases were sold out in two days. 1b. To sell all the stock andclose the store; go out of business. The local hardware store soldout last month and was replaced by ... Читать далее...
20. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы fence-sitting[fence-sitting] {n.} or {adj.} Choosing neither side. You havebeen fence-sitting for too long. It is time you made up your mind. Contrast: MAKE UP ONE’S MIND, TAKE SIDES....
22. THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLETHERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, «I THINK I’LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.» SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE ... Читать далее...
23. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
24. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
25. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
26. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beerThere was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called «lady of the night». She says, «For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.» Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
27. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
28. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод идиомы be sitting pretty, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: be sitting pretty Перевод: быть в хорошем, выгодном, удачном положении (обычно из-за наличия больших денег); неплохо устроиться; жить в комфорте и роскоши Пример: They bought their house when prices were much lower so they’re sitting pretty. Они купили свой дом, когда цены были гораздо ниже, так что они хорошо устроились....
30. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
31. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
32. Two Texan are sitting in a small town barTwo Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: «You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister.» «Well,» his buddy replied, «between you and me we got ’em all.»...
33. A young blonde woman is distraughtA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband ... Читать далее...
34. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the verandaTwo elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, «Darling, do you remember the minuet?» The other replies, «Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!»...
35. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacherThe congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said «Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.» More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their ... Читать далее...
36. A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerA guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, «If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?» «Hell no!» the guy said. The stranger then asked, «If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used ... Читать далее...
37. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
38. Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamentingTwo drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, «I just ... Читать далее...
39. Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red ... Читать далее...
40. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...